Monday, October 30, 2006

Happy Halloween!


Now that's my kind of decorating!

and Here's a little Halloween joke...

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...





Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.




BUMP...





BUMP...





BUMP...






Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him





FASTER...





FASTER...






BUMP...







BUMP...






BUMP...





He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.



However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping



clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...





on his heels, the terrified man runs.





Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.


The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!



Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...






and,










(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)























The coffin stops!

( Oh be quiet...I thought it was funny )

Happy Halloween everyone!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Votre Friday Smile!

A woman urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the Boss would not allow her to take leave. She thought that maybe if she acted "CRAZY" then he would tell her to take a few days off. So she hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

A co-worker (a blonde) asked her what she was doing? The woman told her that she was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think she was "CRAZY" and give her a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What the hell are you doing ?"

The woman told him she was a light bulb growing dimmer by the minute.

He said "You are clearly stressed out girl, you go home this minute and recuperate for a couple of days."

The woman jumped down and walked out of the office with a smile on her face.

When the co-worker (the blonde) started to head out the door as well, the Boss said to the blonde, "And where the hell do you think you're going?"

( You're gonna love this..... )

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

***

La nouvelle institutrice a envie d'inculquer des notions de psychologie à ses élèves. Elle s'adresse à la classe en ces termes :
- Que celui qui a l'impression d'être stupide par moment se lève!

Après une bonne dizaine de secondes, Lionel (encore lui!!) se lève... de mauvaise grâce. L'institutrice étonnée lui demande :
- Alors comme ça Lionel, tu penses que de temps en temps tu peux être stupide ?
- Non m'dame, mais ça me faisait de la peine de vous voir toute seule debout.

***

The latest e-coli victim... / La dernière victime d'e-coli...



Have a great weekend and don't forget to change your clocks on Sunday!
* fall back one hour *

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What makes me a woman?

Before my surgery someone told me to reconsider, because having hysterectomy would mean I would lose the essence of what made me a woman… That made me laugh at first, and then it made me angry. I tihnk I’m more than a pair of ovaries and a uterus! It also made me think, what makes a woman a woman?

A few days ago I saw news report on local TV where they were debating if brain had a sex. Some of the “experts” would say yes and others no. I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days… Is it our brain? Our organs? What? I don’t know.

I know that some women really identify through their bodies. I understand the issues of women with breast cancer who lose a breast and how much it can affect them. Our society is putting so much emphasis on looks, on big breasts, on how we should look, that it’s only normal to feel like they’ve been disfigured. But is a woman a woman because she has breasts?

While in the hospital one of my bed mates, who also had hysterectomy (after 3 kids), asked about my surgery and if I had any kid. When I told her no, she started to cry and to tell me how sad it was, etc. I just sat there looking at her as if she was as crazy as Bernice across the hall (a very delusional lady, across from our room). When she said “you poor thing”, it pissed me off. It really did. WTF? Before feeling sorry for me, did you ever think that maybe I didn’t want kids? She was so surprised. My ability to have kids did not make me the woman I am, or did it? I don’t know, and honestly I don’t really care! It was not something I wanted and now I know it won't happen, for sure. Anyway, I firmly believe that it's not because you can that you should!

If “losing” my uterus and ovaries took my womanly essence, then what am I now? I’m not a man either, so what am I? Do women going through menopause wonder if they are still women because their bodies stop producing those darn hormones? I wonder?

This series of questions brought on a whole other series, what about the transsexuals? They take hormones, have surgeries, etc. but despite all that, we never really consider them anything else other than what they were born as. I remember seeing this 10 years old on Oprah who was born a girl but always felt he was a boy and always acted as such. He had tried to commit suicide at age 5 because his parents wouldn’t let him be a boy. Following that attempt his parents “accepted” him as a boy trapped in a girl’s body. How weird is that, and yet I believe it can happen - nature do foul things up at times!

So, I’m asking you, what do YOU think makes a woman a woman? Am I a woman because I grew boobs, and then had periods? Or is it because I “look” like a woman with the hips, etc? Is it environmental? Is it because I was dressed like a girl and given dolls and told I was a girl? Is it the fact that I could give birth? What?

Any ideas?

Monday, October 23, 2006

Nine Things About Me Not Mentioned Before

Since, I'm a little short on inspiration and not many people make their way to my lists, I'd figure I'd "re-post" this on this blog.

I have been tagged by Trueself to state nine things about myself, and then tag six others by leaving a comment on their blogs.

So, here are 9 things about me I haven't mentioned here before :

  1. I learned to kiss with the son of a neighbour, under their stairs, in the alley. I remember him asking me if we could kiss like they did in the movies. We would press our lips together and hold that position, just moving our heads a little, for a while. I was about 7 or 8 at the time. Then I got a bit older and was told by a girlfriend to practise on myself – using the inside of my elbow. When I “thought” I was getting somewhat good at this, I told one of my cousin and asked if we could “practise for real” together. I was about 10 or 12 at the time. While “How Deep is Your Love” from the Bee Gees was playing on the stereo, we perfected our technique agreeing before hand which side each of us would turn, which side our heads would tilt, etc. We were very technical and process oriented. He then got a girlfriend and we never kissed again…

  2. In 6th grade our school participated in a regional music contest. We had to write a song (music and lyrics) and if chosen we got the chance to record it. I was part of the school choir and participated in the contest with a friend. Our song was picked and we made it to the semi-finals. A fellow classmate’s song was picked among the 10 finalists. Since we were part of the same choir, our music teacher picked the choir members to represent our school and to record the song. We spent a whole day in a studio singing away my friend’s lyrics. I still remember that day, how long it had been and how many cuts we had to do. The best moment was when the vinyl was distributed and we listened to it. I still have that album.

  3. At some point during my single life I had a lover who was very adventurous and loved to try new things. He would come up with ideas that made me wonder at times. Once he had removed all the sheets from his waterbed and poured baby oil all over it. That was the most slippery surface I’ve ever known. Another time he decided to start sucking my toes. I felt a little awkward at first and was frankly disgusted by it – toes? – eeew! But he kept going and to my surprise I truly enjoyed it. Like, a LOT! Who knew toes were erogenous? I sure didn’t, until then! He had no boundaries and was too willing at times, but it was always interesting, that’s for sure!

  4. Once in high school, some guy told me I had a nice ass, but it was a shame about my face. To this day I still remember the way I felt at that exact moment. I remember every little details of where I was, with whom, etc. The worst part I didn’t even like that guy, who was a jock, a year ahead of me.

  5. I’ve seen my grand mother (my mother’s mom) on more than one occasion, since her death. The last time, I actually also felt her. I was living alone and heard some noise coming from the kitchen (which was facing my room), I sat in bed and saw this really bright light, and my grand mother standing in the middle of my kitchen, in the light, looking at it and saying that she wouldn’t scare me, she only wanted to let me know I’d be ok. She then looked at me, smiled and walked towards me. She sat on my bed, by my feet – I felt the bed move – and put a hand on my legs and told me not to be afraid that they ( my grand father and her) were protecting me and everything would be ok. We talked. I asked her why she was coming to me, and she said that she just had to let me know. She got up, said good-bye and went back into the light. I was sitting in bed, in the dark, looking at my clock radio and sat there, without moving for a while, until I called a friend to come over. She did and to this day I still believe it was not a dream…

  6. I love to do crafts. A few years back I painted some Christmas Balls for friends and family. I also painted some mugs, personalized for each individual. I recently “officially” started doing some scrap booking. I say officially since I’ve been doing it for years before it was the “thing to do” like it is now. I enjoy making things, either painting, collage, sewing, etc.

  7. Yes, I will go there! Once during oral sex, my partner “fell asleep on the job”! He was the type that liked to teased and play games a lot, so when he started to feel “heavy” I first thought he was playing some kind of joke, but then realised that he’d fallen asleep, in between my thighs. The next morning, when we woke up, the poor guy was so embarrassed and wanted to make it up to me, I just thought it was hilarious. The worst part is – and I never told him that – I had fallen asleep too!

  8. Every weekends during the 1978 summer were spent on a camp ground 30 minutes outside Montreal. René Lévesque, Québec's Premier at the time, had won his elections not long before and was touring the province. He ended up at the campground where we were and spent a whole day there during our “Christmas in July”. He had played softball with us and I asked him for his autograph. He kindly signed the piece of scrap paper my dad had given me (scrap, because my father didn’t like him and his political views), talked to me for a while and had taken his Fleur de Lys pin and given it to me. I still have it. I guess for that reason I always liked the man, I guess he had made me feel somewhat special, and I always remembered that… He died in 1987.

  9. When I left my parents’ place it was to move in with my boyfriend. We were together for 6 years, lived together for 2. He was jealous and the day he slammed me into a wall and challenged me to “use my karate” on him was the moment I knew I had to leave. That afternoon he complained about being the last to know what was going on, I told him he was the first person I was telling: I was moving out. From the moment I informed him and the actual day of my departure there was a month. A very stressful month. When I moved out I took all furniture (which was mine), dishes, etc. and left him with the appliances and our cat. He wanted to keep her. The evening I moved out, I was sitting in my new little apartment (went from a nice big duplex to a little old apartment), crying and feeling like crap and totally overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do, I picked up the phone and called him. We were both crying. I was so scared that I had made the wrong decision; I did care for him, a lot. At the time I thought it was love. When I told him I felt lost and afraid sitting in my new place, all by myself, he said: “At least you have a sofa to sit on, unlike me, I’m sitting on fuckin' the floor!” At that moment, I knew I had made the right decision!

And now, my turn to tag 6 people - I choose: -R-, Ananke, DCMM, MollyMcMolly, Elf and Jonniker.

Thanks everyone who accepted (and did) my tag, even if it means I'm no longer on their Christmas' list!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thanks Everybody!

Just a quick update to thank you all for the thoughts - everything went well considering...

Went in Thursday morning, was operated by 11am. The catheter was removed Friday morning and within 30 minutes I was walking to the bathroom.

My uterus and two ovaries were removed because they realised, once opened up, that it was endometriosis and not just simple cysts.

I'm doing well overall; it's a slow process… I’ve been off medication since Friday and only take Tylenol. The pain is tolerable. I'll have to be patient, and that is NOT my strong suit! I'm lucky to have a GREAT nurse in Hubby – I’m thankful for that!

My 21 staples were removed on Tuesday and the incision is looking pretty good.

I want to thank you again for all the positive thoughts and prayers!

It’s appreciated!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

F*ck that hurt!

Just had my waxing session… I feel like my crotch is glowing red through my jeans at this point! Man! That was bad and painful! I stand corrected; I do NOT enjoy pain!

Last night while sipping my tea (Earl Grey, if you please!) in front of the fire, Hubby asked me if I was anxious about the surgery. At that exact moment I had been thinking about the upcoming Brazilian. I’m not really nervous (just yet!) about the surgery, but the waxing I wasn’t looking forward to. I was right not to!

This morning I made my way to a naturopath’s office to get some homeopathic granules to help my healing/recovery. I got some Arnica, I figure it can’t hurt, right?

Then I went home, had lunch and prepared myself mentally for the task at hand.

A few days ago I asked Hubby if he would do me the honour of trimming me – the inner thigh area I can’t easily reach. I didn’t really want my esthetician to go play in there, I like her and all and feel very comfortable with her, but I don’t know many people who’d enjoy being butt naked, and offering such a view of their nether area. Just the thought of being waxed “there” was giving me goose bumps. He managed to do it, without cutting me or pulling on my hair too much – he’s so gentle! I felt “naked” after that, and kind of realised what people meant about being hairless, etc.

When I got at the salon, I felt a little apprehensive. I didn’t care about being naked on her table; I was worried about the upcoming pain. No matter how little she takes off, I never enjoy waxing! It doesn’t feel good, yes it kind of got easier over the years, but still I don’t like some areas – it hurts! Call me a wuss, I don’t care!

She started by my bikini area, which she does regularly, then she went into the “bush” –literally! The first strip was… unpleasant. Then the further in “the wild” she’d go, the more unwelcomed each motion was! Pain! I tell you!

She was nice and all, and would pause every so often (not often enough if you ask me!), but man, as she was getting further from the belly button, the worst it got. I even yelped at one point! Hurting! Sheer pain!!
She’d say, “it’s almost over” and yet proceed to do more! I’ve never realised how big my pubic area feels when lying on my back while every little single hair is being pulled out! It’s huge! I’m telling you! A friend of ours refers to the area as a “tarte de poil” (hair pie), it felt more like I had a “jumbo size pizza” down there! And the worst part is, I’m not that hairy!

My tolerance was being yanked off my body with each hair she was plucking. I couldn’t bear it any more, and told her to stop. She was almost done… Too bad! I sat up and looked at my glowing red vulva, and decided that a landing strip would do just fine! It’s crooked? Too bad, so sad!

The saddest part was that as I was looking at myself, I couldn’t help to think of this

I’m sure tomorrow’s surgery will be “easy” compare to this! At least tomorrow I’ll have some drugs in me!

_____

Photos: Bikini & Pain

Special Grocery List

I thought I'd share this with you... Since I'm not really in the mood to write at the moment. I don't "normally" do this, but I felt like it just now...

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and
asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.

Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."

John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"

Louise replied, "Yes sir." "O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and
whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."

Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.

The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.

It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood instunned silence.

Louise thanked him and left the store. The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; It was worth every penny of it . Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs."

THE POWER OF PRAYER: When you read this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.

Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good fortune.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Purses I think you might like?

Who'd a thunk? I didn't verify if the info provided here is accurate or not, but it does make sense to me, so I thought I'd share it with you.

Have you ever noticed gals who sit their purses on public restroom floors - that go directly to their dining tables? Happens a lot! It's not always the 'restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know 'will' hurt you"! Read on...

Mom got so upset when a guest came in the door and plopped their purses down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up the buffet. She always said that purses are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Momma!!!

It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our purses, do you have any idea what's on the outside?


Shauna Lake put purses to the test - for bacteria – with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your purse. Women carry purses everywhere; from the office to public restrooms to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their purses, but did you ever stop to think about where your purse goes during the day?

"I drive a school bus, so my purse has been on the floor of the bus a lot," says one woman. "On the floor of my car, probably in restrooms." "I put my purse in grocery shopping carts, on the floor of bathroom stalls while changing a diaper," says another woman and of course in my home which should be clean."

We decided to find out if purses harbor a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, then we set out to test the average woman's purse.

Most women told us they didn't stop to think about what was on the bottom of their purse. Most said they usually set their purses on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn't be surprised if their purses were at least a little bit dirty.

It turns out purses are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked. Microbiologist Amy Karren of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the purses tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria.

Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the purses could make people very sick. In one sampling, four of five purses tested positive for salmonella, and that's not the worst of it. "There is fecal contamination on the purses," says Amy.

Leather or vinyl purses tended to be cleaner than cloth purses, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier purses than those without, with one exception. The purse of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all. "Some type of feces, or even possibly vomit or something like that," says Amy.

So the moral of this story - your purse won't kill you, but it does has the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use hooks to hang your purse at home and in restrooms, and don't put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop.

Experts say you should think of your purse the same way you would a pair of shoes. "If you think about putting a pair of shoes onto your countertops, that's the same thing you're doing when you put your purse on the countertops" - your purse has gone where every individual before you has spat, coughed, urinated, emptied bowels, etc! Do you really want to bring that home with you?

The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a purse will help. Wash cloth purses and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather purses.

THIS IS WORTH SHARING!!!
____

Photo: Vuitton Bags

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Votre Friday Smile!

Un homme se balade dans Central Park à New York. Soudain, il voit un pitbull attaquer une petite fille. Il se précipite, attrape le chien et finit par le tuer, sauvant ainsi la gamine. Un policier qui a vu la scène arrive et lui dit :
- Vous êtes un héros. Demain, tout le monde pourra lire à la une des journaux : « Un courageux New-yorkais a sauvé la vie d'une enfant. »
L'homme répond: - Mais ... je ne suis pas de New York !
- Eh bien, on lira : "Un courageux Américain sauve une petite fille..."
- Mais... je ne suis pas Américain !
- Et qu'est ce que vous êtes alors ?
- Je suis Pakistanais.
Et le lendemain, les journaux titrent: "Un extrémiste islamiste massacre un chien américain sous les yeux horrifiés d'une petite fille."

***



Not much to add here...

***

And finally, check this out: Magic Woman (Adult Content!)

...now, that's what you call magic!!!

Have a great long weekend, fellow Canadians!
Happy Thanksgiving!

13 things I must do before next Thursday

1. Get my hair colored & cut, short!
2. Get a Heller treatment, which is like a deep tissue massage, but it hurts a bit!
(What can I say I do enjoy a little pain...)
3. Prepare our guest room for a friend arriving later on from Vancouver - in town for a
badminton tournament.
4. Do an installation at a client, and make sure they are up and running.
5. Attend my meditation classes & actually meditate! (that's a tough one!)
6. Socialize with friends from all over the world (Germany, England, Sweden, etc.), also in town for the tournament.
7. Visit with MIL in hospital.
8. Get a pregnancy test done. (They have to be sure I'm not pregnant before closing shop!)
9. Get a “complete” waxing – a Full-Brazilian if you please! (really not looking
forward to that, no matter how "good" it feels after!
)
10. Call hospital to find out when I’m due in.
11. Get a 2 hours massage – need to be completely relax! (That I will enjoy!!!)
12. Give myself an enema! (Oh joy! Can hardly wait for that one!)
13. Try to sleep and rest...

Once all those things will be completed (and then some, like the every day little things) it will be the Official closing of this baby factory! (Not that it even produce one, but still...)

...or like someone told me, the "essence of my feminity, of what makes me a woman, will be taken away..."

Give me a break, please! There's more to me than ovaries and uterus!!!
Or so I hope!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Baby on board!

This is a rant Attila’s style.

While running some errands, with Hubby, in a local strip mall we noticed two police cars and a bunch of people surrounding a mini-van. As we parked we realised that a mother had left her two kids inside the van, one of which was strapped in his “not going anywhere” seat. We couldn’t see the other one. Both were locked in.

I don’t have kids and most likely never will either (unless I get pregnant, give birth, etc. within the next 2 weeks!), but I find it strange that a parent would leave his/her kid (s) in his/her vehicle. I don’t even leave my pet in! I really don’t get that. If you didn’t want to be bothered during your “quick errands”, why did you bring your child?

How many horror stories do we have to hear about before we start being responsible?

Every summer, there’s a dumbass somewhere that leaves his/her kid in the car. There’s also those asswipes who forgotthat their kid was with them in their car (back seat)!

I remember one of my uncles left his car running while picking up dinner – he ran in for a few minutes – and my cousin sat in the driver’s seat, pretended to drive and put the car in gear. The car started heading for the river but hit a tree before plunging in. He was lucky!

What about those twats who leave their car running while they quickly go in (garage, convenience store, etc.) to pay, and their car gets stolen with their kid in the back. What a bad criminal for stealing a car with a child in it! What about the moronic parent who left it their? We always blame the bad guy and feel sorry for the parent, but he/she is just as responsible (or should I say irresponsible) as the “bad” guy. We are such a bleeding heart society it sickens me!

What needs to happen for parents to realise that a child isn’t something you leave in a car? Are we that stupid? I think so, and then some!

As we walked back to our car, one of the cops was “coaching” the kid (who was still locked in) on how to unlock the door. I told Hubby that at least, they knew where the kids were and they wouldn’t run off.

A car pulled up next to us as we got in our car; a mother with two kids in the back seats. All windows were down. She locked the doors, left the kids, who were between 6 and 10 years old, and went to the bank!

Can you say irresponsible parent or is that just unconscious? The multitudes of options an ill intended person would have with that car and those kids are endless… and yet…

Parenting should be monitored and we should be tested to see how level of aptitude. It's too easy to have kids and not take proper care of them. It's sad.

That mother with her kids locked in her van should have been charged with negligence and her kids taken away for a few days… or maybe she’d enjoy the “time off”…

Sickening I tell you!

____

Photo: Baby on board