Your Friday Smile!

Wow! This is the last Friday Smile of 2006!

I figured, this time of year, with all the germ exchanges were are doing, these were appropriate...

Flu Shot Alternative

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."


***

I shall seek and find you...

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you...

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan...

I will make you beg for mercy... beg for me to stop...

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you...

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter, and GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT!

Have a great weekend and may 2006 ends well for you!
Remember, don't drink and drive!

Boxing Day or Post Christmas...

Merry Christmas!

May the bell of Christmas ring for you,
as it does for all
who truly believe in Christmas!*

Merry Christmas everyone!

* If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch "The Polar Express", you'll understand!

Your Friday Smile!

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male)

***

Check this out, too cute!

Have a great Christmas, may it be filled with love, fun, laughter and good feelings!
And please, if when you drink, DON'T drive!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Extreme Chritmas Basket!

We delivered all the goods last night, and yet again it was a success! We did manage to fill 3 cars up.

Here's the stuff they got:

Canned goods & cleaning products.

Gift basket I made for the girls, full of creams, make-up, etc.

Gift bags for each family members.

Toilet paper, some cleaning products and bags of clothes.

The language barrier was soon broken, and the mother explained to me how they left Palestinia to come here, 3 years ago and how grateful she was to receive so much generosity.

All apprehension or other feelings I might have felt prior to last night were washed away when I showed up with the gifts (one per family member). To hear their little 2 years old scream of joy when he saw the gift bags made it all worth while! All three of us (Hubby, a friend and myself) cracked up when we heard his excitement.

Once all the goods were in the house, the couple asked us in for coffee - we politely declined and wishes them a Merry Christmas.

I'm happy to see that we have friends who wear their hearts on their sleeves, and it touched me deeply that they answered my request the way they did.

A BIG thank you to each and everyone of you, near or far, without whom I wouldn't be able to succeed and to show that there are still good people out there, willing to give for the pleasure of giving, of helping and all done without prejudice - pure goodness!!!

It beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

…Well, not really outside. We have no snow! None! It’s cold, but nothing on the ground.

I feel thorn between the fact that I love these “winter conditions”, but I also love to have a white Christmas. As I’m getting older, I get scared to drive on snow, ice and whathaveyou, but at least the snow “cleans” up everything and brings this peacefulness. Nonetheless, Christmas is around the corner, can you believe it? Unreal!

Today is the day, as far as I am concern, where I will experience (in every sense of the word) the true meaning of Christmas (for me at least): tonight, we (with the help of Hubby and a loyal, generous friend) will deliver the goods to my adoptive family.

This year I was assigned a family of six: mom, dad, three girls and one boy. They are Palestinian, and from the little conversation I have with the mother and father, they haven’t been here that long, because they don’t really speak much English or French.

I managed to get enough information to find out their sizes for clothes & shoes. Again, despite a client deciding to withdraw its participation because the family is Muslim (thus my frustration expressed in my little poem the other day), I am happy to see that we have very generous friends.

The main goal of the organization I go through is to give them food for a Christmas dinner and breakfast. I, with the help of our friends, go WAY beyond that. We have food for them, for at least a good 6 months in canned goods and household supplies. Yesterday I went to do their grocery run, for all fresh produce ($356.70 worth) including: fruits, vegetables, meat, poultry, bread, etc. Our garage is full!

Also, I made sure that each family member gets new socks, undies and pyjama (spent $205.85) as well as one gift. Yes they are Muslim and don’t celebrate Christmas, but I think it is about giving and I don’t know anybody, from whichever religion or race, who doesn’t enjoy receiving a gift! They will also get 8 big bags of clothes (used but clean), 2 bags of toys and I always make sure to get them a disposable camera which includes the photo development for free.

I really feel blessed to have friends and relatives so generous, who are willing to participate and give A LOT of food, money, clothes and toys. I wouldn’t be able to do it all without their help, at least not like the Extreme Christmas Basket.

I will meet the family for the first (and last) time tonight. I’m so excited and I’ll make sure to bring some tissues (I tend to get a little emotional at times... damn hormones!).

A new meaning to “hot lips”

Maybe I shouldn’t post this, but what the heck…

Since my surgery I was told to wait at least eight weeks before having any intercourse. Everything had to be healed inside. Fine! There are always other things we could do… right? Right!

I must say that despite me feeling good and all, there is still an area of my belly that feels like my jaw does after an “encounter” with the dentist’s freezing needle… I feel it but I don’t… You know what I mean? It’s kind of numb. It’s normal due to the incision, nerves were cut, etc. it should come back. I had knee surgery over 8 years ago, and there’s still a strip on my shin, that I just don’t feel, so I’m not holding my breath about the belly area. Before the surgery, intercourses were somewhat painful, even using tampons wasn’t pleasant at times, so…

Since we didn’t really have any errands to do, Saturday we tried to take it easy. We got up late, watched a bit of TV, ate something, and then decided to go back to bed. One thing lead to another and since I’m still wary of having anything “inside”, we “played” with each other… At one point, I felt a burning sensation, and it was sort of increasing… It got to a point where I told Hubby that I wasn’t enjoying this at all. It was burning like hell!

I got up and went to the bathroom, when I heard him cracking up in the bedroom.

S: What’s so funny?
H: Sorry about that… I think I know why it’s burning…
S: Really? Why?
H: (LOL) I had a snack earlier…
S: OK, and?
H: I had some (LOL) jalapeňos…
S: What?
H: They were a bit hot… but I washed my hands.
S: You don’t think …
H: I think so (LOL). It happened to me before. I chopped some up, washed me hands, then went for a pee, and I felt it a bit…
S: So the burning is from hot peppers? (LOL)
H: Yep! Sorry about that! (LOL)

Let’s just say that killed the mood! Both of us did crack up for the rest of the day, and we would say: “talk about hot sex”, or “That’s what you call hot lips”, etc.

Hubby loved his spicy peppers… anybody who knows him can vouch for his love of spiciness, but this “ hot afternoon snack” was a first for sure!
___

Image: Hot-lips

The Gift of Giving

Here's something I wrote (with a little help from Hubby) to express how I've been feeling regarding my yearly project of adopting a family in need at Christmas, and some issues I've been facing with some...

To keep with the spirit, I wrote it Christmas Story style...

‘Twas a month before Christmas, when all through the house,
I started organizing, with the help of my spouse;
A Christmas basket for a family in need,
For whom, my first objective, was really to feed.

Our friends I contacted by e-mail,
Hoping their generosity would not fail;
At once their responses came,
It was clear they were not lame!

What is this I hear?
Some of you may fear;
Christmas they do not celebrate,
Regardless, hunger must dissipate.

What does that matter?
Petty rivalries must shatter;
It’s not about a personal belief,
But to bring some relief.

No wonder the world is in disarray,
If charity only goes one way;
Hunger is agnostic,
Giving is fantastic!

Simply lay a hand,
And try to understand;
The meaning should be clear,
To spread some Holiday Cheer!

To give and share,
What you have and can spare;
To put food in a belly,
Help some to be merry.

It is not about religion,
Or any other reason;
Share some love with all,
That’s the meaning of Christmas, after all!

___

Image: The Gift of Giving

Your Friday Smile!

The Real Christmas story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

***

Have a great weekend everyone & please,
if you party, don't drive!

A Holiday Classic

Not the first time I've seen this, and yet, each time I identify so much with it...

I'm sure you will to. I'm actually going through something similar with my Christmas Basket, Oh! the joy of organizing!

****

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2006

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2006

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2006

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name.

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and Executives believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 04, 2006

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. (Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.)

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Fucking Employees

DATE: October 05, 2006

RE: The Fucking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 06, 2006

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Six Weird Things Me

I should post this in my "All About Lists" section, but I figured most of you don't go in there to see, so...

I’ve been tagged by Trueself and Elf, within two days, to do the same meme.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you.” People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says, “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

I don't know if these six things are really weird, but they sure are things that make me "Stinkypaw"!

So, here goes:

1. Despite being a second-degree black belt in a full contact karate style, I’m afraid of spiders!
2. I always clear ALL the snow off my car in winter; it has to be completely cleared before driving away.
3. My left thumb’s knuckle goes in when I do certain movements
4. Even when I feel my muscles are very tight, my range of motion doesn’t get that restricted – physios do think it is a bit weird
5. I love to write on paper, not just electronically. Nice writing paper is a real treat for me!
6. I can talk about death and be very comfortable – it’s part of life!

I tag:

1. 3Carnations, 2. GG, 3. Jan 4. Preppygirl, 5. R, 6. SkippyMom

Votre Friday Smile!

A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

***

À l'hospice pour personnes âgées, Marie-Berthe est la reine de la chaise roulante, catégorie plus de 85 ans. Elle adore foncer dans les couloirs de la maison de retraite, prendre un maximum de vitesse dans les portions droites et les virages sur une roue. Parce qu'elle n'a pas tout à fait sa tête, les autres pensionnaires tolèrent ses frasques; certains pensionnaires masculins participant parfois à son délire de reine de la route et de la vitesse.

Un jour, alors que Marie-Berthe fonce dans un couloir, une porte s'ouvre au bout du couloir et son copain Roger s'avance vers elle, le bras tendu en criant: "Rangez votre véhicule sur le côté et arrêtez le moteur!" Marie-Berthe s'arrête immédiatement et Roger s'approche : "Bonjour Madame, pouvez-vous me présenter votre permis et les papiers du véhicule?" Marie-Berthe farfouille dans son sac, sort un emballage de chocolat KIT KAT et un vieux billet de loto et les tend à Roger. "Ok! C'est en ordre", dit celui-ci, "vous pouvez circuler!"

Aussitôt, Marie-Berthe repart en trombe sur sa chaise roulante... Plus loin, alors qu’elle prend son virage sur une roue près du salon de télévision, Marcel, un autre copain, se plante devant elle et demande : "Avez-vous l'attestation d'assurance pour ce véhicule ?"
Marie-Berthe farfouille dans son sac et tend à Marcel une feuille de salade. Marcel fait semblant d'examiner la feuille et dit : "C'est bon! Vous pouvez reprendre la route Madame".
Marie-Berthe repart, tourne au bout du couloir et tombe sur Régis, planté au milieu du couloir.
Régis est complètement nu et tient, dans sa main, son sexe en érection.
"Oh Non!", dit Marie-Berthe, "pas encore l'alcotest!!!"

***

How many times have we been "up there without one?"

And you thought there was no such place, huh????

Have a great weekend!
If you party, please don't drink & drive!

Everything is all right by me now *

I was “invited” by Jade to post on her blog “In-Laws From Hell”. When I received her invitation I thought about it and figured I had a few horror stories to tell… Trust me I do! Anybody who knows me knows about my relationship (or lack of) with my mother-in-law. She disliked me from the moment I met her. I’ve been with Hubby since January 1994 (want to know how we met, read this).

Today, I feel a little awkward for accepting Jade’s offer to be a contributor on her blog, since at the moment things are actually quite good with my MIL… It’s been like that since August 25th. On that day Hubby received a phone call from his mother asking us to visit her in the hospital. She was being operated the next morning because they had found a lump on her belly. After two long months in the hospital, fighting colorectal cancer and C-Difficile, my MIL made a 180 turn in her behaviour towards me. Funny what being scared to die will do to a person!

Her prognostic isn’t good. She knows it. We’ve seen more of Hubby’s parents in the past four months than we did in the last 12 years. I must say it is very freaky (for me, at least)! It is such a change that I feel unstable, like I could tip over at any time, and yet…

Sunday afternoon we went over because there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed before her death. MIL is the one in charge in that household; she takes care of the house, the cooking, laundry, finances and everything else basically. FIL basically worked and did some “handy” chores around the house, but nothing else, really. They are the typical couple of the 50's. FIL is totally overwhelmed by the situation. He is completely lost and when she dies he will be a big mess.

At one point I ended up with MIL in one room and Hubby ended up with his father in the kitchen. For some strange reason, since MIL got sick and despite all the pain she inflicted me I’ve been there for her and FIL (as well as their son, don’t get me wrong!). I visited her while she was in the hospital (three rooms down from my room when I had my surgery, ironic isn’t it?), tried to help where I could. If someone had told me that one day I would help that woman to do anything I would have laughed in his or her face. The feelings I had for her weren’t good ones – she had hurt me deep and I wasn’t about to act as if nothing happened… or so I thought. I’ve tried to make things work, I really did. I tried talking to her, writing her, but to no avail. She didn’t want to.

Sunday, I told her to take the time she has left to mend whatever she could with whomever. She was given an opportunity to do right and to clear the air with some people; she should take advantage of it. She did. We talked like never before, openly, about how we felt about each other. It felt good, and I wanted that.

I wanted her to leave in peace, not with anger in her heart. She may or not mend everything, but at least with me, some very big steps were made. While talking with her, I came to realise that deep down I did not dislike her; I was just “reacting” to her way of treating me (I disliked how she treated me and her son). We open a new channel of communications and cleared some things.

I’m not saying that all is forgotten, but a part of me feels like it’s not worth it to hold on to my anger towards her. It’s not worth the effort to remain disgruntled; I rather focus my energy on helping her to come to term with the challenges that she will have to face soon. She has some pretty rough times ahead of her, we all do. The next few months won’t be easy, but like in every lessons life offers, we will learn and grow from this…
___

Image: Peaceful

* David Usher

This time of year...

I remember our winters, with snow banks higher than some houses, and schools being closed for days because of a snowstorm. That doesn’t happen much anymore. I think Mother Nature is going “through the change” (read menopause). Why do I think that? Well… the past few years the weather has been pretty erratic. It doesn’t snow like it used to, at least not in the Montreal region. We never know from one day to the next what the temperature will be like. Before after the first snowfall, we knew we were in for a few months of cold weather and snow. It’s not like that anymore…

Last Thursday, it went up to 15°C (about 59° F), which is a bit warm for this time of year. It felt more like spring was coming instead of winter. Friday we had our first ice storm of the season – everything was covered in a thing layer of ice. It made the trees beautiful, even if a lot of them broke down from the weight of the ice. It made the roads and sidewalks slippery, lots of little accidents occurred. Mid-afternoon was the worst; freezing rain. Then yesterday we had a small snowstorm. It was beautiful! Everything was covered in white and all day big snowflakes came down – a real Christmasy feel and look.

I just love this time of year – with the snow covering all the ugliness and dirtiness of the city. With all the decorations and lights, it felt and looked like Christmas was coming.

I love the quietness snow brings, as well as its peacefulness. Today, the sun is shining, the snow is melting and a thin layer of slush is covering our roads. It is now the time to fill up on windshield washer fluid, because within minutes of being on the road, you can’t see anything, one of the ugly faces of winter in Montreal.

Speaking of Christmas, yesterday Hubby sat down and signed all our Christmas cards – we sent 90 this year – I sealed them all and even managed to mail them. I also wrapped some gifts!

I’m happy to report, not to piss off anybody, I’m done! Yes, you read correctly, I’m done with my Christmas shopping and all. I’m done! I’m so done, I’m crispy!

It feels good to be free! Now, I can really enjoy Christmas and focus on my “adoptive” family. Time to get cooking and baking!

____

Image: Christmas Shopping

Votre Friday Smile!

There are always two ways to look at everything, I guess.

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

***

Grand-père et grand-mère sont en visite chez leur petit fils lorsque à grand-père trouva une bouteille de Viagra dans la pharmacie de son petit fils. Il lui demanda s'il pouvait utiliser une des pilules de Viagra.

Son petit fils lui répondit: "Je ne crois pas que tu devrais en prendre une, car c'est très fort et très dispendieux".

"Combien?" demanda le grand-père. "$10.00 la pilule" répondit le petit fils.

"Je m'en fou, j'aimerais en essayer une, et avant de partir demain matin, je te laisserai $10.00 sous l'oreiller."

Le lendemain matin, le petit fils trouva $110.00 sous l'oreiller.

Il appela immédiatement grand-père et lui dit: "Je t'avais dit grand-père que chaque pilule était $10.00 pas $110.00!"

"Je sais" dit le grand-père. "Le $100.00 est de ta grand mère!"

***

And finally, Why Men Aren't Secretaries...

Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.

Have a great weekend!