Early Friday Smile!

This weekend we celebrate Canada Day (on July 1st), so this Early Edition of the Friday Smile is all about being Canadian!

My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN
I am a minority in Vancouver, Toronto and every casino in this my own country.
I was born in 1958, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND in the 1700's!!
I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.
I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.
All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.
I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.
Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to pee in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.
Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides most of my nation's prime ministers.
95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.
I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair. I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.
I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.
I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire" painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase - Even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.
When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."
I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet ... OR too dry... must be because I control the rain.
My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know either of them.
Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.
I am not an angry white male. I am an angry taxpayer who is @#$%^& broke!
... My name is Norm, and I am Canadian.

***

What makes Canadians Canadian? Something like this, eh...

Have a great long weekend to all crazy Canucks!
Happy Moving Day to all who will be moving this weekend!

Squeezed

This is how I've been feeling the past few days: A little squeezed! There are so many things to do, to prepare, to pay and to think of... Argh!

I feel a little squeeze for time as well, so you’ll excuse me if I don’t do my rounds as usual… I’ll be honest if I see a long post I click away. Sorry.

For those who might care (you know who you are) I will be away from Blogsville for a few days because our big moving day is here! Tomorrow we are signing the papers to take possession of it all, and then Thursday morning we are out of Stinky Pierrefonds! Woohoo!! I just can’t wait!

I am fully aware (and scared a little) that things won’t be perfect, but who cares, it will be new! We will still be doing some “in-house camping” until our new furniture is delivered, but I don’t mind! I’m so excited!

We were there this morning and the place looks really good! It’s going to be so different! It sure will be a new lifestyle! Can’t wait! Did I say I was excited?!

So, try not to miss me too much and hopefully I’ll be back online within a few days, once I'm out of boxes...

TTFN!

Tout ou Rien*

As we all know, things tend to all happen at once. You have nothing planned for the weekend, then you get 3 offers to do something. No matter how well you plan, there's always a time in each of our lives when too many happens at the same time. We are going through one of those phases. Oh, I'm not complaining, but I can't wait for the day when things get back to "normal". I'm realising that I do enjoy my quiet little life. I do enjoy my peace and quiet. I like my routine. Call me whatever, but there are some things that should be kept "stable". I'm not enjoying this "too many pieces moving at the same time" thing we are currently going through. Between the move, the MIL's condition, Hubby looking for a new contract, it's a bit much...

This past week I spent it hunting for a notary for my in-laws (they need to get their wills in order), trying to do some work for my clients, get our move organised and packed, make sure the builder is doing what we paid for, throw in a day where I felt like crap due to digestive problems and a day without my car because it sounded like somebody was hiding under it wacking spoons or something and now you have an idea of how things went. The worst part about my car is that as soon as I left the mechanic's lot I could hear that rattling again, worst than before I brought it in. They had the balls to charge me over $200 and it was still making noise! I don't think so! I brought it back in the next morning, feeling like somebody should be pinching my nipples (read this, if you don't know what I mean)! They fixed it, or at least the noise stopped. After the garage I made my way to the notary’s office for the sale of our house, to find out that a few years ago when we re-financed our mortgage, the previous mortgage company never issued a receipt so we had to pay an extra $600 to do so. Fuckers! One more experience we will tag as a “first time home owner learning experience”.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to organize a little get together for my MIL’s 64th birthday. Since this was going to be her last birthday with us I wanted her to be surrounded with her loved ones one last time. I say “one last time” because we see that’s she is going fast… A few more weeks max. I called her brother, who lives one hour away from here; her sister, who actually lives 8 hours away but who’s in town at the moment. We all met at the hospital for some bubbly and birthday cake.

We made our way to the hospital with 12 beautiful roses from the same florist who has been serving us for many years. As we were leaving she told Hubby that once the roses were wilted to come back and she would replace them, her gift to his mother. Now, that is one sweet gesture. There are still good people out there… despite the morons we encounter daily. My MIL was so happy. A few times she got teary eyes, but overall we could see that despite her awareness of her situation, she was happy to be with her family.

From the hospital we made our way to the condo. In 5 freakin’ days we are moving! The wooden floor was partially put down. Some of the things that weren’t right are still that way. NOT GOOD. Things have been pending long enough. We want to see certain things done as per our specification before we move in. Since Monday is a legal holiday here, they will have only 2, that’s right, two days left to fix everything! We will be meeting the project manager next week to have a "little" chat!

Someone told me last week that I looked a little stressed or distracted. Really? Hummm, don’t know why. It’s not like there’s anything going on in my life to make me stress…

___
Image: Rain pours

*All or Nothing

Your Friday Smile!

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, The jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.
The young blonde's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

***

Embarassing Medical Exams:

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR


A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name

And Finally...

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Have a great long weekend everyone!
And for all the Québécois - Joyeuse St-Jean Baptiste!

Don't know what to think...

Did you know that there is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research?

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Now tell me this isn't a sad reflection of our times?

Ever had one of “those”?

The last few days have been a little busy to say the least… between packing boxes, doing some work for our company and for some clients, trying to book some appointments before we move, and to “shop” for a notary for my in-laws, I feel like I’m going bananas!

I decided to take a few minutes for me, and to express myself on my blog… I’m like an old engine, some steam need to come out! What started out as a fairly normal day quickly turned. As I tried to prepare the paychecks from one of my clients, I encountered a glitch in the system. I tried to solve it myself, to no avail. So I call the technical support. I was charged $113.95 for 45 min. on the phone with a technician who, in the end, told me he couldn’t tell me why it wasn’t working properly. The file might be corrupted on something. He gave me a “work around” solution, but the problem isn’t really fixed. Because I spent so much time on the phone, I missed the deadline to submit the pays so that the boys get their pays on Thursday. They will be paid on Friday instead. I’m sure I’ll hear about that.

Then, I decided to call around for a notary. My MIL asked me to do so; she wants to amend her will. I’ve called so many places and the prices vary so much from one to the other, it’s unreal.

While I’m on the phone, the notary of our house buyers’ called to set the appointment for the signing of all documents for the sale. I have a phone in both hands and I feel just a little stress by now…
Hang up with that one, phone rings again it’s a supplier re. an order I’ve been trying to place for at least two weeks. NOW he calls back! Of all time! Managed to do that as well. Stress level just a little higher…

Quickly eat a bite for lunch (at around 2pm), when the phone rang again. This time it was our new bank. They offer a service of switching all our automatic transactions for us. Great! But I have to provide them with all the account numbers for each thing. Gah!
At one point I told the lady to call me back another day – I wasn’t up for that just now.

Then I realised that I needed to make an appointment for my car, something is making noise when I turn corners, so I called the garage. (Going in Thursday morning for that.) I remembered that I wanted to make sure that all my car payments should be done as of this month – they are! Woohoo! My car is paid for!!! (At least, that is good news!)

Oh did I say that there’s a technician who just came in to fix our smoke detector? It was going off for no reason, at any time. Hubby cut it off last week, now we need to replace it. Why couldn't it break in a month or so? We are out of here in 10 days! But nooooo!

I feel a little out of breath… huumm...

Your Friday Smile!

Let's all be thankful that it wasn't our kid who came home with this tattoo...

***

And I personnaly think this is the funniest tattoo :


Now that's what I call having a sense of humour!

Have a great weekend and
Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's!

Oh joy!

In 14 days we will be moving. Did I say 14? Yep, 14 little days going by really fast!

Every week since we bought the condo we’ve been on site in to check on their progress. Some weeks it didn’t show much, and others we could see that it was starting to take shape. Last week the gyproc was put up. Then they did the joints.

Yesterday we where there to meet with a closet guy, to maximize our space (I’m so, but so sad that I lost my lovely walk-in. I now have “reach-in”, so sad…), as we walked in we were surprised to see that the tiling had been done. Then I saw my little kitchen. They had put up all the cupboards – wow! What a difference and then I noticed it…

We had decided that our cupboards would be "shaeker" style, and what they installed isn’t. Hubby turned mad in a flash and I was trying to remain somewhat calm because we were there for the closets. That poor guy, who looked like a kid, could see that neither of us was really happy at that exact moment.

We took pictures of the things that were wrong (keeping a log for when we meet the builder) and headed to the builder’s office. We met with him. Let’s just say that he wasn’t as happy as when we came in, by the time we left.

Both of us went to bed thinking about these issues because Hubby was up way early and I had a dream about the tiles’ colour. I had to get up to make sure. I looked at the pictures we took (Thank Techno for digital cameras!) and couldn’t really see the colour of the floor. Talked with Hubby later on and he doesn’t really remember that… Great!

We have to go back this weekend to paint the locker in the garage before the water heater goes in, so I guess it will have to wait until then… Now I’m starting to stress about how the appliances will fit and if the builder did follow the specs we gave him…We knew troubles were part of that game, but we also hoped that "maybe" this builder would be different...

Oh the joy of construction…

That is just lovely!

Our stinky borough of Pierrefonds (read Hubby’s blog to know more about our issues with Stinky Pierrefonds) is one who promotes recycling. And being the good little citizens that we are, we try to do our share for the environment. We do recycle. A lot. We even use our own bags when we go grocery shopping. We don’t hose down our driveway, because that is the dumbest way to waste drinkable water! We try to “help” in little ways…

Back in the summer of 1999 I made my way to the Citizen Services’ office to get our Blue Recycling Bin. I was asked for a $10 deposit which I paid.

Today I called their Services and asked if I do bring back the bin do I get my money back? Nope. They don't do that. Wow!

Isn’t it great to have a Stinky City that cares so much for its citizens? For years we lived in a stinky area; thus our decision to move away from here and when I try to get my “deposit” back, they just won’t do it. Lovely! Just Lovely!

I told the lady I spoke with that they should change their forms to say that we actually are “buying” the bin instead of “making a deposit” for it. She didn’t say anything… Funny how that is!

What small steps are taken to achieve freedom for us all.

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg, South Africa & London.
A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she asked. "You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later.

"Madam,just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class. I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.

"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."

She turned to the black guy, & said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up & applauded.

This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this to all your friends.

WELL DONE, British Airways!

True story or not, I think it's sad that today, in 2007, some people still think this way...

Your Friday Smile!

When to start Cussing ...

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

****

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

(This one was from Kingman, KS.)

_______________________________________________________


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. (And he was a Kansas City chef!)

_______________________________________________________


IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
(Happened in Birmingham, Ala.)

... and they walk among us and REPRODUCE. Kinda scary, huh?

Have a great weekend!

Indecent Exposure to Cars

Last summer I posted something about all the activities we have in the summer in Montreal. I heard of a new one happening this weekend and I just think it’s too funny.

Last weekend was the “Tour de l’île de Montréal”; some streets were closed for this annual event. It went on for a few days, with a night tour, a tour for kids, than on Sunday it was the Big tour – over 30,000 cyclists took part in this. It’s been happening for years. We did it once. Way too many people for my taste, but I’m happy I experienced it at least once.

On Saturday, Montreal will be the host of its first “World Naked Bike Ride”! Yep. You read correctly. I knew we were an open city, that we have an open mind (I think it’s the French thing), but I had no idea we were that “open”. All around the world, cyclists will ride naked on Saturday.

This should be an interesting sight. I wonder if the chafing will be an issue for some? Will they put something on their saddle to prevent it? All this to be heard (I guess I should say "seen") for a cause: protesting oil dependency.
I do think it’s a good cause, but I can’t help to wonder if it’s really to attract attention to the cause or to simply ride a bike naked?

The Montreal Police and City Officials said they would not interfere with the naked cyclists.

Check out their website: World Naked Bike Ride , maybe they’ll be riding in your city as well…

Check this one as well, and read some of the FAQs, too funny.

___

Image: WNBR

"Time Is On My Side", or is it?

Since last night this song is in my head, not the whole song, just that... Tiiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is... Tiiiiime...

Do you ever do something and then think “Why did I do that?”. I do, often. While I was visiting my mother on Mother’s Day she told me about a friend of the family who had been diagnosed with bone cancer. Even if I hadn’t seen him in years I felt sad for this strong and lively man who was now suffering and yielding away. I wrote him a letter in which I thanked him for being part of my life for so long, for being a strong character figure, a constant in my life. I felt that I wanted to let him know how he had touched me, and I wanted to do it while he was still alive. That’s one regret I won’t have.

My MIL's cancer has been progressing and finally one oncologist gave a timeline. It’s not good, about 2 months only. It must be the strangest thing to know that you have so little time left. We all know that “one day” we will die, but to know that there’s an actual timeframe, must be really, really… I can’t even say it.

My meditation teacher often says that we are here to prepare our deaths. At first I used to think that it was morbid. Now, not so much. We don’t talk about death. We don’t want to face it. That’s the only thing we should all be certain of; we will all die. One day. We just don’t know when though. But to know when, or to have an idea of “when”, what would you do about it?

If you have faith then it might be easier, I say might because faith doesn’t preclude being afraid. Maybe because I’ve been surrounded by death since a very young age, I can’t say that I’m afraid of dying. I’m scared shitless of suffering, that I don’t want. But dying…
I do think that if we live every day to the fullest, really say what we mean, not always postponed things, not hurt others intentionally, live life the way it’s meant to be lived, death won’t be so scary because we didn’t waste our time here.

Imagine being on your deathbed and using those last moments to say “Oh I should have…” or “I wish I could have…” that would be sad. A friend once told me, “It’s better to have a regret than a doubt”. It took me years to really understand what he meant. I prefer being sorry for something I did or said rather than regret not having said anything… but that’s the way I am.

I’ll leave you with this text I got from a friend via e-mail a little while back. I removed the “chain” aspect of it, but I liked the message.

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!

A sick man turned to his doctor,as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know a little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing. I know my Master is there and that is enough. "

May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

What would you do if you knew that “time wasn’t really on your side”?…

___
Image: Beach in Kauai, taken by Hubby

We walked and stayed awake!

Well, we did it! We participated in a very interesting experience: "Relay for Life".

We shared 12 hours with cancer survivors, relatives and friends - every person there had one goal: to walk against cancer and to remember those we lost to it.

We were over 1 500 walkers, 300 survivors and over 5 000 luminaries lit our path for part of the night (I say part, because it rained for a part as well). That specific relay (Vaudreuil-Soulanges) raised over $333 000, among which our team "FORCA" raised $5 870. Hubby & I did manage to raise $2 135 thanks to all our generous friends & relatives' contributions.

The first lap was done by cancer survivors and I must say it was quite moving to see all those smiling faces, filled with emotion and pride to still be alive. One thing for sure, cancer is one thing that shows no discrimination whatsoever. To see a child, bald, walking along all those people did pull on some heartstrings. Then we started walking. We walked in turns of 30 min. As night fell the luminaries were lit. It gave a whole different vibe to the place.

This was/is a good cause and it was comforting to see people's generosity for it. It is with our pledges and actions that we will give more power to research and maybe manage to fight off this evil curse and to keep our loved ones longer.

Special thanks to my "blend" Liz who generously supported me, without even "really" knowing me - it meant a lot!
___

Picture: Taken by Hubby

Your Friday Smile!

A man walks into the street and just as it starts to sprinkle, he manages to get a taxi just as it's passing by. He climbs into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank - every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few dark clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. And oh you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - the perfect man!"

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his f...king widow."

***

Since everyone seemed to enjoy the towells last week, I thought I'd show you this:


Ain't it perky?

***

And to end this week on a good note for the boys:

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Have a great weekend everyone
& please think of me tonight,
I'll be taking part of the Relay for Life...