Day Toomany - Popular Renovations Chronicle

 Twelve days since my last post... time just flies when having fun or not, it keeps on going.  Construction being what it is, whatever traces are left from the pandemic and add to that our impatience to get things done, we find ourselves frustrated, tired and VERY short fused... mostly with each other.  I had been told renovations can be hard on a couple, and I can now confirm that is true.  Granted I start with barely any fuse on a good day, so adding stress and all this shit and well, things do get heated at times.  Moving on.

People have been bugging me (yeah bugging!) about how long it is taking me to unpack, to get things organized and since I don't control much into this whole process except how often I write checks or transfer funds really, it has been taking its toll on me.  Anyone who (has the pleasure to) knows me, knows that I'm organized and like things in their place.  This experience has been anything but...  Yes we have to keep our eyes on the prize.  We will have a beautiful home once it all done, but in the meantime it's a big fuckin' mess, really.

That being said, I do see that things are nice, what is done is beautiful, but with big projects like this we are bound to have things go wrong, like missing pieces, wrong measurements, etc.  Besides the bookcase in the basement and my office, things are not completed.  Here are some pictures to give you an idea...

Our walkin closet in the entry way, is missing a top on some drawer, no biggy.  Still managed to fill it out and have all our shoes, boots, etc. in one spot and by the front door!

Then on to the kitchen... We had chosen a quartz top which we were told was backordered, soooo we selected another one and it's not coming in before December 16th... so our kitchen, water room and bathroom have no counters... which means no sink nor faucets... The plumber was kind enough to 'lend' us an old sink and faucet on a piece of plywood so that we don't have to use the garage's sink when brushing our teeth or washing our hands or even doing the dishes...

As you can see, I've been unpacking anyway, storing things away and trying to figure out where things will go...  But no counter top means no workspace to prepare food or to stack things on while emptying a box... Fun I tell you!

In our bedroom the walkin is done, but also missing a pole, so still have clothes in Hubby's office, until I can hang the longer garments.

To think that starting on Monday, the painter is coming back to finish painting the basement and all the closets, that I will have to empty, again, I feel like rolling myself into a ball in a corner, suck on my thumb and cry a little... La madame est fatiguée!

At least my office is done, well mostly, the electrician still has to install some lighting underneath the top cabinets, and now I have the pleasure to unpack it all.  Between work and craft, there is a LOT of shit... 

But it will be so pretty and so organized once all set up, can't wait to get back to my crafts!  Work well... it is that, work! ;-)

And lastly our most damaged room, after the kitchen, our bathroom; still bath less and toilet less - but thank Dog we can shower - is in serious need of a complete repaint job...

So after the quartz has been installed (mid-December if everything goes well!), the contractor will come back to install the backsplash in the kitchen, finish up little things here and there, have the plumber come back to install all the sinks, faucets, tub and toilet and the electrician to install lights in the bathroom, kitchen, office and finish up the connection of every electrical outlets now being wires in a hole on different walls... and that does not even include the carpenter's visit to finish what was left unfinished because of missing pieces... or the gal to install the wall paper...  Yep things are progressing nicely!  ...just saying!

Day Fifteen - Popular Renovations Chronicle

A few days went by and things are slowly, but surely, getting more completed.  This morning a cute guy came by to measure everything for the quartz countertops.  If only the men who came in and out of this place lately could be like that one... he was clean, cute, polite and fast!  

Overall I'd say the work is progressing fine.  We are both tired to not have our refuge to ourselves.  Not only do many people come in our bubble but they leave it dirty, and we both hate that.  We are also both tired of having to get up early, as neither one of us are early birds.  It's been rough. I told a friend today that I'm a night owl, and don't do well with early birds, and if this keeps up I will turn into a bird of prey!

At times I feel like telling them to stop with the noise, the banging and all... but I keep reminding myself it's for our comfort in the long run, and it will end.  ...eventually!   Hubby is really not a happy camper, as we are basically camping in our home... He's been cooking using either our slow cooker or our air fryer in the garage.  At first it was on a folding table, but the last few days, it's been on top of our new kitchen sink box... It is getting old really fast...

BUT, I'm happy to say that one thing is completely done!  Check it out:

 Our new bookcase is the basement!  I love it!  I had it made deep to be able to contain all my scrapbooking albums, photo albums, our books, and the bottom section will be for our games and such.  Starting to fill it up as soon as I can find the right boxes!

Now, if you'll excuse me, boxes are calling my name to be unpacked!

Tourlou!

Day Eleven - Popular Renovations Chronicle

I think I'm too tired to do my daily report... things are moving along.  I see the progress and just now I finished vacuuming part of the ground floor because there was just too much saw dust for us at the moment...  This guy is a real fuckin' messy worker... and he's like a virus spreading around the whole freaking house...  I have my doubts he will be all done by end of day tomorrow... but time will tell...

Here is what our kitchen looks like at the moment...

I (I should say we, really!) will have so much storage!!! (doing a butt happy dance in my chair)  and part of my new and improved office... it will give me so much more space to create!

There is still lots to do, so many little adjustments... before everything is mounted and done... and I'm not even talking about the guys having to return to finish the tiling in the kitchen, re-installing our appliances... and me washing and FINALLY unpacking boxes!  

I'm hoping to be done before Christmas... 😟😫😭

Day Ten - Popular Renovations Chronicle

 Another day completed and things are progressing... It started slow this morning since we were hit with a nice snow storm today.  Supposedly traffic was a nightmare so the worker (and his teenage son) arrived later.  I was a bit taken aback when I saw the "team" especially since I was told they would be done in three days.  When they arrived, Senior walked around with all the plans and told his son to unpack certain things.  He's quite chatty actually, but man, he can rock 'n roll from what I can see at end of their first day.  He works all over the place, spends some time in the kitchen, then goes to the basement to work some, then goes into the bathroom, then into the laundry room, a bit in my office...  it's weird, but things are getting installed, and that's the main thing!

Here's a peek at the bathroom, when he installed some cabinets above the (future) tub...

I have to say that even if he seems to be quite productive, he's not a clean worker...  There is wrapping paper and cardboard all over.  When he was done for the day, he left his tools, on the floor, right where he was, put on his coat and left.  Since he's supposed to be here for three days only,  I'm hoping he will clean up after himself by the time he's done.  Time will tell.  There are (already!) things that need to be corrected, but nothing too major just yet. 

This is it for today's Chronicle.  Stay warm and see you tomorrow!  

Day Nine - Popular Renovations Chronicles

 And so another week started in the Popular Renovations.   Actually, last night we felt an earthquake, a 3.7 magnitude, and in the area of... Terrebonne! 

Talk about some weird luck, if after all the renovations we were to be hit by an earthquake. If you're curious, listen to this seismologist with Natural Resources Canada:
https://omny.fm/shows/cjad-800/did-you-feel-the-earthquake  It was a small one, but we sure heard and felt the house shake!

Today, was delivery of all cabinets, etc.  We went from somewhat livable to this...

This is for the Kitchen... alone...

This is for my office...

this is for the Bathroom...

Can I say claustrophobia wasn't an issue when we started this project, but I might be slowly starting to feel it?  I sure feel "cozy" at the moment... I look around and have no idea who the guys are going to do to install it all when there is barely any room left for them to move...  The two men who delivered it all commented that "normally" they deliver about thirty to forty cabinets.  Today they brought in over sixty-two not counting the planks, etc.  I guess it IS a BIG job!  Crazy and somewhat overwhelming... but I trust things to keep on moving the way they have this far...  Stay tune!

Day Five - Popular Renovations Chronicle

 Another day bites down the dust, in all ways, meanings of this expression... the last day of team A.  Today they completed all ceramic joints (floor and wall), sanded one last time the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room and all closets walls.  They are done, for Step One of these Popular Renovations.

The also prep the wall for the cabinets which will be delivered next week.

After they were done with all this, they actually vacuumed everywhere (they had been) and even mopped the floors!  For them to mop the bathroom floor after they were done with the joints I get that, but to mop the closets, etc., wow!  These two are really something else!  When we had talked before they started the actual demolition, the son had said they would have a container delivered here for the week.  At the time I thought there would be debris from the demolition, but since I was trying to sell a lot of the cabinets and other things that were taken out, there would be less.  It made sense if only for the convenience of it, rather than having to deal with garbage bags and their disposal.

That's how much junk came out of our home... unreal!

 
Have a great weekend and enjoy the peace and quiet of your home!  I know I will! 😉

Day Four - Renovations Chronicle

I can't believe how much I appreciate the quietness after the men leave...

This morning I tried to stay in bed when they showed up, but with the racket they were making I just lay in bed and thought.  My little hamster never stops going in this little wheel of mine, lately... I swear, I almost get dizzy from all the thoughts that hit me at times.  Today was a day of sanding some walls and doing the ceramic behind the tub.  They guys weren't too happy having to install in at an angle, but I thought it would be nicer.  

I find it almost look like a Frost fence! 👀  But I like it! When I told the designer what I thought it reminded of, he was not too impressed... so touchy!

Tomorrow is their last day, they will do all the joints, and finalize everything so that the walls are ready for the cabinet installation. 

Next week,  a new team, the installers, will be coming in.  Hope that goes all as well as Team A did...

Time will tell!

Day Three - Renovations Chronicle

 Today will be a short post, things are still on the right track, running smoothly, which makes us very happy.  It wasn't a quiet day in the house, Hubby escaped again.  The lucky man can go to his employer's office ten minutes from home for some peace and quiet and he can even shower there, which he did today!

I've been thinking how I'm going to manage that tomorrow, as our shower will not be available for a few days...  He offered to take me to his office, but that would be after working hours, I'm thinking...  

Tomorrow the plan is to do the ceramic (on the wall) and finish the kitchen's walls. The guys show up really early, and as most of you who do know me, I'm no early bird.  I've been getting even shorter nights than usual, to the point that this morning, while they were cutting tiles and banging whatever it was, I fell asleep and slept for more than one hour!  I guess it's true that one can sleep through anything when tired enough! ah!

And I did manage to sell and liberate the garage of the old vanity!  Yay me!  Been trying to sell some of the stuff we've been taken off/out.  I wasn't too thrill to just get rid of it all (as strongly suggested by Hubby), so I took pictures and posted some items on MarketFace.  I'm always amazed at what does and does not sell on there...  A lot of people ask questions, but few do follow through.  I'm happy that I've managed to sell a bunch of things, like light fixtures, blinds, furniture, and once I'll be unpacking the many boxes, I'm sure there will be stuff in there it will be time for me to get rid of.  Anyhoo... one thing at the time, and these days it is all about the renovations! 😉

Day Two - Renovations Chronicle

 Another one bites the dust, or in this case, I'm breathing dust!  BUT things are moving along.  

Today was a day for the plumber, the electrician (a woman, thank you very much!) a bit more demolition and some of the drywall has been put up.

They vacuumed the 'site' at the end of their day, empty the garbage and I really like the way they work.  They're a fun and pleasant team, and so far I have nothing negative to say about them.  There's a big container parked in our driveway... unbelievable the amount of crap demolition generates!  And dust!!

Day One - Demolition!

 Today started thirty minutes ahead of the scheduled time, and about twenty minutes ago the workers left...

I'll give them that: they are efficient!  I've asked them to start with the bathroom, since I have a few people interested to buy a few things, so...

As the day went along, the noise level was getting higher, and Hubby left to go to the office - too much noise since he needed to be on a zoom call.  They took a break for lunch and then they attacked the kitchen...

When I came down to see what had been done, I was a little... surprise to say the least.  Father and son team... I must say I'm impressed!

Now let's keeping our fingers crossed that it keeps on going this way!

Oh My!

 Had not realized it had been THAT long since I last posted... I guess that is what happens when life takes over and runs with it all!

Where do I start? Won't/can't recall it all so basically, since my last post, we truly realized that condo life wasn't for us.  Having to deal with (mostly!) morons on a daily base and to "mother" them was really not for us.  Yes we are slow learners, you could say that, since we tried twice, once in a smaller syndicate for eight years and the second time a much bigger one with ninety-four co-owners... 

We chose not to be parents because we didn't want the responsibilities which come with having someone to take care of, the having to explain and re-explain and repeat over and over until either the kid gets it or we give up and do it ourselves... we didn't want that part.  Being in a condo association felt like that, explaining, repeating and having to keep cool at others stupidity and none caring attitudes... We tried.  I really did, I even got involved more than I ever thought I would, but it the end, before it got the best of me, I got out.  We talked about it all and came to the conclusion that we needed to start looking for a "stand alone" house.  We would look on Centris, spot a few houses and then do a drive-by to see the neighborhood, etc.  We made two different offers.  The market was (still) crazy.  One of the house we made an offer on had over ninety visits and almost fifty offers, among which ours was flat out refused.  The other house we bet on, our offer was also refused, but a week later we were informed by the agent the credit of the potential buyer had some issues, so we upped our offer and we got it.  The day the agent called Hubby to inform him our offer had been accepted, when he told me, my initial reaction was: "Fuck!"  Yep, you read that right, fuck!  I wasn't happy, excited or whatever else feeling one should feel when they buy a house, but my (sick) brain went directly to:  OK, get packing!  Time to stage the house, get rid of shit, put this place up for sale, what if we don't sell?  Shit!  Can we deal with two mortgages?...  Fucked up brain I tell you!  The thoughts that hit me weren't happy ones, trust me.

The way the Energy works is always surprising and interesting to me.  The day we were leaving to visit the house, I came across this lady walking her dog.  When I saw her, I smiled and kept on walking.  By the time I was making it to the garage's entrance, where Hubby was waiting for me, we had introduced ourselves, and she had told me she was a real estate agent, and she was friend with a couple living in our syndicate.  She lives a street over in the same area.  Since we had to sell our place, we contacted the agent who had sold it to us six years prior, and met with her.  We also decided to give this lady I met a try.  Long story short we went with the lady and her partner since they seemed more "willing" to get us the price Hubby was hoping for.  We got our price, and it sold within a week, one open house only, a few offers so that was nice.

We moved out July 14th to the house we were supposed to have July 1st.  The previous owners were so disorganized, it was unreal! I had thought I would be washing (walls, floors, kitchen) from the 1st to 14th, but we only got the house keys on July 10th!  They were moving out while our new appliances were being delivered!  They left the house in sad shape.  So fucking dirty... I was regretting our move, honestly.  I'm not afraid to work, hard, but I felt discouraged.  This is our first "pre-owned" house. All previous houses were bought on plan, while they were being built, so we always "personalized" stuff along the way, and made it ours.  When we moved in previous houses we had to clean from the construction not from savages who left so many dings in the walls and floor. Hubby left skin from both his knees from cleaning the baseboards, that's how bad it was.  We knew there were a few things we didn't like and would adjust, but once we were in, it turned out to be a different feel...  Neither one of us said anything about how we truly felt at first, but at some point we both came to the conclusion that if we were to stay here we needed to address certain issues right away.

The day we got the call for the real estate agent, I had contacted a friend, who is a house painter, and booked him for two weeks late August.  Good thing I did that.  The paint helped a lot to alleviate the feelings I was having towards the house.  The worst part was, for me,  at that point, the main bathroom:

It changed the feel whole of it, not only the look.  It was still on my "shit list" and would need to be redone, but I least it wasn't as depressing.  Hubby's main concern item on his "shit list" was the kitchen...  I wanted the closets to be redone, to be organized and practical.  We started looking at different organizing companies, draw some ideas.  Skip forward a few weeks, we decided to bite the bullet and have the kitchen redone, the bathroom, my office, and all the closets...👀  Yeah!  We are like that, all or nothing.

The demolition is starting this Monday (finally!), so I've been re-packing boxes, and running out of space as to where to put them...

Like Hubby often says: We have way too much shit for two people!! Today I was emptying the kitchen, all cabinets and pantry.  We have stuff everywhere:  the bathroom stuff is in Hubby's office, as well as lots of my office stuff.  The kitchen's boxes are stacked in the dinning area... our closet barfed out in our bedroom and Hubby's office closet.  I need to empty one more closet, which I will "store" its content in the garage, and tomorrow after running the dishwasher one last time, I will stow away our dishes for a good month.  It will be like camping, washing dishes (if we don't go for plastic!) in the garage sink and cook on the BBQ as much as possible... a fun month ahead!

Stay tune for the Reno Updates!
TTFN

To See Past What It Looks Like

 It's been a long while since I last wrote here... Life has been keeping me busy, between my FIL drama (house sale, court case and him in general), every day life that just can't be smooth sailing all the way, and this damn Covid pandemic and covidiots are not really getting (any) better... life is taking its tole on me, I guess...  I did manage to spend some quality time with my mother.  Drove 1,300 km with her, helped her reconcile with one of her brothers, even did so ourselves to a certain extend.  There is something to be said to being locked up in a card for six plus hours at the time... we had time to talk, let's say!  I feel (more) at peace with her, and that's a good thing.  

Also celebrated a wedding anniversary (our 21st!) by taking a little road trip to Québec City with Hubby and staying there three nights.  We stayed right in Old Québec, great location, parked the car once and walked around the rest of the time.  We happened to be there along with a friggin' heat wave and oh so humid!  Neither one of us could remember sweating this much without ANY training involved, it was hot! Because of the pandemic, every stores and restaurants were short staff, and it showed.  It was our first time out really in almost two years, especially to restaurants.  The hotel where we stayed, Le Priori, was nice, but I must say that for the price (over $300/night, with breakfast) I was somewhat disappointed. 

The room was nice, and we both enjoyed it, but given its shape, a long room, the wall mounted AC unit wasn't enough so there was another (floor) unit at the other end of the room, which turned out to be by the headboard of the bed.  That thing had a compressor, a loud compressor, that woke me almost every fucking time it turned on.  The first night was the worst, I would jump in bed.  The other nights, I guess that all my walking around in the heat made me more tired and I would still wake up but not jumped as much.  The real disappointing thing was the breakfast.  We got a cardboard box delivered to our room, containing a yogurt, a hard boiled egg, a piece of cheese, an apple, a little bread and three bite size pastries, with a tea or coffee.  For three days in a row.  Because of Covid? Really?  Almost all restaurants around there were opened, so why couldn't they serve breakfast, have it catered or something, rather than these airplane meals lookalike? Oh, and we had no maid services.  We would have to put our towels in a bag by the door and someone would pick it up and return it with fresh ones.  We made our own bed, and took out our dirty dishes.  I understand the Covid issues, but then if they can't offer the services they charge us for they should review their prices accordingly.  The location was great, but NOT worth the price we paid for what we got.  Still happy I went, it was a nice change of scenery and I must say, to my surprise, I enjoyed Québec City.

Health wise, it's been interesting.  Had a tooth ache a while back, saw my dentist (in April) and she referred me to an endodontist, which I managed to see in July!  Talk about emergency! Anyway...  After special xrays, I was told I had an infection at the root of a tooth which had a root canal years ago and a crown.  He said he would have to redo the root canal but didn't have to remove my crown, he could go through it.  My appointment was scheduled for end of August.  It wasn't a pleasant treatment, at one point he pushed hard and actually poke at my sinus.  Not pleasant at all.  But what was worst was after... man oh man, did it hurt.  I was on antibiotics and pain killers for over a week.  When that started to feel better, I started having issues with an UTI.  Another round of antibiotics, but that worked fast, thank God!  Over a week ago I went back to the endodontist for him to finish off the treatment, close up everything.  I was still feeling something so he decided to be cautious and re-cleaned it all and would see me in a few more weeks, just to be sure.  I was to be expecting some discomfort, but was I in for a treat!  Worst pain ever! More painkillers and as of three days ago back on another antibiotics, this one Cortisone based.  Happy to write that it seems to be doing the trick.  No more pain!  It is unbelievable how toothache hurts and affects everything from mood, patience, and everything else.  I'm a little concerned how it will actually be post the next (and final, hopefully!) treatment. I guess time will tell...

Yesterday I watch a movie/documentary called: In and Of Itself with/by Derek DelGaudio.

Wow!  I laughed, I cried and I will watch it again.  Do yourself a favor, take an hour and a half, and watch it. 

Maybe I'm going through an existentialist moment, but this illusionist touched me...  Or maybe it is because it touched something in me that rings so true, like that I'm not only what you see, but also many other things that you will never see...  Trust me, watch it, you won't regret it.

I'm confused... in more ways that one!

I'll give you a moment to read this:  

When I read this my first reaction was: OK so I must not love that much...  I know I can show very little compassion at times, or is that empathy?  Let me see what the web says:

com·pas·sion

/kəmˈpaSHən/

Learn to pronounce

noun

sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

"the victims should be treated with compassion"

em·pa·thy

/ˈempəTHē/

Learn to pronounce

noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related. While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help.

Ok so I don't have much of neither of those, at times.  I say at times, because there are times when I will do lots to help others, but not necessarily do I understand or share their feelings.

When I think back to situations/conversations with my FIL lately, it's not pretty.  He tries my patience in many different ways.  I tried to be nice, to explain, to pamper, to explain again, to help, to do for him.  I see that my efforts are kind of expected and that doesn't sit well with me.  I made a conscious decision years ago not to have a child; it is a responsibility for life that I didn't want, and I didn't want to love someone that much.  I didn't know (or even trust) if I could show/have that "unconditional" love.  I guess deep down I knew already that blood isn't thicker than water...  Giving birth (or sperm) to someone doesn't make it so that you will love or even like that person.   It's not that automagic...  I don't think it is, anyway.

At times, I see people who are such a close-knit family and think is it because they love each other or because they have something in common?  Why are we that different from the animals, is it because we lost our instinct? Is it because we can think? (not that many people do, really, but hey, that is what science say).  I would have to look into this, but do animals take care of their parents?  I don't think so...  The parents let their kids go fairly early on, and are they worst off for it?  I don't think so.  We, as human, do everything for our kids, and some parents do a shit load for their kids.  Are we better off for it?  I don't think so neither...

I think the one big thing that differs between humans parents and animal ones, is the guilt aspect.  Do animals play the guilt card on their young ones?  I don't know, but I do know that humans do, on many levels and for whatever reason.

Are we showing affection, love, care, compassion, empathy because we can think or because we care to do so?  Are any of those feelings part of us as people, or we learn them, pick them up along the way?

What do you think?

Yup it could happen, and snap!!

 Just finished watching ''Hunhinged" with Russell Crowe, the blurb of the movie is:   After a confrontation with an unstable man at an intersection, a woman becomes the target of his rage.

O.M.F.G. what a lunatic!  The story/acting isn't that great, but the violence and stunt work were quite creative and surprising!  Road rage at the max.  There was one scene, where a woman was driving while applying mascara in traffic, and I turned to Hubby and said:  She deserved to be hit (by a car), and man oh man, did he ram into her car.  It was satisfying to see, because I did (and most likely will again, I'm pretty sure) have thoughts and even visions of ramming our old Civic into a moron  who cut me off or pulled a bone headed move on the road. 

I've been feeling crap, yes the time of year plays into it, the lack of sun, the confinement, name it, and add it to the list.  We are all tired of it all.  I get that.  At times I feel like I could become unhinged too, maybe not to the level of Crowe in the movie, but then again, we he says she should have given him a little courtesy tap (on the horn) rather than hitting it aggressively the way she did, because he wasn't moving from the green light, I got that.  I understood what he meant.  I find that people are driving more and more aggressively, and so much faster than a few years ago.  People are often distracted because of their damn cell phones, or shaving while driving, or putting on make up, or turning to look at the back seat passengers... all those things which take away from they attention being on the road, where it really should be.  I've had a few accidents from people who hit me, while I was stop at a red light on more than one occasions.  Once it was an old man who never slowed down on a boulevard and ram into my car without hitting the breaks.  He didn't have a license anymore and yet, he drove and totaled my car, and as of result of that impact, my uterus flipped.  Another time, some guy hit me, while I was also stopped at a red light, and also totaled my car - he was distracted because he was planning his upcoming vacation on his phone.  Once a little Chinese man ran a red light and hit me as I crossed a street, because he was distracted looking for an address... 

Whatever the reasons, each time, my trust in other drivers diminished and now I wish I had a roobar on our car, so I would feel "protected" somewhat...  

We are more aggressive, less tolerant, and ridiculously feeling entitled, so that make us all a lethal combination when behind the wheel of a car.

I already have any fuse left in me; between my hormones being all over the board, the menopause not giving me any break, the lack of sleep and throw in, for shits and giggles, the family issues and you get me naturally pissed off. Put me behind the wheel of a card, and who knows I might happen to anyone...

It does scare me (Yeah, I scare myself!) at times, when I see how little I need to fuel my fire, to go from zero to 60 in no time flat, but also I see that (for now) I lose my shit verbally. I will raise my voice, talk loud, but (I don't think I do) I don't scream as such.  I talk loud, say things that don't come out nicely nor calmly, and yes I do fucking swear.  Once I've said what I had to get off my chest, I go back to "normal" (whatever that may be).  I've tried (and still do at times, to control that anger often simmering on the back burner.  I feel like I've have enough of people's bullshit and entitlement.  The pendulum is going back too far on the other side.  Telling someone that they are doing or did something wrong is almost impossible these days.  When you do you are called a bully or controlling.  We can't say anything without offending someone.  And don't get me started on the bleeding hearts.  I've have an exchanged (via messenger) last week, with someone who thought it wasn't nice of me to vent about the fact that I've received a piece of Chinese Calligraphy paper rather than a postcard through Postcrossing.  I thanked the sender, mentioned the nice stamp, and also reminded him politely about what was Postcrossing, as indicated on the site:

The goal of this project is to allow anyone to send and receive postcards from all over the world!

I knew that by mentioning my disappointment about the piece of paper that some would comment. I was told I should show more appreciation to the fact that they made an effort to send me something, that maybe they couldn't afford a card, that maybe that was all they add.  My knee jerk reaction was to ask, then, why would someone, voluntarily signed up for Postcrossing to send postcards if they can't afford it?  Why would someone send a piece of paper rather than a postcard?  They couldn't afford one, then they shouldn't send anything.  I know I'm black or white, but if I sign up to play hockey and show up with a broom rather than a stick chances are the other players will not want me to play or to play with them.  Should we feel appreciative that the player tried and showed up with a broom, when they clearly know from the start that they signed up for hockey?  I want postcards, don't care the sizes, the shapes nor the material used for it, but not a piece of paper.  Call me intransigent, cold, name it, I don't care I signed up for Postcrossing wanting to send and receive postcards, and damnit when I don't get that, I will get upset!

Speaking of postcards, Saturday I hosted a virtual Postcrossing meetup and we were, at the peak, 45 participants from all over, including Canadians (23), Belgium, Germany, France, Italy, Netherlands, Norway, Philippines, US, Ireland, UK, Sweden.  Some I've met in real life, pre-covid, and some online and some were totally new.  It lasted five hours, and actually ran quite smoothly overall.  I was concerned how it would be to manage such a large group, but it went well considering everything!  That was a really good way to spend a Saturday afternoon catching up with others sharing the same interests.  It was my first virtual meet international, and will not be the last one I think.

This week will be an "interesting" week to say the least, lots going on with the Father in Law... should be interesting and hoping for the best.

Until things settle down for him all around, we have to manage.  So stay safe and watch out for the covidiots, they're everywhere and they are many of them!!

Falling out of...

 ... friendship - that's like falling out of love, but with friends.  That happens too. 

The past few weeks, I've been having dreams about people I chose not to have in my life anymore.  At some point, in the past, I made this very conscious decision to not have these specific people around.  I have given them enough, may it be physically, monetary, energy or just time. I decided it was enough.  With some people it sorts of happened or happens naturally... we just drift apart.  One day you realize that you haven't seen then in a long while and you're ok with it.  And this is pre-Covid, when we still had the option to see and fraternize with people. You don't really miss them, nor think of them often.  Others, well, for me it was harder, since they had been part of my life for a long while, they had an important role in it, I thought of them as friends, and (for me) that is something.  But I clearly remember walking away.  No explanation were giving, nor asked for, it just happened and that was that.  

Like for any breakup, common friends will feel they have to choose a side.  Some do and they will ask what happened, etc.  Some will try to reconcile, try to mediate, when really there is nothing to mend...

It is not even a question of pride, ego or being stubborn.  I just reached my max of what I would tolerate, do and accept, and decided that was it.  

It did cost me. Lots.  I gave up on something that had been part of my daily activities for over twenty plus years.  Granted my body was needing a break from the abuse I was giving it, but like everything I tend to do in life, I went from black to white, from zero to sixty, when I decided it was over, I stop everything.

Having dreams about these people, where I'm interacting with them, and seeing them, churned things in me.  It disturbed me.  The situations in the dreams were strange, unreal, and yet, I felt wary, I even woke up feeling on edge, alert.  Thinking about it, I'm realizing that it is not like I stopped caring what happened to them even if I chose to remove myself from their environment.  I don't wish them harm.  I won't go visit them at the hospital but I'll pay my respect when the day come.

I'm wondering why I'm dreaming of them, what part of my brain triggered this?  Am I missing them, or is it because we've been confined for so long that I'm reminiscing? Whatever the reason is, it was strange to dream of them...  I'm also realizing that I don't want them back into my life, so that's good!

Today I had a strange experience with a neighbor's dog.  This lady was walking her dog, a BIG Bernese Bouvier, across the street.  As I was working on our evergreen, removing its winter covering, I felt like I was being stared.  I turned around to see this big beast sitting on the sidewalk, across the street, just starting at me.  The lady was pulling on his leash, but the dog wasn't moving.  He just sat there and stared.  I wave at him, and he got all excited.  The lady was having a hard time holding him back.  He wouldn't keep on walking, just sat there and would stare. 

It lasted a good five minutes or more.  I had time to uncover all four trees, go up to get a bag and bagged everything and the dog was still there, staring at me.  The lady then asked me if I was afraid of dogs.  Told her no, and asked if I could go see her dog.  As I crossed the street the dog got so excited, jumping up and down, pulling on his leash, and at over 130 lbs the lady was struggling.  When I got to him, he was whimpering, tale going 100 km/hour, and trying to jump on me.  He was presenting me his paws, pushing me with its head.  Boris was quite happy to meet me it seemed.  I ended up petting him, scratching him and getting gobs of drool over my pants.  The lady looked embarrassed and told me he never did that before...  If one believes in signs - and I do! - was this a sign that I should be getting that pooch?

One can help and wonder!  One thing for sure, no matter how sweet that big beast was, no way am I even thinking of a big dog.  I want a little one, like a Yorkie or Maltese... some pooch who won't shed too much or not at all!  I have to work on the Husband as I showed him some pictures of these little pooches, and he wasn't interested...  He says he's starting to warm up to the idea of a cat. Of course!  

Pondering

 I've been brewing for a while, and I'm not referring to a bowel movement type thing, but more in a thinking kind of way about this post.  When I think, often it's in English, and other times it's in French... so this post will (most likely) reflect that. 

I came about a little video on Bacefook posted by a friend, which showed a march that was done in town (Montréal) to protest the confinement and curfew we've been under due to Covid.  To see this crowd of Covidiots, screaming and chanting "Liberty" and walking around by signs offering free hugs, and actually seeing them going up to strangers and hugging them, made me wonder if we have a chance... Watching the walkers in town, united for a cause, to not let the governments take over their lives, I can't help and wonder, WTF? It was a nice day for a stroll in town.  I wonder if they would have been as many if it was raining and cold?  The cops were present giving tickets to some for not respecting the social distancing rules and not wearing masks, but overall it seemed like a peaceful march.  They were Canadians after all.
The host of the little video, called upon everyone watching to join their movement and to stop our governments (both provincial and federal) from keeping us prisoners.  Prisoners, really?  I'm sure many people in actual prison would love to be home rather than where they are.

Yes the pandemic is getting to me, it is affecting me, I know that.  I also know, as kindly pointed out by the Husband, that this time of year is always rough for me.  I'm tired of having to wear a mask, to not hear properly when talked to (because of the darn mask or partition), to not be able to go to a restaurant and have a bite to eat with a friend, to just go to a mall for a stroll, all that is affecting me, but also I'm aware of the fact that there is something making people sick out there, and it is (might be) better for all to refrain from getting together too much. People died (are dying) because of this, so why not try to put the odds on our side, and try to avoid it... just 'saying. 

Earlier Hubby and I watched the new Disney movie "Raya and the Last Dragon" - I liked it.  The animation is really good, and the story is a Disney one, so...  The Druun are a threat humanity must fight to survive.  Fight as a united front, imagine that. Anyway...

I've been itching to get a fur ball... It will be eight years in June (the 21st) that we buried Tobi.  We often talk about him still, and remember things he did, etc.  A coworker of the Husband got himself a big Main Coon, a real cutie, but that much fur is a real turn-off.   I don't want a hairless cat neither; they are said to be really affectionate, but I think they only tolerate people near them to warm them up!  Anyway, between the two of us we shed a lot already.  Last week, since it was a gorgeous and warm week, I went on a walk with a friend, and again it triggered that thought that having a pooch would force me to go out for its daily walks.  The Husband thinks its ridiculous that I need a pooch to do that, and yet, I know myself, that little incentive would get me out of the house.  When we had Cathy, I went out daily with her for the short time we had her with us - from April to November 2006 - it did me good on many levels.  I want that feeling back, that unconditional love only a pet can provide.  I guess I'll have to start working on the Husband.  I was willing to wait for the next house, but the way things are going who knows when that will be, so... 

Yeah, we've been talking about moving again.  Condo life really isn't for us.  The market is red hot for sellers, but for buyers, yikes!  We've looked around some.  Even did some drives to look at different areas, cities.  We were thinking a cottage not far from the train, since the Husband still goes to town.  We did a tour of one house, in St-Jérôme (the end of the line for the train). I fell in love with the house, new construction.  The light in there was gorgeous, and there was nothing that bothered neither one of us about the place.  That is, except the price!  We'd have to buy the land and build the house... and in doing so, we would increase our mortgage, which is not our plan, since we would be moving further from the city to spend (hopefully!) a little less and reduce said mortgage.  When I talked with the Sales Rep and she did some calculation, etc. and told me the price, I was a little speechless...  like 250K over our "budget" - not in our price range at all.  I kept looking, and let's just say it wasn't that inspiring. We don't do renovation, so it has to be new, or a complete strip down and rebuilt.  We're not there, mentally, so...

For now, we will concentrate our efforts on getting the FIL damn house sold, get all his shit organized and then I'll get myself a dog, and then maybe at some point, life will return to some kind of normalcy.

One can hope, right? Right!  Glad you agree with me!  Until then, stay safe!

Happy New Fucking Year!

 Yep! I wrote that!  Same shit different digit, that is it!  I'm not pretending to be positive and to believe that everyone is nice and kind, that is bullshit.  People are fucking stupid and we are proving this daily.  You don't believe me?  Just watch the news for 15 minutes, you'll see.  

Many people were all : it's a new year, things will get better!  Come on, all that changed was the 0 for a 1, that is all.  Our shitty behaviors and stupidity did not vanish because the zero became a one.  We don't want to put in the effort it takes to change, to address our issues, to face the truth, so we play the positive people, who believe in rainbows and unicorns and hope for the best.  The pandemic is here, it's a fact, and (I believe) it will be here as long as we keep acting like the selfish people we are.  After almost a year of this being "our normal" why is it that we still have to remind people to wash their hands, to wear a mask and keep a social distance?  Are we that dense?  Really?  Obviously.  It is sad really.  But then, why would someone try hard to respect all that when our, yes OUR government paid them $1,000 in compensation after they've travelled down South during a pandemic?  It was ridiculous and Trudeau did amend that stupid decision.   What I still can get over is why oh why are we still allowed to travel.  If it is that dangerous and that easy to spread, why are we not confining and restricting movements of the population?  We've had a curfew established last week, in Québec, woohoo, it was about fucking time!

Everyone bitches and complains about all this, and even if it could be/is a conspiracy, manmade or natural, who gives a fuck, it's real and people are sick.  That should be enough to convince us all to be careful.  We are so selfish that we just have to get together, to celebrate, because "it was Christmas".  I love Christmas, I love to get together with friends and all that, but I haven't really done so in a long while.  I've been using Messenger, Zoom, Google, etc. to catch up with some people.  I've managed to teach my mother to use Facebook and video chat, since she wanted to see me so bad.  She was sad that I didn't visit her during the Holidays - last time I saw her was in June - she was sad that her Christmas gift was mail delivered.  She was sad that she didn't get to feed me and give me the goodies she had prepared for us.  I rather stay home and away that teasing myself at a distance, with a mask on, not able to give a hug, etc.  Yes, I am that way: all or nothing.  These half-ass measures we've been playing with for the past ten months are just that, a little tease.  I rather be told no than maybe and not know if it will happen or not.  With a firm no (or yes), I know where I stand and can deal.  I can decide what to do knowing what I can and cannot do.

Ok I think I got my venting out of the way. For now. Hubby's dad is now settled in his new apartment.  It was a lot of work, but it is done.  The rest of his life is still a big mess, and we're addressing that as we go.  Not always easy, lots to deal with and at times quite frustrating, especially in a pandemic situation, it just adds to the fun of it all!  Not!

My mom is doing well, considering her beau is basically sitting at home and waiting for death to come.  Sad situation, he was diagnosed with cancer and was told they couldn't operate nor treat.  They could give him meds to alleviate the pain.  So, for the past few months, he's been stone and/or sleeping.  On New Year's day my mom asked me to talk to him while we were video chatting... what do you say to someone who's waiting to die?  Hang in there, it will be over soon?  I can only wish him that.  Let's just say it was a short little chat.  But mom is hanging in, after all this will be her third man she will burry!

 Hubby is super busy, too busy it seems at times.  But he said, last week he actually had fun (learning!) so that's good.  If ever I had any doubt (which I never did!) that my husband is a true geek, hearing him talk about what he does, proves it to me, almost daily. 

He is not only wired to be a geek, he's like the Sheldon of my life, really!  At times it can be interesting, for lack of a better word, but one thing for sure it not boring!

On that note, I will close this post, hoping I did not offend you more than usual with my foul language and direct approach on life.  Life is short, stop bitching about what you can't do and address the things you can.  

It might be time...

 It's been a while since my last post, and even if I've often felt the need to write, I decided against it for various reasons like I didn't want to aggravate a situation, didn't want to share what I was really feeling, didn't know how to word it all, but today feels like it is the day for me to empty my thought bucket... it might be due to the fact that last night Hubbly and I had a good conversation, or the fact that it is a dreary day, or simply because deep down I am fed up of putting up with people's bullshit on a personal and professional level.  

According to Hubbly I put myself in situations where I will get criticized, and will be an easy target - he's right. (Shit!  Did I just admit this on the web for the world to see?  Oh well, shit does happen, right?) I do tend to join things like the condo committee or even better, me creating this Bacefook group for this postcards hobby of mine.  In doing so, I have to deal with people, many people.  And, I don't feel like it is my strong suit to deal with people.  I'm not anti-social I just have a VERY low tolerance to stupidity.  And having to deal with people it triggers that side of me a lot.  There comes a time when one has to ask themselves, is it time to call it quits, to walk away from it all?  

I think I'm reaching that point.  I've tried to be detached, to not take things personally, but after six years of managing a growing group (over 400 members), it is taxing on my mental, add to that this freaking pandemic and life throwing us some curve balls, and I see that little open door to leave as an invite, almost... 

The control freak in me doesn't want to let go, doesn't want to relinquish control, I see that clearly.  It was/is my baby, and I've put many, many hours into it for it to be an organized group.  I was told it was too structured, and yet I know that many like that aspect.  I know I can't please everyone, and somewhere I'm not trying to too much.  I try to make it easy for all and for me as well, and organization just comes naturally.  The idea of closing shop has been simmering for a while now, because having to deal with the drama and childish ways of many and their sense of entitlement and even many Dunning-Kruger Effect makes it all a heavy load to support. 

Plus to add to it all, we have to deal with Hubby's father situation.  The old man, he's 84, found himself in a real big mess from which we are working hard to get him out of.  All of his life he's had someone taking care of him (from his siblings, to his wife, to his girlfriend and now us) because on his own he is completely useless.  It is sad, really.  Yes he is old, but being old doesn't excuse being stupid and making bad decisions. Repeatedly. No, being old excuses him only so far.  I've had to use a lot of patience in my dealings with him, patience which is already running on low supplies.  Yesterday I had to spent part of the day dealing with the Airbnb host from whom we've rented an apartment for the past nine weeks, who wanted to basically kick my father-in-law out because he had not received the payment for the two weeks extension we had asked for in November. We had originally booked the apartment until November 30th, but because FIL's new place was to be ready in December, we asked the host to extend for the first two weeks of December, which he accepted.  I sent him a partial payment on November 19th to confirm the extension and didn't hear anything back until yesterday.  He sent me an email simply saying "I've received a reservation from Dec. 2nd to January 11th, and can't extent your stay.  Your reservation ends Nov. 30th."  I was surprised and wrote him back, asking for an explanation, etc.  It went on for over four hours, with me sending him proof after proof of the payments (made through PayPal/Visa), etc. for him to say that he never got any email from PayPal and that he couldn't access his account at the moment.  Let's just say, it is fixed for now, but man oh man, Airbnb might not be for me!

So, maybe it is the time of year, the cumulative of this past shitty year or whatever, but I really feel like I need a vacation, far away, where it will be sunny and warm and where nobody expect anything from me.  Having to deal with morons asking where they should put their garbage while standing in a garbage room is just too much for me.  I don't want to be patient anymore, or even try to be nice, I just feel like looking at them and say: 

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”
—Mother Teresa