One sure thing about getting old...er is the fact that we (should) learn to detach ourselves. We learn to let go and to not care oh so much. If not, than it should be our goal so that our remaining days are pleasant and drama free. I don't know if it is because Hubby told me many (many!) times over that it's ok for me to let go, or if it is one of the benefit of meditation or simply because I am learning, but I'm trying hard to detach myself, to not care, to relinquish control of things (and/or people) I can not control. I fully understand that we can't please everyone and that not everyone will like us. I accept that. What I (still!) don't get is how, grown adults will spread lies about others, how they will act like teens in high school and rally against someone rather than verify (for themselves) what a situation really is about.
I will not lie, it does bother me when I hear someone doesn't like me. I want people to like me (Sue me, I haven't reached that step of detachment yet!), or at least to not dislike me for the wrong reasons. To hear from someone who visits with me that she was asked how I really was IRL, disturbed me somewhat. I know we're not all alike, since I would do a perception check with the person I feel something is going on, I would verify with them directly rather than ask a third party. Yes, that is me. Yes, that is the confrontational me. If I have a problem with the clerk at the grocery store, I will tell her. I won't be going to another clerk. I will go to the source. Not everyone is like that, granted. I'm asking you this: Isn't it easier to go directly at the source and get a straight answer rather than go to a third party who will give you their impression?
A few weeks ago, I was accused of bullying after calling out members of a group to participate directly. This person asked me to stop putting her name up, she would not participate and no amount of bullying from me would change that. I was quite surprise by her answer, and asked her why she just couldn't tell me that she'd rather not participate instead of accusing me of bullying. Her answer was that she thought I was a bully and found I pushed people and that she usually tried to stay out of my way. To which I only answered thank you. To my surprise, she came back with an apology stating usually she doesn't say mean things to people, that I've always rubbed her the wrong way. After that I did not answer anything back. Not really worth it, now was it? That episode did upset me. It made me rethink my behavior and how it could (maybe) be construed as bullying. I only wanted more active members to participate in this project, not bully them. It also made me see that no matter how you try, if someone has decided they dislike you no matter what you do or try to do they will not like you. It is ok. Again, we can't please everyone, nor should we try I say. We should do our best and hope we don't rub people the wrong way too much.
In our condo association I know I've rubbed some the wrong way, because I'm the one applying our by-laws. Some people will (do) dislike me and others will (do) like what I do. In managing a Bacefook group I've had people say they were leaving because of me (being a mean moderator) and others that they enjoyed how well the group was managed. Isn't funny how all our lives we try to better ourselves to become a better version of who we are, and when we are that person, we only need one person to criticize or dislike us to try to become a version they would like... how fucked up is that, really? I like who I am (most of time), granted I could have a longer fuse, I could be more gentle in my communicative ways, I could keep certain things to myself, and I could be a little less outspoken, and not swear as much, but then again that wouldn't be the real me, would it?
I know my flaws, and like I wrote before, some I've worked on others well, I don't give a fuck. Really. I am Stinkypaw, and if you don't like me, well... if we're "friends" on Bacefook and you don't like what you see or what I say, there are three little dots next to my name and if you click on those the option to delete post and remove user will be offered to you, click on it, and your (and mine, most likely) problem will be resolve. It is that simple, really. If you're a member in a group I manage, the first box on the left, under the group's banner says "Joined", if you click on it, it will offer you the option to leave the group, voilà, another problem solved. It can be that easy. It's not complicated and I won't even know it until the day I might want to contact you and realize you're no longer a member. I will get over it. Trust me. I will. As Deepak Chopra said: No matter what the situation, remind yourself "I have a choice."
I choose, on this full day completed in my fifty-first year, to let go of many things, and to be happy with who I am. It's ok not to be liked, because despite those haters I do have great people in my life who do like me just the way I am with my lack of fuse, bluntness, raw words, etc. They know me, and take me as I am. To those, and to all of those nice people who took the time to wish me happy birthday by Messenger, by posting their wishes on my wall, by calling me and even to come see me, I say a BIG heartfelt thank you. Thank you for your friendship and your kind words.
and with this I wish you good night!
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