That shitty time of year again...

Since I have a tendonitis in my right shoulder, and pain is actually a daily occurrence,  I've been feeling crappy and crabby to say the least.  I've seen my osteo, which helps for a few days after treatment but the pain never truly goes away.  Last visit I had with her, she suggested to see an acupuncturist for pain management, so I contacted the little man I know.  I've seen him twice in the last two weeks, the first treatment really helped my arm's mobility, and yesterday's treatment was so painful it messed me up bad.  Today it does feel better, but I just can't wait for pain to be gone!!

To add to my shitty feelings, the weather has been crap - so fucking cold, my face looks like a shedding lizard, and this time of year is ALWAYS crap for me,  S.A.D. kicks in full blown.  Despite my "happy light" and "happy pills", there's always rougher days than others. So, when adding physical pain to it all, it's bad...

Good thing is I'm busy, between work and my postcards, I don't have time to get bored.  Between the official cards and some random act of smileness I basically get  cards on a daily base.  I love it.  Today I actually received an envelop from Gyor in Hungary from a man who lives there.  Turns out he had sent a request to join a (closed) group I manage on Bacefook for Canadian Postcrossing users, and when I saw that he was from Gyor, HU - which is the village my mother in law was from, I sent him a message asking him if he wanted to swap with me (since I wouldn't let him in the group).  We exchanged a few messages, I've sent him a card from here - which he liked and today I've received these cuties:

Baroque city of Gyor, HU

Budapest, HU

Seeing this reminds me that we WILL have to see Hungary before we're too old to travel!  Last time Hubby was there was in 1991, and I've never been, so we'll have to get our ducks in a row and go!

Today, I was informed that a member of our group (in Postcrossing Canada) is quitting.  I respect her decision, but I'm sad to see her go as she was one of the good and fun ones.   Do you ever have this feeling that things are crumbling around you, slowly?  Ever feel like the you're losing some good friends because they're moving or even worst they died? Or simply losing touch with someone you thought was closer than they actually were, since the tie broke (easily) since they had kids, or met someone new?  I hate seeing this and even more feeling it.  I know it's life, I've been around and seen it many times, doesn't mean I have to like it now, does it?

Taking a chance on our odds, or feeling lucky?

How strange it is to think people, even being miles apart, will feel and experience certain things the same way as if they were close. At some point we all have to face the fact we are not immortal. We all know this, but most of us don’t really accept it, nor do we prepare for it.

My meditation teacher often says we are here to prepare our death, and we should use our time here to do so. Most people react to this statement. I tend to agree with him, on this one. Some people believe in some type of after life, some in reincarnation, some in paradise, some in nothing, but no matter what our beliefs are, we will die. Our heart will stop to beat, our brain waves as well. We will physically die. Where and if we go somewhere else after is in a way irrelevant. We should make the best of the time we have now.

While talking with Hubby’s uncle over the weekend I said, for one, I tried to live each day to the fullest, almost as if it was my last. I don’t think of this every moment, but I do often; what if this was the last time I do …. I guess I’ve learned, watching my parents, who used to kiss before one would leave, to the point it would make me gag at times (especially as a teen), to never leave home without kissing my husband. If something was to happen to one of us, our last thought of our last moment together would be that kiss. Morbid? Maybe.

I try to live my life without having too many regrets. I do my best, and try not to hurt people. I don’t want to be on my deathbed thinking of all the things I should have done or said. I want to go in peace…

Hubby’s uncle talked about a relative who was recently placed in an “old folks home” and how it hit him hard while he was visiting this old man, how almost everyone in there was just sitting there awaiting death, staring blindly at the wall, empty of desires, dreams or simply life. We spend time planning for our vacations, our time off, and some of us even plan the time they will retire. We put money aside, and hope to be able to be comfortable and do those things we never had the time to do. What makes us think we will have the time or the energy or even the will to do them then? Why is it most of us don’t prepare ourselves to the eventuality that death is coming? Why do we hold on to grudges, or simply stop talking to so and so, because of something they did or didn’t do on such occasion? Why do we do this?

Before my mother-in-law passed I remember telling her she should make peace with people she loved before she died, and this even if she had one month or six or even a year ahead of her, just make peace so that she could go in peace. She did with me, and I’m very thankful for that. I wanted peace between us, and I’m happy we became friends before she did pass. Not everybody has this chance, so why not put the odds in our favour and act as if we were close to the end?

This is one thing I think we should not procrastinate too much about… Call it experience, life lesson, or what ever, one thing I do know, with or without another chance at this, I’m living my life the way I intend and I’d say it’s pretty full, even if there are days when I feel and act like a beached whale just waiting for something… something bigger than me who can actually move me in some way…

I'm being molded!

Last week a friend sent me an email, which started like this:

“God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.”

I don’t know if it’s God who gave me these people, but whatever/whomever it is has been generous! Last weekend we watch “Resident Evil – The Extinction” and couldn’t help to think that I was just like the main character; I’m surrounded by them, idiots, instead of zombies! It’s scary at times when I stop and think about it. Why? The most dangerous ones are the ones closest to me.

As you know the Holidays bring out the “best” in people. This year, for the first time I feel strange when thinking about Christmas. It will be my mother’s first Christmas alone and it will be our first Christmas with the new woman in the FIL’s life. My mother I can handle, but the other one… FIL has been dating her since the beginning of the year, and we haven’t met her yet. Imagine my surprise when Hubby asked if we had any plans for the 25th (he only asked because I’m “the social coordinator” as he calls me), because we were invited for dinner with her son and wife. My first reaction was “Hell no!” I’m asking you, dear blends, am I wrong here in not wanting to be introduced to this woman (who has quite a hold on the dumb man) on Christmas day with her son and wife? It just feels strange and way too much at once. FIL doesn’t seem to understand why we would like to meet her before, through a dinner just the four of us.

We saw him briefly on Saturday, at his house, which is under complete renovation and anything that had MIL’s touch has been sold, given away or destroyed. I felt sad looking around the house. I can only imagine how Hubby felt even if guys are different and don’t attach the same importance to these things, but still… It is/was his parents’ house; where he lived for a good 15+ years. Granted the house needed a good cleaning, paint job, etc. but maybe not all at once and so drastically. With me not wanting to partake in the Christmas dinner (and I’m using my mother as an excuse to bail, since I don’t want her to be alone on Christmas day) Hubby feels stuck in the middle. Just like when his mom was around and making our lives miserable. Not good!

Thinking about the quote, I can’t help but think I must be needing some really special help, because I tell you, idiots are all around me! Argh! What to do, what to do??

BUT, there are also some really special people in my life. A few weeks back, Periwinkle had a little "give away" and I won! Yeah me!

Today I received a little package with my prize in it.

Look what I've got! Ain't it puuuurdy?
A beautiful pendant! I just love the way it sparkles.

Thank you so much Periwinkle, you're too much, and that pendant is beautiful! I luuuuuuvv it! Thank you, thank you!!

If you haven't yet, check out her Etsy shop, she has really beautiful items, you'll see. And they're affordable, even for this Canadian. Hee.

I guess it's not all bad, but I still feel there are more idiots than nice people, except around here, of course!

One of those...

We had a good weekend, just the two of us. We didn’t do much, our usual errands, and yesterday walked around the Village and made our way to the Jazz Fest. We sat down for a while in a park where there were hosting a steel drum competition. It felt strange to be sitting, downtown Montreal, with Caribbean music. It felt like we were away somewhere. That is truly one of the things I enjoy most about living here. The City is so alive in the summer, people everywhere and so different, I love it!

Because it was such a warm day, we decided to eat out on our deck. We received our new patio set, so we fired up the BBQ, set up the table, and enjoyed our meal. Unfortunately it got cut short a little because a thunderstorm rolled in. We barely had time to finished and moved in. It was pouring hard. We then decided to finish watching Season One of “Dexter” (loving it by the way). Then we went to bed to be woken up at 6:00am by a power failure. In our house we get things beeping like hell when there’s no power, because Hubby has everything on UPS. It’s not really a pleasant way to wake up. Half-hour later he managed to turn off everything correctly, except for the alarm that kept beeping sporadically, which he eventually killed. Then at about 8:00am his cell phone rang, it was his uncle to inform us that his wife had finally passed away this morning. Forget trying to sleep after all that… I did try, but Tobi wanted to be fed, and reminded me that he doesn’t really do brunch.

Tonight we have a BBQ at a client/friend’s house. Tomorrow we’re off since it will be Canada Day. I’ve received an email from the NaBloPoMo people, saying that the theme for July's daily blogging is FOOD. So, here’s what I’m suggesting, since I know I won’t be writing daily, but for the whole month of July my posts titles will have food in them, want to play along? If so, let me know. It will be different.

On Wednesday morning we will be burying the ashes of Hubby’s mother. And that same night we have tickets for a gala at the Just for Laugh Festival (French version)… talk about a strange day that will be…

To be honest I don’t know how I’m feeling right this moment… and yet I kind of feel numb… weird n’est-ce pas? We REALLY don’t know what the future holds for us, do we? …and that is a good thing, as Martha would say…

Random Thoughts

Did you ever feel like blogging but just don't know what to blog out? That's how I've been feeling today, so since I feel so random I decided to post random as well...

• I'm a TV junky, it's true. I assume it. I wanted to watch "House" so Hubby creatively acquired all episodes from the 1st season on, and we watched them all. So now, we're awaiting September like everybody else who do watch that show. I love House, yep he has an attitude but it sure isn't his problem!
  
  
• My cat is aging... he sleeps a lot more then he used to... but he still follows me around. I love my kitty.
  
  
• Last week I went for a massage and pedicure, at the Delta downtown. It was the BEST massage I've had in a friggin' long time. She was deep enough and just borderline painful, just like I love. I'll be going back for sure.
  
  
• I was curious about "Nip / Tuck"... Hubby did his magic... need I say more? I'm almost done the first season. We're also thinking "Dexter"...
  
  
• I just love cherries! They're expensive, and also addictive. Can't eat just one or two. Nope, not me anyway.
  
  
• Bought myself a new wallet this weekend. Used it for the first time yesterday, I think it was a good purchase.
  
  
• My MIL's ashes will finally be buried. Ten days short from her death's first anniversary.
  
  
• Crap! I just swallowed a cherry pit!
  
  
• Had an interesting email exchange with a client earlier. I informed him that I wasn't a gentleman, but a gentlewoman. He felt embarassed and wrote back that I was "definitively a nice gentlewoman…"
  
  
• Last night during dinner conversation, Hubby confirmed that he wasn't that subtle. He does read my blog, hee. Hello lurking Hubby! ;-)
  
  
• I wish I lived closer to some bloggers. I'd like to meet some of you in person. Maybe one day an occasion will present itself.
  
  
• I asked my meditation teacher about karma, and that comment Mrs. Stone had made... Karma is one complicated thing, and unlike what I thought originally, karma is not only a personal but it can be a family, group or even nation thing... interesting isn't it? One thing I do know, is that karma isn't "immediate".
  
  
• Why is it that people always wait until the last minute to do things, and then complain about being rushed or lack of time? A friend called me yesterday asking if I knew someone who could help her. She needed to do a montage for her best-friend who's turning 50 in two weeks. But she will be leaving on Friday, for two weeks, sailing. It's not like she didn't know she would have to do this for a specific date a while back... I don't get that. If something is important or has meaning to you, why wait until the last minute to figure it out?
  

Random enough for you?

Doing it again!

This year again we will be doing the Canadian Cancer Society “Relay For Life”. This year, though, I’ve decided to be a team captain. Team "Vigilant" is our name!

Last year’s “Relay for Life” was a moving experience, and because cancer is still taking too many lives around us, we feel that we must try to do something to refrain this disease. I know that some feel that no matter what there’s not much money that does go towards research as such, but I do think there is some progress being made. I want to believe that if we all did a little it might amount to something big, just like the “butterfly effect”.

Funds raised through “Relay For Life” do make a difference. They help the Canadian Cancer Society fund, the most promising research projects in the country, provide information services and support programs in the community and advocate for public policies that prevent cancer and help those living with it.

Just this year alone we have lost loved ones to cancer. It has, is, and will touch almost all of us in some ways. Last year we walked in honor of my MIL, this year it will be in her memory. Help us in this fight against cancer and support (sponsor) us.

Also, the Canadian Cancer Society is selling luminaries. They are little candles placed in bags and carry the names of cancer survivors and loved ones lost. In a moving ceremony after sunset, luminaries placed around the track are lit In Honor of cancer survivors and In Memory of those who have lost the battle against cancer.

If you so incline to support me in this fight, simply click here. Every amount do count! Thanks!

It’s beginning to look a lot…

We had our first snow yesterday but it quickly turned into rain. Now everything is white, but it’s more like a freezing rain type of thing, but nonetheless, it is white, thus beginning to look at lot like Christmas! In less than 32 days! Sorry to all the “Grinches” out there, but this crazy Canuck loves Christmas!

Last year, was the first year I didn’t put up our Christmas tree. It didn’t feel like Christmas. I had put out some decorations, but no tree, because I had had surgery and with everything going on I didn’t really feel like it.

This year, again, there is lots going on in the family, but I will be putting up our tree. I just love the way it looks, with its lights, ornaments and everything else. I really do enjoy this time of year.

Last night, on our way home from errands, we drove on Ste-Catherine street and I felt like a kid! I was so excited to see all the trees decorated, the lights. McGill College Avenue, is gorgeous with all its trees of lights. Gorgeous, don’t you think? (and that was taken a few years back!)

I love Christmas and all that is related to Christmas. As I am getting older, not so much the family gathering, since I love to be home with Hubby and our cat, in our pjs, under my love throw and watching a good movie. But we can’t really stay that way; we have family duties and must see the relatives. It’s part of the deal.

On Hubby’s side of the family (on his mother’s to be more precise), we do a gift exchange. I’m almost all done with my shopping, since I shop all year-round. I’m one of “those” people who if I see something that I think you’d enjoy I’ll buy it then. I hate feeling rushed and I’m really not a big fan of crowds. I don’t get all flustered about Christmas shopping because I don’t really shop during that time, unless I really have to. For the past few years, Hubby’s aunt was taking care of assigning the people for the gift exchange. I hadn’t heard anything about it for this year, so I decided to take care of it.

Because of everything going on at the moment, I feel somewhat guilty to be looking forward to Christmas. It might be their last, for some. It won’t be an easy time yet again this year. Last year, we knew it was my MIL’s last. Emotions were running high. Before she died she asked that each of us picked something of hers that we’d like and we will be getting it this Christmas, as a gift from her. It will make for yet another emotional family gathering.

I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I do feel a little awkward being happy and giddy when there’s so much crap going on around me. And yet, I should be cherishing life and all that it has to offer, ‘cause who knows what it has in store, right?

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. There is so much to give thanks for, isn’t it?
___

Image: McGill College Ave.

Anyu (final)

A few years ago, Hubby had to have a hip replacement. On the eve of his surgery he talked with his mother and told her that the day of his surgery (which was the following morning!) he didn’t want ANY visitor but me. That was all. They could come and visit him the following day, but not on the day of his operation. He knew he was going to be out of it, and didn’t want to be social. His mother agreed and asked him to make sure that I would call them as soon as I knew anything.

The morning of the surgery I drove Hubby to the hospital, waited with him until he was rolled off to the O.R. A nurse told me it would be a few long hours and that I should go home. I did. At the approximated time he was supposed to come out of surgery I called the hospital and was told that he was waking up. Everything went well and he would be taken to his room within the hour. I noted his room number, and proceeded to call my in-laws. At that exact moment I felt more nervous than when I saw my husband being taken away for surgery, that’s how bad it was! She answered. I told her the little information I had and as I was wrapping things up, she said: “We’ll drop by later on to see him”. I asked her what she meant exactly, since her son had requested no visitor the first night. She then told me that she knew what he asked, but she was not a visitor, she was his mother. I was so pissed off that she couldn’t respect her son wishes, and told her so. “He will want to see me” was her answer. I was about to tell her off, so I just said: “He asked you, yesterday, not to come on the first night. He asked me to let you know how things went. I did that. Thank you.” and I hung up. I made my way to the hospital, in a snowstorm, fuming! I called a friend to vent and man did she get an earful!

When Hubby was brought to his room later on, he was wide-awake and was managing his pain. At one point he asked if I had called his parents. Told him about my conversation with his mother. He then asked me to call his parents; he wanted to talk to his mother. I dialled the number and watched. It was the first time I heard him give crap to his mother. I didn’t understand everything, because most of it was in Hungarian, but there was no mistake about the tone! His parents came to visit the following night, and she gave me the cold shoulder. That was fine – it was not like I was happy to see her anyway!

There are so many other anecdotes I could write about, she had a way with me that just didn’t work. Last year, she got sick and this is when her attitude towards me started to change. I wrote a few posts about it all. Here’s one.

Last year, at Christmas, we all knew it was going to be her last Christmas together. Her cancer was spreading and one evening while we were visit her we made peace and I wrote this. Some people were actually surprised that I forgave her and moved on. It was pointless to hold on, so I let it go. It's all a question of choices, we choose how we live (and to some extent) and die. I felt sorry for her, for all that time she wasted being angry. She had to face the fact that she was dying, and that wasn't easy.

Despite everything said and done, I'm happy that when she died we were friends, she realised that I was there for her and that in that in spite of our "history" I did love her. I know she died knowing that.

Hubby wrote a beautiful eulogy for her where he was honest. He didn't sugar-coat it in any way. You can read it here.

She touched my life in a very special way, and she also gave me the greatest gift ever; her son. Notwithstanding her crazy behavior towards me, she raised the most wonderful man, and for that I will for ever be grateful to her. Köszönöm szépen, Anyu!

Anyu (part 2)

Hubby never told me exactly what his mother had said about me, but I know that she accused me of being a cult leader among other things. Yes, a cult leader! After all I had brain washed her son into marrying me, through my karate teaching (I was that good an instructor!).

As time went by, things didn’t really get better between us. We would see his parents on family occasions only. One year, at Christmas, I had my hair coloured red, fire truck red (it was Christmas after all!), and while driving to a cousin’s house, I realised that my hair colour would be ammunition for my MIL; yet another thing for her to judge. I told Hubby that I was done trying, and if his mother gave me any attitude I would just ignore her. As soon as I came in, his cousin screamed with excitement at my new hair colour. My MIL was standing by the door and the look she gave me was just what I needed. I wished Merry Christmas to my FIL, skipped my MIL and proceed with the rest of the family. She did not like that. At that exact moment I knew I was “done” playing that game. My FIL asked me to go talk to his wife, to say hi to her. I politely answered that I was done playing nice. I had reached my threshold. He knew what I meant. Meanwhile, Hubby was being “talked to”, in Hungarian, by his mother. From the tone of it all, I could understand that she wasn’t happy.

One Easter, I had bought little chocolate bunnies for everyone and a centrepiece for the table, also made of chocolate. When we arrived, cousin’s wife told me to set up everything, which I did. When my MIL came in and saw the table and the little bunnies, she commented on how nice it was. Cousin’s wife told her it was from me. (She always tried to help mend things between us, but it never worked). MIL answered: “oh well”. During the meal the topic went to bad wedding gifts received. We had a received a really bad platter (with naked people on…) and cousin’s wife couldn’t get over having seen it. When she mentioned it, my MIL said: “It must have been her friends who gave them that!”. The worst part is, she was right! I didn’t answer and went into the kitchen, and started cleaning up. At some point she came in and told me I was being helpful. I bite my tongue, once again. Let’s just say that cousin’s crystal glasses are pretty sturdy because I squeezed them hard!

The following Christmas I was surprised when she gave me a brooch that said: “Cat Lover”. The fact that it was the only thing I got when I realised what other gifts they had offered everyone else became funny to me. I had to laugh (or I would have cried too often). And at least I like the brooch. Some relatives were not at ease with the situation, and would tell me about it. I would tell them not to worry about it. That was just the way it was, nothing more. With time, people started to “notice” things a little more, or, my MIL wasn’t being as careful as she used to be. People also realised that I had made many attempts at peace.

I did reach a point where I didn’t even want to see my in laws at family gatherings. It was sucking the life out of me, and was also creating tension with Hubby. I felt like he wasn’t backing me up when I needed him to. He felt stuck in the middle, helpless. He so often reminded me that despite my best efforts, it wasn’t me and it was useless to try to fix things.

While friends from out of town were visiting one year, Hubby’s ex and I started comparing notes (yes, we are one of those weirdo couples who still have contact with their exes) about how MIL was acting with me. She was doing to me what she had done to her. Hubby says that it was at that specific moment that he knew his mother was beyond help. It is also at that moment that he “closed” himself when it came to issues with his mother.

Anyu (part 1)

For some reasons, maybe because Monkey asked me about it, I feel like telling you about how it was with my now defunct MIL. For the people related to her (Hubby, etc.) who do read my blog, please don’t be offended. I just want to tell my story. You knew her and of our relationship. I’m grateful that in the last few months before her death, her attitude towards me changed completely. We made peace, or rather, she made peace with me. From the moment I’ve met her (over 13 years ago) she didn’t like me. I wasn’t what she hoped for her son. I wasn’t Hungarian. I was French-Canadian. I didn’t have a master, like her son. Those were a few of the things she had told me over the years. I never said anything back. To this day, I don’t know how come I never talked back to her, because it is so not me. I tend to be more “in your face” than “shy away”, but with her, I always kept quiet.

While talking with a friend, our discussion led to how my MIL used to treat me. She was mean and rude and despite my best efforts to ignore her, it did affect me. It hurt. Hubby would say it wasn’t me; she treated all his girlfriends that way. I didn’t give a rat’s ass how she treated his ex; it was currently me!

She was subtle at the beginning. She would do little things. When we were there for dinner, all the women would have a fine porcelain cup for their tea, and I would get a mug. She would offer little wooden jewellery boxes that she painted (she was quite the artist) to all women and would give me two Hershey Kisses. People would notice, but nobody ever said anything. That was just her way with me. It was hard to swallow at times. But I never said anything. I never let my “true nature” surface. I was polite and bit my tongue on more than one occasion. I still have the sores to prove it!

As time went on, she became a little more verbal with me. She would take jabs at me. Each time I’d force myself to think that she was a poor, sad woman who needed help, but deep down it hurt.

I had decided that 1999 was going to be a “clean up” year for me. So, in January I had written her a letter in which I simply said that I accepted her not liking me, but wished for her to respect the fact that I was with her son. Hubby wasn’t happy when I told him I had written his mother. He always thought it was useless. A few days after sending it, we had a serious car accident and she came to pick us up at the impound lot. She barely said anything to me, and very little to Hubby. She only mentioned that letter last Christmas. It had been over seven years since she did receive it.

In April 1999, my father committed suicide. Nobody from Hubby’s family came to pay their respect – not one member. That truly hurt me at the time, and still does when I think of it. I wasn’t a “passing” girlfriend; I had been with him for five years at the time. I must say though, his mother had the decency to send me a sympathy card…

Then we decided to get married. We did everything ourselves, and covered all costs. One evening Hubby went to his parents’ and when he came back I could see that he was upset. His mother had given him a choice: Her or Me. Hubby informed his mother that he was getting married to me. Hubby’s parents didn’t attend our wedding in Hawaii. They had also said that they wouldn’t come to our reception in Montreal, but changed their mind in the end. We were welcoming people in and when his parents came in, his mother looked at me, lifted her nose up and said “mphm” as she walked past me! During the dinner, some guests came to tell me that a lady was crying in the bathroom. I told them not to worry; it was my mother in law. It made for some interesting conversation I’m sure!

Noise party

Because of all the noise surrounding me, I will do this post bullet form, since I don’t think I can gather my thoughts much.

• They’re doing the floor next door, between the sawing and the hammering… going mental here! Weare REALLY living on a construction site today!
  
  
• Kitchen update: the fridge is in place, just need to connect the water.
  
  
• All our doors and drawers will be changed to Shaeker, the cabinet maker got the approval from the builder to do it! Yippee!
  
  
• We have 1 light fixture installed and 2 are ordered. We only need like 7 more…
  
  
• All “Thank You” cards for my MIL are done & sent.
  
  
• A friend from Melbourne was in town visiting his daughter here for an exchange program between Melbourne University and McGill. Had not seen him in a few years. Went for dinner last night with them. That man can drink, and my husband could not follow him. Hee.
  
  
• Happy to see Hubby met his match!
  
  
• Did I tell you we were going to Vegas?! No? Well, we are! So if you want me to send you a postcard, let me know before Friday!

OK I"m off shopping, need to find a few things before our trip to Vegas, baby!

Plus my head is about to pop...

___
Image: Noise

Another week

Yesterday we were supposed to do Dim Sum with some friends and their kids. First they were going to see an IMAX movie and then they would walk over to see our new place and then we would walk to Chinatown. Plans didn’t quite work out that way. They called us at around 10 with a major change of plans. They were coming over right then, because there had been an accident at the IMAX theatre. So about 20 minutes later, six “tourists” showed up at our door. There was a lot of commotion. One of guys had stayed behind because he was first on the scene and had to give a declaration. Turns out this grandmother who was there with her 3 grandkids, lost her footing and felt through a glass barrier, about 20 feet high. She didn’t make it. The doctor who showed up on the scene was her son. Imagine that!! Our friend, who used to be a volunteer fireman, was a bit shaken up, he hadn’t been in a situation like that in a few years.

We never know what life has in stock for us, do we? Think about it, this lady took her grandkids for a morning movie and instead of seeing a movie about dinosaurs, they saw they grandmother fall and die. How messed up is that?!

We did go to Dim Sum, enjoyed a great meal and cherished the fact that we were together with friends. We walked our friends to their cars and Hubby & I walked home, through the Old Port. Yesterday was pretty hot and humid, so we cooled down a bit before making our way to the funeral home to pick up the ashes of Hubby’s mom. We put her in a nice thing that she had painted and it fit perfectly. I also put in Hubby’s first little car (Dinky Toy), a Volks’ Beetle, as I had promised her.

When we got back home, my mother was waiting for us, sitting on our front steps. She dropped by for a quick visit – she just had to see our new place. She had brought us some freshly picked (from her garden) tomatoes and some cucumbers and some corn. Guess what we had for dinner?

I found out this morning that on Thursday the cabinetmaker will be here to fix our fridge issue. I can hardly believe that our fridge will eventually be in its hole! Can’t wait to see that! Then the floor guy called and his guys are supposed to be here to fix the floor downstairs… This is already starting to feel like this week will be another of those crazy messed up busy week…

FuneralS

I’ve been wondering if I should write about it or not… I asked my beautiful husband if he would mind, and he agreed so…

Last week was a death week for me. My MIL passed away on July 12th, but her funeral was on Monday July 16th. It was beautifully done, simple and personalized. Hubby and I had provided some pictures of her through time, and the funeral home made a little video montage with them, which turned out quite good. Her brother did a photomontage that looked amazing. We had brought some of her art to display and I had put a picture of Hubby and his dad with her, in her coffin.

A lot of people came to pay their respect. The Hungarian community had a fair presence. It’s always surprising to see who will “pop up” at those things… and yet I think it is nice of people to make the effort and come. After the viewing, the casket was moved to the chapel where their Hungarian priest did a little service. Then Hubby got up and addressed the people present. I have to say that my husband is not the emotional one, he’s often perceived as cold, but I know that under all that lays a tender heart. The first thing that attracted me to him was is brain, how smart he was about little weird things. He knows the most random things and he’ll retain the strangest information; it’s freaky. He also has the great ability to write well. When we wrote our vows, I worked hard at it. He just sat there and came up with the perfect sentences. Did I say that he also often piss me off? No? Well, he does! But I love him. Anyway, he gave his mother a really nice eulogy. I thought some of you might want to read it (and he was ok with me blogging about it) :

Thank you all for your support and for being here with us to say farewell to my mother.

Each arriving in Canada with barely anything, my mother and father together successfully created a rich and comfortable life for our family. I am very grateful to both of them for this great accomplishment.

How to describe my mother, affectionately known as "Gitta"? I have thought of the adjectives we could use to describe her:

- Talented: as demonstrated by the few pieces we brought here today.

- Meticulous: she would start a task over and over until it was just the way she wanted the result to be, particularly for her art.

She was also strong, proud and generous. I am happy to have inherited a portion of some of these characteristics of hers.

However, like all of us she also had some less than ideal characteristics: stubborn (I can vouch for having inherited a good portion of stubbornness from her), opinionated and at times she could even be hurtful.

With myself and more particularly with my father EVERYTHING had to be just her way. As I mentioned, we all have some less than shining characteristics, myself included, and these were hers.

For 13 years my wife Stinkypaw had to bite her tongue to keep some semblance of peace in our family, but Gitta came around and made peace with Stinkypaw during the last 10 months. We are all glad it finally happened and as the expression goes: "better late than never". All three of us remaining are very happy my mother did this before passing. In some small way I hope it gave her a bit more peace before the end.

Gitta loved to entertain. She graciously opened her door to friends and family. I believe that all felt welcome and warm in my parents' home. She was great at entertaining and particularly FEEDING her guests (she would prepare at least three times the amount food required, just to make sure nothing would run out). It was during these times that she was at her best, while having a drink with friends and family, one of her favorite being a bit of "bubbly", Henckell to be exact. I am glad she managed to have a last sip at her 64th birthday on June 23rd.

Her greatest legacy is her love, the life she helped create for us and her great art. I sincerely hope that some members of the guild will think of her during a brushstroke here and there.

Dad we will do fine, once in a while we'll even give you a few orders to remind you of her.

"Mamika" you can rest in peace our eternal love for you lives on within us and your loving husband will be taken care of.

After that we invited everyone to come to a reception hall to toast Gitta one last time and have a bite to eat. FIL was very happy with how everything went and so were we.

Then on Thursday we went to the funeral of a long time friend of my parents. He died on July 17th due to bone cancer. As far back as I can remember he was always there. The last time we spoke was June 6th. He had called me because of a letter I had written him. When my mother had informed me of his condition, I decided to let him know how much he represented to me, and to thank him for always being a good influence in my life. My letter really touched him and his family.

When we showed up for the viewing, which was being held in the church hall, because the funeral home was too small, I saw a queue of people waiting to get in. I just couldn’t believe it. We had to line up to see the body and family, just like for dignitaries or famous people! The man I saw in his casket wasn’t the man I remembered. I’m so happy I got to let him know how I felt before he died.

His daughter in law thanked me for writing him, because it taught her that we should take the time to say how we feel to our loved ones, that we’ll never know how much it will be appreciated and how much it will mean to them…

I’m just glad I had a chance, with both deceased, to let them go in peace.

May you both rest in peace.

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Image: flower

I'm back Baby!

Hello Blogsville! I’m back! Finally, after 23 loooong days!
I felt so disconnected. It’s one thing to be off the net by choice, but to be cut off like this wasn’t our choice, trust me! To be without a phone nor an internet connection wasn’t our idea, especially that we so needed both. We busted our minutes on both our cells just making calls re. my MIL’s funeral. But that’s all (almost) in the past now. Things are getting back to normal, somewhat… We still don’t have cable, thus no TV, but at least we own a lot of movies. I knew these would become handy someday.

So, I’ve been busy even though I wasn’t blogging. We moved to our new condo. The move itself went well; only 2 plates broken and a good floor scratch (5-6 boards need to be changed).

We are still “camping”. Our new furniture should be delivered next Thursday. Can’t wait to get rid of some more boxes. I’m getting tired of seeing boxes around. We haven’t unpacked everything because; well… the builder did some booboos.

You see despite having said very specifically what and how we wanted things and even supplying the specs for our fridge, the cabinetmaker made the hole the size of the fridge, not bigger, but the exact measurement of it. So, the fridge is right smack in the middle of our little kitchen, leaving us a little passage way... Fun!The cabinets are not what we ordered either. We are still missing doors and there are a bunch of things like that, that make this whole experience such a fun one! The week my MIL passed away, they had to redo our shower, because it was leaking, and not just a little. So the morning of her passing the plumber, the tile guy and the glass guy were in and out of our place one after the other. Did I say I was having fun while I was away? Well, I wasn’t!Besides being woken up at 5:30 every morning, and spending the day surrounded by the lovely sounds of hammering, drilling and swearing (‘cause those construction guys, man, do they swear!) while I was unpacking boxes, things were going belly up. We both felt like we were living in a pinball machine or something, and we were stuck on top, bouncing around, waiting for that shove that would tilt the machine. You know the one?

We are managing to enjoy life and discovering our new neighbourhood even if we haven’t found a grocery store yet. We walked to Chinatown for dinner and made our way to Old Montreal as well. It’s fun, it does feel like we are tourists in our own town. We are discovering new things and it almost feel like we’re on vacation. I think we’ll like this, once we are truly settled in and that everything is done to our liking – that might take a while, I know!

Between the Fireworks every Wednesday and Saturday nights, and the Comedy Fest there is so much to see and do. Last night, we walked (Yes Sir! We can walk to shows now! Woohoo!) to a gala hosted by John Pinette, he’s hilarious. It felt good to laugh. Some stand-ups were really good, like the Aussie Adam Hills or our fellow Canadian Jeremy Hotz. Overall it was a great evening and both Hubby and I needed that.

Shall be closing for now, but rest assure I’m back for good this time!

Quick update

Quick note: We are moved - it's still a construction zone and we are not connected to the internet, thus my going MIA!

I'm writing from my good friend Issy's desk! She was nice enough to let me use it. Thanks girl!!

Other news, sadly, MIL passed away yesterday afternoon after a hard battle. We are hanging in and going nuts, for a change!

Will get back to Blogsville soon - promise!

Tout ou Rien*

As we all know, things tend to all happen at once. You have nothing planned for the weekend, then you get 3 offers to do something. No matter how well you plan, there's always a time in each of our lives when too many happens at the same time. We are going through one of those phases. Oh, I'm not complaining, but I can't wait for the day when things get back to "normal". I'm realising that I do enjoy my quiet little life. I do enjoy my peace and quiet. I like my routine. Call me whatever, but there are some things that should be kept "stable". I'm not enjoying this "too many pieces moving at the same time" thing we are currently going through. Between the move, the MIL's condition, Hubby looking for a new contract, it's a bit much...

This past week I spent it hunting for a notary for my in-laws (they need to get their wills in order), trying to do some work for my clients, get our move organised and packed, make sure the builder is doing what we paid for, throw in a day where I felt like crap due to digestive problems and a day without my car because it sounded like somebody was hiding under it wacking spoons or something and now you have an idea of how things went. The worst part about my car is that as soon as I left the mechanic's lot I could hear that rattling again, worst than before I brought it in. They had the balls to charge me over $200 and it was still making noise! I don't think so! I brought it back in the next morning, feeling like somebody should be pinching my nipples (read this, if you don't know what I mean)! They fixed it, or at least the noise stopped. After the garage I made my way to the notary’s office for the sale of our house, to find out that a few years ago when we re-financed our mortgage, the previous mortgage company never issued a receipt so we had to pay an extra $600 to do so. Fuckers! One more experience we will tag as a “first time home owner learning experience”.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to organize a little get together for my MIL’s 64th birthday. Since this was going to be her last birthday with us I wanted her to be surrounded with her loved ones one last time. I say “one last time” because we see that’s she is going fast… A few more weeks max. I called her brother, who lives one hour away from here; her sister, who actually lives 8 hours away but who’s in town at the moment. We all met at the hospital for some bubbly and birthday cake.

We made our way to the hospital with 12 beautiful roses from the same florist who has been serving us for many years. As we were leaving she told Hubby that once the roses were wilted to come back and she would replace them, her gift to his mother. Now, that is one sweet gesture. There are still good people out there… despite the morons we encounter daily. My MIL was so happy. A few times she got teary eyes, but overall we could see that despite her awareness of her situation, she was happy to be with her family.

From the hospital we made our way to the condo. In 5 freakin’ days we are moving! The wooden floor was partially put down. Some of the things that weren’t right are still that way. NOT GOOD. Things have been pending long enough. We want to see certain things done as per our specification before we move in. Since Monday is a legal holiday here, they will have only 2, that’s right, two days left to fix everything! We will be meeting the project manager next week to have a "little" chat!

Someone told me last week that I looked a little stressed or distracted. Really? Hummm, don’t know why. It’s not like there’s anything going on in my life to make me stress…

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Image: Rain pours

*All or Nothing

"Time Is On My Side", or is it?

Since last night this song is in my head, not the whole song, just that... Tiiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is... Tiiiiime...

Do you ever do something and then think “Why did I do that?”. I do, often. While I was visiting my mother on Mother’s Day she told me about a friend of the family who had been diagnosed with bone cancer. Even if I hadn’t seen him in years I felt sad for this strong and lively man who was now suffering and yielding away. I wrote him a letter in which I thanked him for being part of my life for so long, for being a strong character figure, a constant in my life. I felt that I wanted to let him know how he had touched me, and I wanted to do it while he was still alive. That’s one regret I won’t have.

My MIL's cancer has been progressing and finally one oncologist gave a timeline. It’s not good, about 2 months only. It must be the strangest thing to know that you have so little time left. We all know that “one day” we will die, but to know that there’s an actual timeframe, must be really, really… I can’t even say it.

My meditation teacher often says that we are here to prepare our deaths. At first I used to think that it was morbid. Now, not so much. We don’t talk about death. We don’t want to face it. That’s the only thing we should all be certain of; we will all die. One day. We just don’t know when though. But to know when, or to have an idea of “when”, what would you do about it?

If you have faith then it might be easier, I say might because faith doesn’t preclude being afraid. Maybe because I’ve been surrounded by death since a very young age, I can’t say that I’m afraid of dying. I’m scared shitless of suffering, that I don’t want. But dying…
I do think that if we live every day to the fullest, really say what we mean, not always postponed things, not hurt others intentionally, live life the way it’s meant to be lived, death won’t be so scary because we didn’t waste our time here.

Imagine being on your deathbed and using those last moments to say “Oh I should have…” or “I wish I could have…” that would be sad. A friend once told me, “It’s better to have a regret than a doubt”. It took me years to really understand what he meant. I prefer being sorry for something I did or said rather than regret not having said anything… but that’s the way I am.

I’ll leave you with this text I got from a friend via e-mail a little while back. I removed the “chain” aspect of it, but I liked the message.

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!

A sick man turned to his doctor,as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know a little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing. I know my Master is there and that is enough. "

May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

What would you do if you knew that “time wasn’t really on your side”?…

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Image: Beach in Kauai, taken by Hubby

Je capote!*

Ever feel like everything is happening at once? Or that no matter what, or how positive you think, things are being thrown your way to a point where you just want to stand up and scream “Enough already!”?

You see, with the situation with my in-laws – I write in-laws, because we not only have to take care of the mother who is actually sick and needs attention, but we also have to look after the father – I’m starting to feel that maybe things in our lives (Hubby’s and mine) should be put on the back burner… A friend was telling me Saturday that we should no put our life on hold because of the fact that we are taking care of my in-laws. Yeah, ok…

Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon cooking for them – I prepared them little portions, individually frozen, for them to be able to eat proper meals. FIL won’t cook, and if MIL doesn’t eat, he most likely won’t either. I even prepared them some fresh fruits, so that they have that as well. All FIL has to do is open the container and eat. It can’t get simpler than that. Hubby brought them everything and when he came back he was drained. He hates the fact that he’s becoming a parent for his parents. Today we both looked in “options” : his mother cannot be taken care of, properly, at home by his father, we now know that. Something has to give on that front. Hubby is currently at the hospital with both his parents. His mom is dehydrated and his dad is ready for the Looney bin!

To top it all – I received a phone call about something that we have been working on for a few weeks. It’s not really a bad news, but it isn’t a good one either. I was actually surprised to hear Hubby’s reaction when I called him about it. I’ve been making phone calls, trying to get some re-assurance somewhere… no such luck. Things are not looking that good on that front…

A part of me feels like I used to before a math test – I hated it even if I knew what I had to study for. There are too many balls being juggled at the same time, and I don’t know where to look to make sure that things don’t fall and I’m starting to get dizzy.

I wonder if things would be better, if, for the next few months, Hubby and I, basically put our lives on hold and concentrate only on his parents? Do you think that would help? Would we feel less “pulling in every direction”? When is it that our “duties” as a child reach their limits, or even, are there limits? I don’t want to do like my friend’s brother and burnout because he took care of his dying mother while his father was not coping with the situation, nor do I want my husband to go down that lane… Where do we, as the couple that we are, fit in all of this?

I just got a call from Hubby they are admitting his mother – which is NOT a bad thing – it will give FIL a chance to recuperate a bit, and Hubby will only have to “parentsit” one parent.

What’s the expression again; when it rains, it pours? Argh!!!



*I'm going nuts!

Façon de vivre...*

So many of us hold on to little resentments that might have come from an argument, a misunderstanding, the way we were raised or whatever else. Too often we wait for the other person to make the first move. We think that it’ the only way we can forgive or rekindle a friendship or a family relationship.

For many years I/we didn’t speak to my in-laws. Why not, you may ask? My mother in law always gave me/us a “hard time”, I did try, on many occasions, but it just wasn’t working out. Through the years we simply didn’t care to mend the relationship. She was stubborn and wouldn’t bulge. Her son, my husband, is just as stubborn. We thought she would literally prefer to die before reaching out to her only son and me.

Last summer when her health took a turn for the worst, her attitude towards us/me change for the better. Hubby wasn’t holding his breath. I was happy to see a change, even if (I must admit) I was a little freaked out about it. Her battle with cancer is a tough one. I’ve tried to help her, but old habits die-hard. Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They aren’t. Hubby often says about his mother: “She rather be right than be happy”, sadly enough.

Over the weekend, his father dropped by. Poor man. He was/is in bad shape. His whole world, his routine is completely upside down. He doesn’t know how to cope with the situation at hand, he doesn’t understand what’s happening to his wife’s body and her attitude towards him is… let’s just say… quite harsh at times. We took the time to talk to him, and to listen. We suggested that he seeks help, professional help for himself first. He needs to take care of himself in order to be better equipped to deal with the challenge that represents his sick wife. He’s having a hard time understanding why he’s being dealt such a bad hand, when all his life he was always helpful to others… Life isn’t fair, that’s for sure.

It’s one thing to know that one day you’ll die, but to know that you’ll be doing fairly soon must be something completely different. There is one thing I do know; if I was to die tomorrow I don’t think I would have any regrets. I’m living life; I laugh daily, try not to only be myself, but be my best self. I dare to be different and to live my own life. When I make a decision I try to make it wisely. I enjoy what is beautiful and love with my heart and soul. I try to do that daily.

This morning, Hubby’s cousin sent me this:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, Never regret anything...

I’d say it’s a pretty good way to live, what do you think?

Image: Spring flowers

* Way of life...

Everything is all right by me now *

I was “invited” by Jade to post on her blog “In-Laws From Hell”. When I received her invitation I thought about it and figured I had a few horror stories to tell… Trust me I do! Anybody who knows me knows about my relationship (or lack of) with my mother-in-law. She disliked me from the moment I met her. I’ve been with Hubby since January 1994 (want to know how we met, read this).

Today, I feel a little awkward for accepting Jade’s offer to be a contributor on her blog, since at the moment things are actually quite good with my MIL… It’s been like that since August 25th. On that day Hubby received a phone call from his mother asking us to visit her in the hospital. She was being operated the next morning because they had found a lump on her belly. After two long months in the hospital, fighting colorectal cancer and C-Difficile, my MIL made a 180 turn in her behaviour towards me. Funny what being scared to die will do to a person!

Her prognostic isn’t good. She knows it. We’ve seen more of Hubby’s parents in the past four months than we did in the last 12 years. I must say it is very freaky (for me, at least)! It is such a change that I feel unstable, like I could tip over at any time, and yet…

Sunday afternoon we went over because there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed before her death. MIL is the one in charge in that household; she takes care of the house, the cooking, laundry, finances and everything else basically. FIL basically worked and did some “handy” chores around the house, but nothing else, really. They are the typical couple of the 50's. FIL is totally overwhelmed by the situation. He is completely lost and when she dies he will be a big mess.

At one point I ended up with MIL in one room and Hubby ended up with his father in the kitchen. For some strange reason, since MIL got sick and despite all the pain she inflicted me I’ve been there for her and FIL (as well as their son, don’t get me wrong!). I visited her while she was in the hospital (three rooms down from my room when I had my surgery, ironic isn’t it?), tried to help where I could. If someone had told me that one day I would help that woman to do anything I would have laughed in his or her face. The feelings I had for her weren’t good ones – she had hurt me deep and I wasn’t about to act as if nothing happened… or so I thought. I’ve tried to make things work, I really did. I tried talking to her, writing her, but to no avail. She didn’t want to.

Sunday, I told her to take the time she has left to mend whatever she could with whomever. She was given an opportunity to do right and to clear the air with some people; she should take advantage of it. She did. We talked like never before, openly, about how we felt about each other. It felt good, and I wanted that.

I wanted her to leave in peace, not with anger in her heart. She may or not mend everything, but at least with me, some very big steps were made. While talking with her, I came to realise that deep down I did not dislike her; I was just “reacting” to her way of treating me (I disliked how she treated me and her son). We open a new channel of communications and cleared some things.

I’m not saying that all is forgotten, but a part of me feels like it’s not worth it to hold on to my anger towards her. It’s not worth the effort to remain disgruntled; I rather focus my energy on helping her to come to term with the challenges that she will have to face soon. She has some pretty rough times ahead of her, we all do. The next few months won’t be easy, but like in every lessons life offers, we will learn and grow from this…
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Image: Peaceful

* David Usher