For many years I/we didn’t speak to my in-laws. Why not, you may ask? My mother in law always gave me/us a “hard time”, I did try, on many occasions, but it just wasn’t working out. Through the years we simply didn’t care to mend the relationship. She was stubborn and wouldn’t bulge. Her son, my husband, is just as stubborn. We thought she would literally prefer to die before reaching out to her only son and me.
Last summer when her health took a turn for the worst, her attitude towards us/me change for the better. Hubby wasn’t holding his breath. I was happy to see a change, even if (I must admit) I was a little freaked out about it. Her battle with cancer is a tough one. I’ve tried to help her, but old habits die-hard. Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They aren’t. Hubby often says about his mother: “She rather be right than be happy”, sadly enough.
Over the weekend, his father dropped by. Poor man. He was/is in bad shape. His whole world, his routine is completely upside down. He doesn’t know how to cope with the situation at hand, he doesn’t understand what’s happening to his wife’s body and her attitude towards him is… let’s just say… quite harsh at times. We took the time to talk to him, and to listen. We suggested that he seeks help, professional help for himself first. He needs to take care of himself in order to be better equipped to deal with the challenge that represents his sick wife. He’s having a hard time understanding why he’s being dealt such a bad hand, when all his life he was always helpful to others… Life isn’t fair, that’s for sure.
It’s one thing to know that one day you’ll die, but to know that you’ll be doing fairly soon must be something completely different. There is one thing I do know; if I was to die tomorrow I don’t think I would have any regrets. I’m living life; I laugh daily, try not to only be myself, but be my best self. I dare to be different and to live my own life. When I make a decision I try to make it wisely. I enjoy what is beautiful and love with my heart and soul. I try to do that daily.This morning, Hubby’s cousin sent me this:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, Never regret anything...I’d say it’s a pretty good way to live, what do you think?
Image: Spring flowers
* Way of life...
16 comments:
I think that's beautiful, and I'm going to print that out!
You know, hubby and I have been married for 11 years, and I've never been "good enough" for my Mother-in-law's one and only baby boy.
She absolutely HATED that he married a divorced woman who had 2 kids, and 2 disabled kids at that.
The one time his folks visited, she was rude to my parents, rude to me in FRONT of my parents, and called Gladys Knight the "n" word in front of my kids. Which was completely unacceptable and I put my foot down. His folks never visited us again.
Not that using the "n" word was something she regularly did---she was old and sort on her way to senility. She's just a bitter and angry person.
I figured the best way to deal was to make sure she got flowers on every holiday, regular phone calls and sent hubby out to visit them sans us for 10 days every spring--so she could have him to herself. Worked so far. LOL Never wanted hubby to feel like I was making him choose.
Hubby's dad died over Thanksgiving, and his mom is having some trouble coping. She calls Hubby over every little bit of mail that confuses her, because her husband took care of all that stuff.
He's feeling a bit frustrated and impatient, but ironically, all I can feel is a deep sense of compassion for her. I have to remind him of her loss and his obligation.
After all, she might dislike me, but I have her to thank for raising such a wonderful son who has turned out to be such a great husband and father to my--no--our boys. :-)
That's a great quote ... I'll need to print that one out.
Hope your week is going well.
Take care, Meow
You have a great attitude!I hope that you keep trying to be yourself..... and that you keep on laughing. Laughter really is good for the soul!
Take care!
I am sorry your in-laws are going through this. But your attitude is precious. Don't lose it.
That's a great outlook to have. Holding on to anger hurts you far more than the person you're angry at, in my experience.
i'm definitely one of those "lay it on the table" sort of people. I find it much more uncomfortable to avoid issues.
good luck with everything you and your husband are going through.
atm: Trust me I do know what you mean! Unlike your husband, mine decided to stay away from his parents, because it was just too much. It's almost funny, 'cause I do remind hubby of his "duties" as a son (we are both single child, so we have no sibbling to "share the load" with...), it's not easy. Like you I'm thankful that a great, loving man was raised by that woman. That is ONE thing she did very well.
meow: If only we could remember it when we're pissed off!
seeker: At the moment my sign, on email is "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for whom you're not." and I do laugh everyday.
christina: I'll try not to - thanks!
lizgwiz: It a waste of energy and often they don't even know that you're angry at them! I have better things to do!
princess: I'm not one to accumulate either - I'm quite blunt (too much at times), but that's the way I am, and I realise that not everyone is that way. The fact that I speak my mind I don't "remain" angry - I expressed my feelings and then I move on... but some rather keep it in and then explode for no apparent reason!
Amen! You are a good person! Keep your perspective and thoughts and thanks for reminding us of them!
This is beautifully written...I'm devasted for my Aunt, but more worried for my Uncle. Glad you guys are there. Mousse xoxox
In laws are an interesting. Mine is stubborn, but mostly about her life and unwillingness to change her destructive financial habits. Which means we'll be burdened with her soon and it makes me very resentful.
ah, well.
Great quote.
My father lived with/died from a terminal illness in 1999. He was not afraid to die, and he let go of all of his petty resentments long before he passed. We were lucky. We worked out all of our issues, and he died truly happy.
My in laws are a different story all together. They can't stand me, and I'm not sure why. They have been rude to my kids, but don't go out of their way for them, either. They already have a pile of grandkids, and I'm not sure how they feel about my girls. When it comes to ME, however, I know exactly where they stand.
I hope that things improve for your father in law. It must be awful watching the person that you love most in the world die slowly. maybe you should print that quote out for your MIL?
wreckless: I'm trying to be a good person... thank you!
mousse: It's a rough patch, but we'll get through it. Thanks.
paisley: In-laws are interesting no matter how you look at them. Try not to let it get to you (I know, first hand, that's easier said than done, but at least try).
biddie: I sort of given up on her a while back... but I agree it is hard to watch the one you love slowly slip away...
You're right... life is just way too short to hold on to all that. It sounds like you have a really good grasp, though.
dcmm: I have better things to do with my life/time than to hold on to grudges... I'm trying here.
That is a nice sentiment. I need to print it too. Hope you have a nice weekend!
shoparound: Same to you my dear!
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