Friday, June 30, 2017

Things I do miss...

Ever had that feeling that you were born in the wrong time period?  That you're an old soul stuck in the wrong body for the times?  I've been thinking about that lately, oh this is not a new thing, quite the opposite.  I remember thinking, as a kid, that I should have been born before.  I was brought up a certain way and because of that, I often stood out.  I guess my values were different than those of the people my age.  Maybe it came from my parents (read strict father and his crazy ass ideas), I don't really know.  I do know that as I'm getting I do miss some of that.

What do I miss exactly?  Many things, like for example:

Dressing up - I was raised to dress up when came time to go somewhere like church, or to attend a funeral.  If I went out with my parents to visit a relative or even to go to a restaurant, I had to dress up.  I didn't have to wear tulle, but I had to wear something nice, and preferably not pants (I did say my dad had crazy ass ideas!).  In doing so I had to behave a certain way, I had to sit properly and it "forced" me to be more lady like, not slouching as much if you will.  I remember feeling proud of my nice clothes.  To this day, whenever we dress up to go somewhere, I still feel this feeling of pride as soon as I wear something nice.  Many fashion advisers will say it, dress the part, and it is true.  When you dress nice your whole posture changes.  We've lost that with all those "jailin" pants that is for sure!

Modesty - Maybe it is because of the new clothes styles, the "gang" style many people wear, the casual went from a nice pair of khakis to rip jeans and showing more skin than I do in a bathing suit. The sad part is, many (read, a shit load too many!) should cover up.  Please do not say that everyone is entitle to show as much or as little as one please, that we should accept all sizes, etc.  Give me a break.  Some things should remain private and unexposed, and I'm no prude, but I do have a gag reflex!

Handwritten letters - I used to have penpals back in high school, I still do and I have my postcards.  I just love to write.  The feel of pen and paper is nice.  We can express ourselves in writing often way better than if spoken (in my case anyway!), and for me the coolest thing is finding an old letter written by an ex-boyfriend or a relative long past, and remembering them through their words as if they were still talking to me.  So many souvenir in old hand written documents.

Memorizing phone numbers - to this day I still remember our phone number from the store.  I used to know so many numbers by heart, now, I can barely remember mine!  That muscle hasn't been trained in many years, since the arrival of speed dial and the Smart phones.  I don't even know my own mother's phone number!  I have it programmed in my cell, so I don't need to remember it, right? Riiight!

Saying "Please" and "Thank you" - that used to be a given.  I find it sad to see a TV commercial (about Tim Horton I think) where they say you can only say "Ice Coffee" to get one, and oh, of course, you can say "Ice Coffee Please" or "Ice Coffee Thank You".  It is a very sad reflection of our manners or rather lack of manners.

Saying "Sir" and "Ma'am" - another nice thing that has been lost.  Granted I will admit, being called ma'am by a twenty something stings a little, but then again when it does happen I appreciate the respect.  I remember being afraid of my elders, relatives, neighbors and even complete strangers, because I knew that if I didn't talk to them respectfully I would get it (it being whatever from an earful to a good whack!).  We had to show respect to our teachers, to people working in public (from waitress to nurse to office personnel), to the parents of friends, we weren't on a first name basis and did respect them (or at least acted like we did!).  I hate it when I call somewhere or meet a contractor (which is something I've been doing the past few weeks) and to be talked to as if I'm someone they know.  We have an expression (in French) that says:  "We didn't watch the pigs together", as in we're not that familiar, let's keep it clean.  It's not even about being snow, I see it more as mutual respect and in some way showing some modesty, keeping things on a neutral basis if you will.

Doing mental math - I'm not math person, far from it.  I had to learn at a young age to count, since my folks had a store and I did operate the cash register (we had one just like that!  We used the crank when there was a power failure).  I had to know how to give the change back.  You know, before the electronic cash register?  There is nothing that infuriates me more than going to a store and giving $10.25 to the clerk for a $8.15 invoice.  When they look at me with that puzzled, confused look I want to scream (no not really, I would much rather smack some sense into them!).  When I tell them to simply give me back $2.10 they are completely lost.  I don't know how many times they will hand me back my quarter and the change for the $10, so a dollar and eighty-five cents of change, grrrr. Morons who can't count, unless their cash register tells me the amount. And if their cash doesn't work, then forget about paying, they are royally screwed.

Cursive writing - actually never mind cursive, simply writing full words and sentences! Ah! Seriously!  Sometimes some younger friends will text me (we have more than twenty years difference) and in order for me to understand what they are sending me I have to read it out loud.  I just can't get on with that, I like words and like to write them.  I don't do "gr8" or "CU", so no I'm don't type fast nor do I use my thumbs, what can I say I'm vintage!

Are there any things like these old habits that you miss?

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Care too much, get hurt too easily

I turned fifty last November, so I'm not only an adult but I'm an old one.  Yet, at times, like right now, I feel like a fucking child in regards to my mother.  I've always known my mother to be the weak one in my parents' couple.  My dad was loud, abusive and very assertive and my mom was quiet, and very tame.  My father controlled everything, so she went along and never really making any decision for herself or even me, really.  When my father passed I thought it would be an occasion for her to assert herself, to become stronger and to decide what she wanted.  Boy, was I wrong!  After my father's death I realized that she was also a dependent woman, she needed to be with someone, she just couldn't be alone.  It sadden me, and still does.  I do understand that not everyone is able or rather want to be alone, I (sort of) get that, but at the same time it infuriates me and let's be honest, it hurts me too, when I see that she can't decide what she wants.

When we got married, back in 2000, I did ask my mother to come shop for my wedding dress with me.  She lives one hour away from town, and doesn't drive in town, so she would have to be driven by her beau. This was about nine months after my father's death.  I suggested to pick her up along the way, or for him to drop her off, but she wanted him to come with her and wait in the car.  I refused thinking it was ridiculous to have this old man sitting in a car, in January, waiting while I was trying on dresses.  She insisted and when I kept on saying it was ridiculous, she gave me an ultimatum: he would wait or she wouldn't come.  So I told her to stay home, I would go shopping with a friend.  And I did.  She wasn't happy about that, and even had an attitude with my friend for "having taken her place", but I reminded her (on a few occasions) that she gave up that role and chose to stay home.

I was hurt by how it was more important for her to have her beau with her, than to share in my big moment.  I won't even go into her attending our wedding in Hawaii. That was something else too.

A few years back, for her birthday, I decided to surprise her by taking her away just the two of us, for a night away at a spa.  I had to skip one of my class to get to her place the night before, so we could have dinner together, before making our way to the spa.  She had told me she would wait for me for dinner so we could eat together.  When I got to her place, she was playing cards with her new beau (a new one, since the other from the wedding died).  I was a bit surprise to see that there was no food on the stove or anything.  She asked if I had eaten. WTF?  Her beau had come over and they had dinner together.  She forgot that we had made plans.  She had even forgotten that we were going away for a night.  The whole time we were at the spa, she would check her phone to see if he had called.  It felt like I was with a teenager in love rather than my mother.

Move forward to just now, which prompted this post, she will be turning 75 years old in June.  Since she likes to swim, and massages etc. I decided to, again, offer her/us a get away, mother/daughter for a night, with spa, massage, facial, pedi/mani, the load.  I would pick her up, drive there and be pampered for a day with good food etc. I've asked her if she had plans for her birth day, and then told her to reserve me that day and night.  I made all arrangements.  Today she calls me to tell me that she's not feeling good.  She feels stuck between her beau and me.  I should have verified with him if he had any plans for her birthday, as well. Maybe I should, my bad, but at the same time, I did ask her if she was available before booking anything.  Anyway, she doesn't want to upset anyone and feels bad. Really?  She was away from October to March, in Florida, with her beau, and can't be away from him (or him from her) for one fucking day/night, and she feels torn?  I'm not only pissed off, but I'm hurt.  I've told her when she was asking if I was upset, that once again I got to know my place.  I know where I stand in regards to her.  I come after her beau.  Despite my best efforts to let go, it hurts. The kid in me feels rejected sort of.  I will do my best to apply this rule of mine, to treat family as I do friends, and tolerate the same.  Now I have to ask myself, if a friend did to me or treated me the way my mom does at times, would I tolerate it?  Would I still contact that friend and try to get together?  I know the answer to that, and somewhere deep in me, it hurts.  I will have to cut those sentimental strings... and whomever said that blood is thicker than water, can go fuck themselves.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 30 - Reminds me of me

Day 30 (finally!): A song that reminds me of myself

I will have to go with Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl"

followed by R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts"

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 29 - Remember from Childhood

Day 29: A song I remember from my childhood

There are many my mother used to play on our old record player, like Claude Valade's "Aide-moi à passer la nuit"

ou Claude Francois, "Le téléphone pleur"

and finally, this one, which turns out to be an ear worm! Soeur Sourire's "Dominique"

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 28 - Voice I Love

Day 28: A song by an artist with a voice I love

Well, all the songs I've posted this far were from artists which voices I love, but anyway, here goes with Pink's "Just Give Me A Reason"

Monday, April 24, 2017

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 27 - Breaks My Heart

Day 27: A song that brakes my heart

It doesn't break my heart, but it sure pulls on the emotional strings, especially when sang by Florent Pagny "Caruso"

Sunday, April 23, 2017

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 26 - Want to Fall in Love

Day 26: A song that makes me want to fall in love

For this one I went with a recent song, from John Legend "All of Me"