Saturday, February 21, 2015

Mise au point

I'm writing here since doing such a post on the Bacefook group wouldn't be the right place.  Since I've created this baby, I've been venting, ranting or bitching, whatever you want to call it, on here.  I've used this blog as my own personal soap box, and I love it.  I'm not forcing anyone to read it, those who do it is because they chose to come here.

I administer a Bacefook group for my Postcrossing addiction.  As I wrote a few posts back, I wanted it to be a certain way, I had ideas of what the group would be about, blah, blah, blah.  Things change, they go in different directions, they mature and at times, they even die.  I'm okay with that.  It's what they call the circle of life, right?  Things come and go, just like men - sorry, couldn't help that one!

In managing the group, I've had to refuse members, deal with those reactions, being called a racist, a bitch, etc.  I don't care.  I wanted (and still do) this group to be for and about Canadians, not people who like Canadians and so on.  You're not Canadians, then this group is not for you.  In managing the group, I've had to put my foot down and insist that this group wasn't about swaps.  I know that some people really disliked it, some left because of it, but it's all good.  You want to only do swaps, then this group is not for you.  In managing the group, I've had to monitor some posts when things were getting out of hand or going down a path that would turn sour.  I've had to close and even delete some subjects.  You want to stir some shit, then this may not be the group for you.

That being said I'm not a dictator.  A bitch, most likely.  I can deal with that.  Yes it is a group I've created, but I really do think it is our group.  I really don't care what you post on the wall (unless it's about offers to swap!), what games you play, etc.  Whenever I feel something is not right, I will address it, other than that, I will give you addresses for the GRC, add new members, and so on.

So, if you want to post something about a sick friend (like Sue did), please do.  If you want to share a link re. mail delivery (like Angie did), go ahead.  If you want to start a traveling envelop, a game, etc, please, don't be shy.  This group is for us.  I want you to feel comfortable.  If you don't and there's something I can do to help, please let me know.  If you don't and would rather moan about it to others than to directly address it, then it is your problem.  Not mine.

Oh, by the way, if you don't like to see post about the GRC or RAS or about a game people are enjoying, there's always that little X you can click on.  You don't know which X I'm talking about?
In your "notifications" (the little globe), when you move your cursor over each message, a little X appears with the mention "unsubscribe", so if you click on there you will no longer receive notification about that thread. That's how it works on a computer, don't know about how it is on a phone or tablet, but I'm pretty sure the same options are available.

I felt I needed to say/write this.  If I've offended anyone, sorry that wasn't my intent.

Monday, February 09, 2015

Will I see Mr. Grey now?!

While watching the Grammy Awards,  Hubby and I started talking about "Fifty Shades..." coming out next weekend (which I already have a date for to go see with a girlfriend! ) after seeing an advertisement for it, and how I'm not liking the casting  He bugged me about Charlie Hunnam etc., which started me thinking about who I saw portraying Christian Grey.  Sure Hunnan would have made those jeans look good, and after seeing this commercial, yeah he could have pulled it off...

There is something I've read or envisioned in the books (that I'm assuming you've read too) that called for un petit je ne sais quoi, that not every good looking men could pull off.  Thinking about actors who could have pulled it of, I thought of these fine gentlemen:

Remember when Richard Gere was all that?  Remember him in "Pretty Woman"?  He looked good and had that little thing that could have been Grey like, but in a way he was "too nice", no?

Then I thought of Patrick Swayze, in "Dirty Dancing" or even in "Road House", but then again, not sure he had the whole package...

I also thought of my Canadian boy, Ryan Reynolds, he might pull it off, but then again, not "mysterious" enough...

What about the other Ryan? Goslin.

Now we're talking right?  He does mysterious, sexy with a little quirk...  Yeah he would have been a good Christian.

But then I think of Eric Bana, also dark and all...
Also a good candidate, for me at least, no?

I thought of movies we've seen recently seen, actors I've drooled over at different times; guys that just peak my interests because of either their looks, their roles, etc. Guys like Matt Bomer (who played Neal Caffrey on "White Collar") but in my books, there was that little something missing. 

He is hot, and can't wait to see him in July in "Magic Mike XXL" (and Channun and all the others, of course!)  especially since supposedly there isn't much left for the imagination. 

But in the meantime, still thinking about which man could be Christian Grey for me, and I think that besides Mr. Goslin, I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe David Boreanaz... 
Maybe it's because of the crush I've had on him since he played Angel on "Buffy The Vampire Slawyer", but I think he would be a choice, no?
Granted in "Bones" he tends to be a little goofy, but I've seen him in "Valentine", he played a meanie which I think he pulled off, so playing a good looking rich guy, with a kinky side could be possible...

Come on, look at him, he could pull Christian no?

In all honesty, I'm hoping that on Monday, Feb. 16th when I come ut of the movie theater, will be just as pleasantly surprised , as I've been for "The Outlander" - I wasn't too keen on the casting, and since the first moment I sat to watch the series, I've been hocked. 
Sam Heugham does a very nice rendition of what I think Jamie Frasier should be like.  I like the way he portrays him, and the production of that series is so nicely done, that it's a nice tribute to the books.

I will say this, I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of the actor they chose to play Grey.  He has some big shoes to fills, or should I say many imaginations to satisfy, so many women (and men, I'm sure) read the series and have thought about Christian Grey and visualized how he should look... Jamie Dornan, is a cute Irish pup that I don't know at all, I've never seen anything he's been in (I just looked up his filmography and there was nothing).

Looking at this picture, that is not how I envisioned Mr. Grey. At all. Yes, he's good looking but I guess it will all be in his delivery.  I won't even say anything about the girl.  I will wait for next week.

Friday, February 06, 2015

That shitty time of year again...

Since I have a tendonitis in my right shoulder, and pain is actually a daily occurrence,  I've been feeling crappy and crabby to say the least.  I've seen my osteo, which helps for a few days after treatment but the pain never truly goes away.  Last visit I had with her, she suggested to see an acupuncturist for pain management, so I contacted the little man I know.  I've seen him twice in the last two weeks, the first treatment really helped my arm's mobility, and yesterday's treatment was so painful it messed me up bad.  Today it does feel better, but I just can't wait for pain to be gone!!

To add to my shitty feelings, the weather has been crap - so fucking cold, my face looks like a shedding lizard, and this time of year is ALWAYS crap for me,  S.A.D. kicks in full blown.  Despite my "happy light" and "happy pills", there's always rougher days than others. So, when adding physical pain to it all, it's bad...

Good thing is I'm busy, between work and my postcards, I don't have time to get bored.  Between the official cards and some random act of smileness I basically get  cards on a daily base.  I love it.  Today I actually received an envelop from Gyor in Hungary from a man who lives there.  Turns out he had sent a request to join a (closed) group I manage on Bacefook for Canadian Postcrossing users, and when I saw that he was from Gyor, HU - which is the village my mother in law was from, I sent him a message asking him if he wanted to swap with me (since I wouldn't let him in the group).  We exchanged a few messages, I've sent him a card from here - which he liked and today I've received these cuties:
Baroque city of Gyor, HU

Budapest, HU
Seeing this reminds me that we WILL have to see Hungary before we're too old to travel!  Last time Hubby was there was in 1991, and I've never been, so we'll have to get our ducks in a row and go!

Today, I was informed that a member of our group (in Postcrossing Canada) is quitting.  I respect her decision, but I'm sad to see her go as she was one of the good and fun ones.   Do you ever have this feeling that things are crumbling around you, slowly?  Ever feel like the you're losing some good friends because they're moving or even worst they died? Or simply losing touch with someone you thought was closer than they actually were, since the tie broke (easily) since they had kids, or met someone new?  I hate seeing this and even more feeling it.  I know it's life, I've been around and seen it many times, doesn't mean I have to like it now, does it?

Saturday, January 24, 2015

I had a dream...

Postcrossing has been very present in my life in the last year.  I got more involved, I've been sending more and receiving more as well.  I've attended and organized meetups, those meetings where we meet others nuts just like us about postcards.  We all have different reasons to start (and continue) this snail mail journey.  For some it is to meet new people, one postcard at the time, others it is because of a collection, for some it is their way to travel to see the world, but whatever the reason we love postcards.

Because I am the way I am, upon a suggestion, I created a group, for Canadian Postcrossing members on Bacefook.  There are a few groups for French speaking people and there is also one for Québécois,  so I thought having a place for us Canadians would be nice.  We could talk about our cards and our issues, etc. with other Canadians.  It is after all a bigger market than Québec alone.  It wasn't about swaps, or trading, but more a place to go and meet other crazies about cards that might end up being close to us.  It started out well.  I went on a crazy invite fest, basically emailing all Canadian persons I would come across on Postcrossing. I wanted it to work, to be alive!  I will say this, it is going.  We are close to 200 members and it's not been a year yet since I started it.  I've thought  of games to do, to get people involved, of a monthly draw, across Canada using our motto "A mari usque ad mare" as the name of it, I made it ours and shared with all.  I've had some rough times, and still do, when I have to refuse some because they were not Canadians.  I felt discriminatory, but at the same time my initial thought was "for and about Canadians".  I don't want to be closed minded;  I want to remain true to my vision. 

Like everything else in life, things change.  I'm good with that, and I welcome change, I think it keeps us on our toes.  Does that mean I want the purpose of the group to change?  Not really.  I still aim for a place where people will be comfortable enough to ask those "stupid" questions (I write "stupid" because often when we don't know something we think it's stupid), you know like how do I look for a specific user on Postcrossing or where can I get good cards in such a city, a place to share their stats with others about how many cards they have received in the month, or bitch about the price of stamps, etc.  I felt taken aback when some members would only post pictures of cards they wanted to trade, not ever writing a comment or anything just offering trades.  It started slow, once in a while, and then it got to more.  I had to intervene, since I didn't want that to be the only thing on the wall of the group.  Some people did complain about it, I'd say as many from those who wanted to trade as from those who didn't want to be bombarded with offers to trade.  I did try to go about it smoothly, offered other venues, like the Postcrossing Forum is a great place for such, suggested to do it by messages, etc.  It rocked the boat.  To be honest, my true nature (and if you know me IRL, you do know this) came rushing back and simply wanted to remove some from the group, but I also believe that this is now our group, so I tried different options - I wasn't about to become a dictator because of a few people, even if the urge was tickling me big time!

That died down some, but I have to keep reminding people every so often that trades should be made elsewhere. I don't like doing it, but like even less seeing those posts. But like many things in life, when it's not one thing it's another, right?  The past few weeks, actually even before Christmas, I saw some posts that made me wonder.  I know that some people have a visceral need to bitch and moan about nothing and everything.  They are simply miserable when things are smooth, they need commotion in order to feel alive or something.  I've reach a point in my life, where I try to avoid drama. Oh, don't get me wrong, I will not walk away from a good fight, if there is a need for me to fight.  Kumite is in me.  No doubts whatsoever about that! I'm confrontational and I totally assume it, but I will not provoke an argument for the sake of provoking.  I will ask questions, I will do perception check and ask why someone is being rude, or what the problem is, and if I'm attacked I will defend myself without hesitation.  Often my husband will tell me to drop it, whatever it may be, and I rarely do.  I will address the issue then move on. That is my way.  In every aspects of my life.

Because the group is getting bigger, the variety of it kicks in every so often.  Not everyone share the same opinions, and that's the part I enjoy, the differences, but I'm realizing that for some the difference of opinions means something more.  I agree that people can disagree, that one can't please everyone, that we're all entitled to our opinions, blah, blah, blah,  but it comes a time in ones life when one realizes that life is short and that we should enjoy it.  When I see people getting upset about futile things like a blank profile or a receiving a card that doesn't match their profile, I can't help and wonder the importance of Postcrossing in their lives.  When I get a blank profile I see it as an occasion to send any card I like or not.  When I get a card that I really don't understand why it was sent to me, since I don't care about dinosaurs (as an example), I'm thinking maybe the sender did really like dinosaurs and wanted to share his liking.  I will thank him the same way I would any other members.  Since I've started Postcrossing, I only got one "empty" message from someone on 365 cards registered, so overall I'd say members are quite polite ans respectful.  I've had more issues with some members of the group than on Postcrossing directly, granted with Postcrossing it is often limited to a one shot deal. I understand that we all have frustrations, and we all express them in different ways.  Some will take the direct approach and will voice their opinions, others will walk away without saying anything, and some will observe.

I believe that in everything we do we have a choice.  Unless you have a gun pressed against your head, you ALWAYS have a choice.  You may not have the guts to make that choice, you may not have the strength or the will to take that first step towards that choice, but we always have a choice.  When I felt that my parents rules were too much for me, I moved out.  When I felt that I wasn't having the same interest or passion about something, I've looked for something else.  When I thought that things weren't going the way I felt they should I did something about it.  I don't understand how someone can be unhappy, miserable or upset and choose to stay.  I've asked people to come aboard and never thought I've had to ask people to leave.  If you're not happy with what is being done in/for/with this group, then go.  Start your own group and stop bringing everyone down.  I've once told my mother who complained about my father's past behavior that the moment she decided to stay with him she relinquished her right to bitch about him.  She had made a choice, and now had to assume the consequences of her decision.  It's the same for this group.  You decided to become a member.  You don't like the way it's run, or the games we play, then leave.  I'm not holding anyone down.  I will not like to lose members, but if it is an unhappy member maybe it will be for the better of the group.

This group was created with good intentions, lots of ideas and expectations.  I'm proud of it and I truly enjoy it.  I don't want this to become a bore or even a chore.  There are some really cool people among the group and I truly wish that we find a middle path where we can shoot the shit about our empty mail boxes and not getting any rare countries in so long, and those damn expired cards, and not waste so much valuable time about piddly little things.  We should embrace our differences, and rejoice in the fact that we can send postcards to complete strangers who get a kick out of our card, or not, but no matter what it was fun...  'cause after all Postcrossing is:

The goal of this project is to allow people to receive postcards from all over the world, for free. Well, almost free! The main idea is that: if you send a postcard, you will receive one back from a random Postcrosser from somewhere in the world.
Why? Because, like the founder, there are lots of people who like to receive real mail.
The element of surprise of receiving postcards from different places in the world (many of which you probably have never heard of) can turn your mailbox into a box of surprises - and who wouldn't like that?

Something to remember on my way to get the mail, surprises are way better than bills any day of the week, right? Right! 

Sunday, January 18, 2015

What he said!

Tonight we watch "John Wick" with Keanu Reeves; and one thing that struck me during the movie "it wasn't just a fucking dog" - the whole movie about seeking vengeance from the killer of his dog, it all made sense to me!

Recently there has been tensions between my mother and one of her brothers, her favorite one with whom she has been moose hunting for years,  and all related to her beau.  This year, while hunting my uncle got drunk and actually told my mother's beau that he didn't like him, point blank.   Let's just say that didn't go over that well.   Mom no longer wants to see nor talk to her brother.   At Christmas, the issue became a topic of conversation and I felt I just had to say something about it all. I did tell my mother and the beau my uncle had a right not to like him.  We didn't have to like him even if she did.  We weren't dating him, she was.   She was a little surprised by that, and eventually agreed.

The one thing I did not say was that I, too, don't really like the man.  I am thankful for him being in my mom's life because he's keeping her busy and it means I don't have to, but other than that I couldn't care less about him. Why you ask?  Well,  let me tell you!

They had come over one afternoon, and while here Tobi (our old kitty) got up from his bed and made his way to his food, slowly and cracking every steps he took. The beau then said: "if you want, I can take it outside and ring its neck... it would only take a minute"  I was flabbergasted.   I did manage to ask him how he could ask me such a thing.  His answer was: "Well, it's old!"  When I asked him if he would do the same to my mother when she would be too old and cracked when walking?  He laughed it off.

How dare him asking me such a heartless question,  when Tobi had been in our lives for 18 years?  He wasn't just a fucking cat, he was our cat!

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Auf Wiedersehen 2014

I can't believe, as I sit here, that we're on the Eve of 2015... what a year this has been.

I just had a look at how many times I've posted in 2014 and it was about once or twice a month... pretty sad considering I used to write daily. I guess Bacefook really took over my time. That and Postcrossing. I've been postcard crazy this past year.

Looking at my stats on their site, I've sent to 32 countries in 2014, 164 cards were registered (oh man, I just did a quick calculation of how much that represents in stamps alone, and... ouch!!), but I've actually sent 174 of them.  I've also received from 32 countries, 155 cards.  That is not even considering all the others cards I've been sending through Round Robins, swap, and games, etc. because I've sent well over another 350 cards (especially since we took some vacation with our trips in Hawaii, and then Vegas) - crazy!!

I have no idea really how many I've received total, but I can tell you it's a lot.

At the beginning of 2014 I had prepared a jar in which I would drop a note about anything good which happened during the year so that when I was going through a rough patch I could open it and read a note to cheer me up.  I did open the jar a few times during the year.  It did bring a smile to my face to re-read some of my special days.  I think I will continue to add to this jar.  It's an easy thing and I think it is worth the little efforts it entails.

I wish I could say that I've pulled up my big girl panties and have been working less, but I haven't.  For whatever reason, that situation is still the same.  I get high moments of frustration, but also do get some satisfaction out of it, so I try to remind myself not to care and to do what I'm paid for.  The caring I do too much of, is on me as a client often reminds me. 

It feels, as I sit here and look at my calendar that unlike before (I don't know when exactly, maybe when I was in school or something) time never stops, there is no time off anymore, I'm always on, and I think that is what is getting to me.  I never completely disconnect.  Whenever I leave for X time, there is double the work when I come back, so the little benefit of going anywhere are washed away right away upon my return. 

I can only hope that this new year ahead will bring some way for me to unplug, to be happy with what I have and enjoy every day the sun rises.  I take this opportunity to wish you, dear blends, a great year ahead and may it be filled with health, love, peace and money to enjoy it all.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

It might be time to walk away...

I've been toying with the idea of retiring or should I say doing what was the initial plan when Hubby and I created our company: to do our books and that's that.  A part of me feels guilty and don't like the idea of being a woman at home (with no kid) and feeling like I'm not pulling my weight.  Hubby has been telling me to ditch clients for months.  I did drop a few here and there, but have kept others.

We took one week off, and since I feel really overwhelmed and despite some serious efforts still not seeing the load getting lighter.  Plus to add to this yucky feeling, I'm not even doing the things I really do enjoy.  I don't have time.  I try to catch a bit here and there, spend some time with Hubby watching the shows we both like, and even that while sitting there I feel fidgety when I think that I should be invoicing or doing some bank reconciliation for a client or another.  It sucks!

I know it's all me.  I chose to get clients, and to keep them. It's me.  I just can't let go.  Is it only my need to feel needed, my ego for not wanting to be one of those housewives, the fact that I (guess) do care about what others think?  I don't know.  I just know that I need to get off, I'm starting to feel nauseous as I'm typing this.  I'm afraid to be lazy, even if I do know that I am, but to stop "working" would be like giving full freedom to my laziness.  I would rather be sick.  Weird to realize that I'm doing this to myself. 

I've never felt overwhelmed like I do the past few weeks.  I look at my desk, and it's a mess.  There are papers everywhere. I think I'm going to crash again, and this time I have no excuse; I see myself going, I see how I'm driving this boat and I know I'm going to crash it.  I have to do something.  I thought a week away, in the sun, would help, but I'm thinking it might have been the kick in the ass I needed to drop out.  To let go.  I've been told not to care, that as long as I'm being paid who cares what clients do.  I wish I could not care.  I do.  I've tried to turn off my emotions, like they say in vampires show, and yet, it doesn't seem to be working.  I'm no vampire, that's for dammed sure, even if I've been living at nights lately. 

I have to let go.  Something has to give and I KNOW it is me.  For my sanity, among other things.  I don't like feeling this way, so I will do something... Why do I feel like I'm about to throw up just thinking of which client I could let go of... why do I feel this lump in my throat as if it's something really scary?  I really don't like this.  It's all me.  I get that.  Now how do I pull the plug?!...