Je le fais ou je ne le fais pas?!

Je ne sais plus à combien de jour j'en suis rendue, car il me semble que ça fait un bout que je suis à la maison.  Je ne m'en plains pas, j'aime être chez nous - une chance puisse que je travaille de la maison et suis presque toujours là même sans restrictions dues à la pandémie - j'ai la chance d'être en santé, à la maison avec l'internet, la télé et tous plein de trucs à faire, alors je suis bien. L'isolement n'a pas changé grand chose à mon quotidien, sauf pour mes deux soirs de méditation, le reste est pas mal pareil. Oh, et le fait que le mari est aussi à la maison! Le juré est encore en délibération à savoir si c'est mieux ou pire...

Blague à part, j'aime bien avoir de la compagnie même si j'apprécie beaucoup être seule, comme durant les semaines ou il était aux Açores.  Ce qui est différent est le fait que lorsque je sors à l'extérieur de chez nous, je me sens sur le qui-vive, je n'ai pas peur mais je vois les gens autour de moi et comment certains sont inconscients, voir même insousiants. Ça ça me fait peur!  En ce moment j'entend le mari tousser, et ça aussi ça me fait peur, de penser qu'il pourrait être atteint car contrairement à moi lui sort, c'est lui qui va à l'épicerie, qui fait face aux lignes d'attentes, etc.  Il dit que ce n'est rien d'anormal pour lui cette toux, je l'espère... le temps nous le dira.

Cette semaine, ma coiffeuse et amie m'a téléphonée pour m'offrir un kit de teinture qu'elle préparerait et que je pouvais passer prendre (sans contact) chez elle.  J'ai appréciée l'appel, surtout que j'ai besoin d'un rendez-vous. Ma dernière visite au salon fut le 12 février, pour une couleur et coupe. Je prends habituellement un rendez-vous aux cinq ou six semaines. Depuis quelques mois je jongle avec l'idée d'arrêter la teinture.  Ma coiffeuse était bien excitée par l'idée, j'avais même pris un rendez-vous, cet automne, pour me faire bleacher la tête avant de passer au gris/blanc, car j'ai beaucoup de cheveux blancs ou gris, mais la journée même j'ai changé d'idée et ai fait faire ma couleur habituelle.  J'en avais parlé avec quelques personnes et les avis étaient très partagés.  J'ai eu la trouille et j'ai couvert le pâle avec mon brun régulier.  C'est l'idée du bleach qui m'a déragée et je n'avais et n'ai toujours pas vraiment l'intention de faire pousser le gris.  Je ne veux pas avoir l'air de ça...

Je me doute bien que je n'aurai pas la même allure puisque mes cheveux sont courts, mais quand même, l'idée du deux tons comme ça ne me tente vraiment pas.

Lors de ma conversation téléphonique avec ma coiffeuse, je l'ai remercié de son offre mais j'ai décidée de passer mon tour.  J'ai déjà une bonne repousse, mais le pire pour moi est la longeur. J'ai le toupet dans les yeux et mes cheveux sont épais alors j'ai chaud.  Cette semaine j'ai commencé à mettre un bandeau pour retirer mon toupet.  Hier j'ai mis des barrettes.  Une chance que je ne sors pas de la maison, car j'ai vraiment l'air de quelqu'un qui est souffrante à la maison.

Il y a quelques semaines j'ai lu un article sur une artiste locale qui avait relevée le défi des têtes rasées et elle est vraiment belle...

Je n'ai pas 30 ans (si elle a ça!), ni son visage, mais l'idée d'avoir les cheveux courts comme ça me parle.  Cette idée me parle depuis la première fois que j'ai vu Annie Lennox avec sa brosse et ses cheveux orange.  Ça date, hein?

Avouez qu'elles ont de la gueules quand même. J'ai demandé au mari se qu'il pense de mon idée d'éviter les repousses deux tons en me rasant la tête... disons que l'idée n'a pas fait fureur.

Il a (surement) pensé à quelque chose comme ceci...

J'y ai aussi pensé, mais au pire, si je rate je peux toujours continuer pour quelque chose comme elle...

Mais au fond, ce que je veux c'est juste ça...

Qu'en pensez-vous?

Yay or Nay?

Really? Already?

I knew this day was coming, not only did I know but I could see it. Was I ready for it?  Not really? I am not ready for it at all!  Wondering what I'm talking about? Well, you know?  It's that time of the month...

 Oh!  I don't mean that time, no, please!  No, no, it's just time for me to get a haircut!

Since we've first talked about doing this thing in Norway, one of the (many) things I thought of was my hair.  It (most likely) may be a women thing, but I've been faithful to my hairdresser.  I've been seeing her since 1999.  Even after we've moved downtown, I've kept going back to her in the West-Island.  I like what she does. She changes my color, the cut and yes sometimes it is a little funky, but I've often said it: I change what I can easily do, and my hair is one, plus it does grow back, so it's all good.  When Hubby talked about this "move", we both agreed that it was long enough that both of us would have to commit, and by that, we would have to find a hairdresser.  He gets his hair cut every four to five weeks.  I get mine done every six weeks.  Hubby and I shopped for him.  We walked around and went by feel mostly.  He also wasn't willing to pay too too much, especially since his regular cuts are about $25.00 back home.  He managed to find a barber, a little shop not far from our flat.   It cost him 250.00 NOK, which is about $40. The guy did a nice job, different from his regular crew cut, but nice.

Just before we went for our weekend in Oslo, I thought of giving a try to a salon next door.  I guess I'm not as loyal for my waxing as I am for my hair.  Or maybe it is me not being as chicken?  No matter what, I made an appointment and went for a waxing.  The lady I was assigned was nice.  She was also Sami (native of Norway).  She did it quickly and all was well.  It cost me 395.00 NOK for a half-leg, which is about $66.00.  Back home it cost me $25.00 for half-leg and bikini.  I didn't ask for the bikini, wonder how much extra that would have been.

I need to get my color done, and I'm not worried about that; as long as my grey is covered it will be good.  For the cut that is another thing.

In my younger days before I had a regular hairdresser, I've ended up looking like a poodle, too curly and so puffy - I think anyone you went through the 80s looked like this at one point or another - everything that could be wrong was wrong.  Now with short hair I know the worst that can happen is that it's cut too short, but then again, the last two visits back home, the back and sides of my hear were almost shaved so, it can't be that bad, right?  Right!  My bangs could be chopped off and that would be bad, even if they will grow back, I like my bangs!  If they're crooked that can always be corrected, but once cut there's no much to be done, but wait...

So, tomorrow I will walk around and try to find a frizør - there are so many of them around, one at almost every corner around the Sentrum - that might be just why I'm concerned... why so many salons?  And they all look like the places like my mother goes to... which is scary.  Call me snob, I don't care - I am, I assume it! - but when a place has posters hanging on their walls which look like that girl above, I know it's not the place for me.  Hubby told me to go feel the different places, I've spotted a few, so tomorrow will be the time for me to address that time of the month thing and go for it!  Wish me luck!

... only life to be lived with respect and duty...

I need to vent, and being alone at home, doesn't fill out the requirements to vent properly, so I'm posting! If you have the pleasure (ah!) of having met me, I'm not even thinking of knowing me, just having met me is plenty, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm blunt. Hubby says I'm confrontational and he's right. I will ask the hard question when need be, because I want to know.  I'm that way.  I like that about myself.  I ask when I'm not sure and (most of the time) I can deal with the answer.  It may not be the answer I was hoping for, but I got an answer and that is all I wanted.  I give people the same.  If asked a question, rest assure you will get an answer.  You may not like it, but you'll know where you/we stand.

That being said, in a recent post I wrote that I hated liars. I do.  I have no respect for cowards either.  I can excuse someone's lack of maturity if in their twenties, but someone my age not so much.

As you (may) already know I've been Postcrossing for a few years now. I looooove postcards.  Love sending them and receiving them as well. Postcrossing is fun.  It's a nice addiction, because it is.  Like through blogging, you meet people along the way, people who share the same interest, people with whom you create some bonds.  Some are tighter than others, but it's all good.  We all share in the pleasure of the activity (whatever it may be).

Last year, I've attended a meet-up, here in Montreal, where I've met people sharing the same craziness.  It was fun and the people were nice.  Through Bacefook we've exchanged, created different types of bonds, it was all fun and games, really.

Attended another one this Spring, quite smaller (we were only 5 people) but it's a nice bunch.  At the end, I spoke with two ladies attending about maybe attending another meet in Toronto this summer.  It was another pleasant encounter.  A few weeks later I see a post in a Bacefook group from one of the ladies asking who would be willing to attend a mini-meet with another guy who can rarely get away to attend the meets in Montreal due to his work.  All usual suspects answered they couldn't (it was a little short notice), but I answered I would be interested and even volunteered to drive to the meet, since the two ladies don't have a car.  I didn't hear anything back from them.  I assumed the meet wasn't happening.

A few weeks later I see in another Bacefook group posts being posted from people thanking the ladies for cards they've received from their mini meet.  My first reaction was being taken aback.  Then, being the pitbull I am, I've decided to say something to the two ladies.  I wrote them a quick little message saying that I was seeing multiple posts about their mini-meet with that guy and was wondering if it was the one they had posted about and for which I had written I was interested to attend but never heard anything back?  Neither of them responded.  Not a peep, squat.

Honestly, I was pissed off but I think I was more hurt to be "pushed aside" without any explanation.  If they wanted to meet with that guy alone, that was fine, they should have said so (and not ask anything).  In the following weeks, I've noticed they weren't as present as they were once.  They would comment in one group, but be completely silent in others.  I've decided to announce I would be attending the Toronto meet.  Didn't hear anything from them.  I even tried asking one, and her answer was somewhat general.

Yesterday morning, I announce the winner of a little game and neither of them commented (nor had participated) within seconds the guy announces the winner of a draw he did and one of the lady comments.  I go on her profile to realize that my paranoia isn't all in my head, she de-friended me and she's no longer in the group I manage!  What the Hell?!  I send her a message asking her what is wrong and if I'd done something to upset her.  It took her three hours before answering me, saying it had nothing to do with me, she just did a little clean up erasing about 80 people so that she could better manage her time and wished me a good meeting in Toronto.  I had also asked the other lady, who told me she'd been busy with work, blah, blah... and would explain more in a few hours.  She did.  She felt that she'd put in lots of effort into one group to no avail and because her English isn't that good she didn't feel like investing in another group, so she decided to be less involved all together except in her personal life. 

My intentions were to send both of them cards from the Toronto meet, to be a grown-up about it all, but after reading the first lady's answer I felt like they should both go fuck themselves.  I don't want to waste time on stupidities like these, about people with so little self-respect who haven't grown up enough to act like mature adults and have the balls to call a cat "cat"... I will not lie, I was hurt, but at this very moment, I'm over it. I'm letting go of my anger, since it would only be a waste of energy.

I enjoy Postcrossing, and going to Toronto for this meet, will be an experience no matter what.  It will be my first visit there, Hubby will be with me, and we'll be traveling by train, another first for me.  I won't let those two women put a damper on my enthusiasm.  They don't like me and my attitude?  Oh well, too bad, so sad!  It is their problem, not mine.  My hands are clean and I can hold my head high, I didn't do anything wrong.  I've been true to myself, to my best self.

No matter what I fuck up!

Strange how sometimes even the best intentions turn against you...  For over eight years I've been going to a meditation group.  Every years there's always a big Christmas celebration.  I've attended every year.  I was glad to do so.  Over the eight years span I had to make choices between attending clients' celebration or my group's.  My group always had priority.  It still does, except that for being a business operator I can not always neglect my clients, especially when it is my best one.

This year, on this coming Saturday, we had not one, not two, but three parties on the same night.  I had to make a choice and decided to attend my client's this year.  It wasn't an easy choice, and somehow still feel a little weird about it, but I couldn't be at two places at once and after last year fiasco of trying to do two parties on the same night, I've decided to only do one, fully.

My client's party will be a big fiesta, that much I know.  He loves to throw parties.  My group's party will be a little more cosy and I would get a bunch of candies.  I know, it is childish of me, be I loved that part of the party!  It's fun and we laugh a lot.

Since I won't be there for the "pinata" aspect, I had asked the girl who introduced me to this group if she would collect some candies for me.  She had agreed.  Tonight, the teacher asked me if I had asked someone to collect my gifts, etc.  I said, in front of the whole group, that I had asked Miss D. After the class, as I'm getting ready to leave, Miss M. comes to me and tells me that since Miss D isn't really comfortable with being there that evening anyway, she would love to collect candies for me.  I felt stuck.  I don't really know why, but I did.  I didn't want to upset her by saying no, and I know she's right about how Miss D feels about that whole evening, so I told her to go ahead and to collect candies for me on Saturday.

As I made my way to the door, Miss D was waiting for someone, so I told her that she should forget about my candies.  Miss M had offered, etc., etc.  Miss D was pissed, I could see it.  She was upset that Miss M didn't mind her own business and I guess she was upset at me as well.

Since I've been home I've sent her a text apologizing for my lack of back bone in saying no to Miss M, and really insisted on not wanting to upset her and asked her if we were OK.  She thanked me for the gift I'd given her (since I won't be there on Sat.)  and asked what she could say...

Damn it!  I didn't think and something simple became not so simple, because I didn't have the gull to tell one person to mind their business... shit!

I admit it, I've done it.

An uncle of mine used to royally piss me off when he would talk about women.  He had (and probably still does) such a misogyny way to talk about women in general.  Let's just say he didn't think very highly of women in general, especially those younger than him.  He would often used very derogatory words, and at times, my mother would remind him that he had daughters and that it was his job to make sure they didn't turn out the way he would describe women in general.  He had very old fashion ideas about the role of women in society and like many men of his generation, could be very stubborn.  The decibel levels in that kitchen whenever the adults would have discussions about younger generations would reach new heights every single time.  I've seen my aunt being so frustrated with him, cousins leaving, or crying because they were so upset.  I also think, looking back, he had fun driving them that way.  I never questioned myself if he really disliked women or if it just his way to talk. He knew how to rattle cages, that much I do know.

I remember one thing he had talked about, I was in my early twenties, and how upset my cousin got.  He was arguing with her that women used sex and their sexuality as a weapon.  At the time, I thought he was wrong, and argued along side my cousin against her father and his arguments.  But somehow he had seeded a little question in my mind.  As I grew older, and gained more life experience (let's call it that, OK?) I've come to realised uncle Pete had a point.  A very valid point actually.  Women, do use sex as a powerful tool or weapon or whatever else they want.  Think about it.  We (women) may not want to admit it, but it is a fact...

 How many times have we heard of wives penalising their husbands by withholding sex?  I do know the opposite is true and does happen as well, but for this post, I will only write about the games we, women, play.

If a woman wants sex she can have it, unlike a man.  Take for example, the woman who walks into a bar and has decided  that tonight she won't be going home alone, the odds are on her side.  A woman who "puts out" will get lucky. Men can't say the same.  Because of that women do have a very powerful tool, and most women know how to use it.  Some of us don't want to use their sexuality as a mean to get what they want, and that's fine, but how often do we see (on TV and in life) wives playing the "you'll get some" with their husbands when they want their men to do something?  The worst thing is we ALL know this and yet the games go on.  True, men have a very weak fault, they don't often think with their bigger head, they let their little one take over thus making easier for us.

A woman who truly wants sex (I am talking about sex, not love, nor relationship) she can get some. She will always find a man willing, and this no matter how she looks.  She may not get Channing Tatum in her bed, but still, she will get what she wanted, i.e. sex.  This subject came to me when I read a post about a woman wanting sex.  Getting sex, I think, is easy,  if you're single and feeling horny, you will find a willing partner I'm pretty certain of that.  If you're not single, then it's another story, but then again it all depends of the relationship you have.

I'm not even going to say anything about the double standards, those are there, they're not right, and yet like many other things in life, that's just the way it is.