Never Thought I'd Do That...

I apologize in advance if there's more typos than usual in this post, since I'm typing with tears rolling down my face...  I just called a great-aunt, the last sister of my grand-mother (maternal side), who's ninety-five years old, to wish her well and tell her I love her lots as tomorrow morning she will get her wish and will go "see her mom".  She picked her day, her time and requested to stay home for it surrounded by a doctor, her son holding her hand under a blanket with photos of all her grand-kids and great grand-kids.  She says she's ready; she's not changing her mind, she's done her time.  She has no quality of life anymore, the doctors told her they couldn't do anything else for her and she decided it was her time...

Aunt P. has always been a favorite of mine; she loved life, knew how to enjoy it and was already ready for a good laugh.  I remember her when I was a kid, going shopping with her, and having fun.

She liked to party, I have many memories of family moments where she would party hard... she smoked for many years too.  She was a Bingo addict.  I tagged along some bingo nights with my grand-mother and her... She was a gambler.  When the Casino opened in town, she was a regular.  Her partner was one as well, so they lived life, smoking, drinking and playing... and arguing.  She was quite stubborn, a known trait of that side of the family, and she was a good person.  For me she was.  She was more a grand-mother to me than her sister really was...

In 1991, around this time of year, I decided I've had enough and "announced" to my then boyfriend, with whom I'd been living for a few years, that I was moving out.  I started looking for an apartment, a place of my own, that I could afford on the salary I was making at the time. It had to be cheap too because I had car payments to do on my Corolla.  I've started visiting places, looking for "the place".  I don't remember how it came about but she contacted me to let me know the place above where she'd been living for over twenty years was available, and she could talk to the landlord.  Long story short, I met with the landlord and rented the place.  It wasn't new, far from it, it needed a lot of love, but the price was perfect and I wouldn't be completely alone.  Aunt P. would be downstairs.  After some work and lots of money I moved in. I lived there for over two years.  It was my place.  We had the exact same layout, and I was right above her.  As soon as the nicer days would arrive she would bring her rocker out on the balcony and sit there for hours.  I would see her almost daily, either as I was coming in or going out.  She mind her own business and I appreciated that immensely.  I would have dinner with her every so often, and she was always welcoming and listening without judgement.  We would laugh a lot together.   I was broke at the time, really, ate more Kraft Dinner than I care to remember... At first most of my money went on improving the place, and decided to wait to get appliances.  I would "refrigerate" my things between the two doors leading to my balcony and when it started to get warmer I would ask her if I could use some of their fridge space.  It happened more than once, that I would go down, asking for ice after a hard training at the dojo, and would go back up with frozen corn or strawberries because that was all she had frozen at the time.  When I couldn't afford a TV she decided to give me the one they had in their bedroom stating "we don't really watch it, we tend more to sleep". 

She loved to tease, to "Take the Mickey" as the Brits say out of me.  One weekend, after I had a "gentleman's visit" as I was coming down to run an errand, she was sitting outside.  As I said hi, she grinned and said:  "Well, that was a vigorous one... The ceiling light was swaying!"  I was shock.

Last October I went to visit her with my mother and my uncle.  We spent a few hours together, reminiscing the laughs, the jokes we've had done, her calling me "her old bag" since I turned thirty, because that year I had declared myself "an old bag" - she thought it was hilarious that I would self-decree that and started calling me that.  When we left that day, we said our farewells.  She'd told us her doctors had told her they couldn't do anything more for her.  She could go at anytime.  

Last Sunday, Hubby and I went to visit her one last time.  It was a short visit.  We sat with her and she told us that she had made her decision, her last one and was ready to go see her mom... She told us the day and time.  She was at peace with her decision and she insisted on the fact that she was proud of herself for making it.  She explained that since she couldn't do anything anymore, what was the point of her continuing, it was time for her to go.  She did live her life, she claimed she's been happy, she had a good life, but it was her time.  It was peaceful and it felt good to hear her say those things.  I thanked her for being there for me, for teaching me how to enjoy life and be courageous and told her I loved her.  She was thankful and oh so tired.  It showed.  Since then I've been thinking of her, of how she touched my life, and wanted to make sure to bid her farewell one last time... so I called her earlier and did.

I know she's lived her life fully, that she's ready, that her body is done and that it is her decision and I respect that, but in some ways it reminds me of my dad's passing... even if we talked about it and all, it wasn't easy.  I can't even imagine how she must feel, looking at her son and knowing that at this time tomorrow she won't be here...  It's so fucked up, my brain doesn't want to wrap itself around the fact that she's ready, and as she says "tired and relieved".  I understand it and know that is part of life, but yet, life sucks big times in moments like these.

May you feel your mother's embrace once again aunt P. and find solace.  Please keep an eye on me if you can, wherever you'll be. Love you and will miss you. 

Ta vieille sacoche

To See Past What It Looks Like

 It's been a long while since I last wrote here... Life has been keeping me busy, between my FIL drama (house sale, court case and him in general), every day life that just can't be smooth sailing all the way, and this damn Covid pandemic and covidiots are not really getting (any) better... life is taking its tole on me, I guess...  I did manage to spend some quality time with my mother.  Drove 1,300 km with her, helped her reconcile with one of her brothers, even did so ourselves to a certain extend.  There is something to be said to being locked up in a card for six plus hours at the time... we had time to talk, let's say!  I feel (more) at peace with her, and that's a good thing.  

Also celebrated a wedding anniversary (our 21st!) by taking a little road trip to Québec City with Hubby and staying there three nights.  We stayed right in Old Québec, great location, parked the car once and walked around the rest of the time.  We happened to be there along with a friggin' heat wave and oh so humid!  Neither one of us could remember sweating this much without ANY training involved, it was hot! Because of the pandemic, every stores and restaurants were short staff, and it showed.  It was our first time out really in almost two years, especially to restaurants.  The hotel where we stayed, Le Priori, was nice, but I must say that for the price (over $300/night, with breakfast) I was somewhat disappointed. 

The room was nice, and we both enjoyed it, but given its shape, a long room, the wall mounted AC unit wasn't enough so there was another (floor) unit at the other end of the room, which turned out to be by the headboard of the bed.  That thing had a compressor, a loud compressor, that woke me almost every fucking time it turned on.  The first night was the worst, I would jump in bed.  The other nights, I guess that all my walking around in the heat made me more tired and I would still wake up but not jumped as much.  The real disappointing thing was the breakfast.  We got a cardboard box delivered to our room, containing a yogurt, a hard boiled egg, a piece of cheese, an apple, a little bread and three bite size pastries, with a tea or coffee.  For three days in a row.  Because of Covid? Really?  Almost all restaurants around there were opened, so why couldn't they serve breakfast, have it catered or something, rather than these airplane meals lookalike? Oh, and we had no maid services.  We would have to put our towels in a bag by the door and someone would pick it up and return it with fresh ones.  We made our own bed, and took out our dirty dishes.  I understand the Covid issues, but then if they can't offer the services they charge us for they should review their prices accordingly.  The location was great, but NOT worth the price we paid for what we got.  Still happy I went, it was a nice change of scenery and I must say, to my surprise, I enjoyed Québec City.

Health wise, it's been interesting.  Had a tooth ache a while back, saw my dentist (in April) and she referred me to an endodontist, which I managed to see in July!  Talk about emergency! Anyway...  After special xrays, I was told I had an infection at the root of a tooth which had a root canal years ago and a crown.  He said he would have to redo the root canal but didn't have to remove my crown, he could go through it.  My appointment was scheduled for end of August.  It wasn't a pleasant treatment, at one point he pushed hard and actually poke at my sinus.  Not pleasant at all.  But what was worst was after... man oh man, did it hurt.  I was on antibiotics and pain killers for over a week.  When that started to feel better, I started having issues with an UTI.  Another round of antibiotics, but that worked fast, thank God!  Over a week ago I went back to the endodontist for him to finish off the treatment, close up everything.  I was still feeling something so he decided to be cautious and re-cleaned it all and would see me in a few more weeks, just to be sure.  I was to be expecting some discomfort, but was I in for a treat!  Worst pain ever! More painkillers and as of three days ago back on another antibiotics, this one Cortisone based.  Happy to write that it seems to be doing the trick.  No more pain!  It is unbelievable how toothache hurts and affects everything from mood, patience, and everything else.  I'm a little concerned how it will actually be post the next (and final, hopefully!) treatment. I guess time will tell...

Yesterday I watch a movie/documentary called: In and Of Itself with/by Derek DelGaudio.

Wow!  I laughed, I cried and I will watch it again.  Do yourself a favor, take an hour and a half, and watch it. 

Maybe I'm going through an existentialist moment, but this illusionist touched me...  Or maybe it is because it touched something in me that rings so true, like that I'm not only what you see, but also many other things that you will never see...  Trust me, watch it, you won't regret it.

Falling out of...

 ... friendship - that's like falling out of love, but with friends.  That happens too. 

The past few weeks, I've been having dreams about people I chose not to have in my life anymore.  At some point, in the past, I made this very conscious decision to not have these specific people around.  I have given them enough, may it be physically, monetary, energy or just time. I decided it was enough.  With some people it sorts of happened or happens naturally... we just drift apart.  One day you realize that you haven't seen then in a long while and you're ok with it.  And this is pre-Covid, when we still had the option to see and fraternize with people. You don't really miss them, nor think of them often.  Others, well, for me it was harder, since they had been part of my life for a long while, they had an important role in it, I thought of them as friends, and (for me) that is something.  But I clearly remember walking away.  No explanation were giving, nor asked for, it just happened and that was that.  

Like for any breakup, common friends will feel they have to choose a side.  Some do and they will ask what happened, etc.  Some will try to reconcile, try to mediate, when really there is nothing to mend...

It is not even a question of pride, ego or being stubborn.  I just reached my max of what I would tolerate, do and accept, and decided that was it.  

It did cost me. Lots.  I gave up on something that had been part of my daily activities for over twenty plus years.  Granted my body was needing a break from the abuse I was giving it, but like everything I tend to do in life, I went from black to white, from zero to sixty, when I decided it was over, I stop everything.

Having dreams about these people, where I'm interacting with them, and seeing them, churned things in me.  It disturbed me.  The situations in the dreams were strange, unreal, and yet, I felt wary, I even woke up feeling on edge, alert.  Thinking about it, I'm realizing that it is not like I stopped caring what happened to them even if I chose to remove myself from their environment.  I don't wish them harm.  I won't go visit them at the hospital but I'll pay my respect when the day come.

I'm wondering why I'm dreaming of them, what part of my brain triggered this?  Am I missing them, or is it because we've been confined for so long that I'm reminiscing? Whatever the reason is, it was strange to dream of them...  I'm also realizing that I don't want them back into my life, so that's good!

Today I had a strange experience with a neighbor's dog.  This lady was walking her dog, a BIG Bernese Bouvier, across the street.  As I was working on our evergreen, removing its winter covering, I felt like I was being stared.  I turned around to see this big beast sitting on the sidewalk, across the street, just starting at me.  The lady was pulling on his leash, but the dog wasn't moving.  He just sat there and stared.  I wave at him, and he got all excited.  The lady was having a hard time holding him back.  He wouldn't keep on walking, just sat there and would stare. 

It lasted a good five minutes or more.  I had time to uncover all four trees, go up to get a bag and bagged everything and the dog was still there, staring at me.  The lady then asked me if I was afraid of dogs.  Told her no, and asked if I could go see her dog.  As I crossed the street the dog got so excited, jumping up and down, pulling on his leash, and at over 130 lbs the lady was struggling.  When I got to him, he was whimpering, tale going 100 km/hour, and trying to jump on me.  He was presenting me his paws, pushing me with its head.  Boris was quite happy to meet me it seemed.  I ended up petting him, scratching him and getting gobs of drool over my pants.  The lady looked embarrassed and told me he never did that before...  If one believes in signs - and I do! - was this a sign that I should be getting that pooch?

One can help and wonder!  One thing for sure, no matter how sweet that big beast was, no way am I even thinking of a big dog.  I want a little one, like a Yorkie or Maltese... some pooch who won't shed too much or not at all!  I have to work on the Husband as I showed him some pictures of these little pooches, and he wasn't interested...  He says he's starting to warm up to the idea of a cat. Of course!  

It might be time...

 It's been a while since my last post, and even if I've often felt the need to write, I decided against it for various reasons like I didn't want to aggravate a situation, didn't want to share what I was really feeling, didn't know how to word it all, but today feels like it is the day for me to empty my thought bucket... it might be due to the fact that last night Hubbly and I had a good conversation, or the fact that it is a dreary day, or simply because deep down I am fed up of putting up with people's bullshit on a personal and professional level.  

According to Hubbly I put myself in situations where I will get criticized, and will be an easy target - he's right. (Shit!  Did I just admit this on the web for the world to see?  Oh well, shit does happen, right?) I do tend to join things like the condo committee or even better, me creating this Bacefook group for this postcards hobby of mine.  In doing so, I have to deal with people, many people.  And, I don't feel like it is my strong suit to deal with people.  I'm not anti-social I just have a VERY low tolerance to stupidity.  And having to deal with people it triggers that side of me a lot.  There comes a time when one has to ask themselves, is it time to call it quits, to walk away from it all?  

I think I'm reaching that point.  I've tried to be detached, to not take things personally, but after six years of managing a growing group (over 400 members), it is taxing on my mental, add to that this freaking pandemic and life throwing us some curve balls, and I see that little open door to leave as an invite, almost... 

The control freak in me doesn't want to let go, doesn't want to relinquish control, I see that clearly.  It was/is my baby, and I've put many, many hours into it for it to be an organized group.  I was told it was too structured, and yet I know that many like that aspect.  I know I can't please everyone, and somewhere I'm not trying to too much.  I try to make it easy for all and for me as well, and organization just comes naturally.  The idea of closing shop has been simmering for a while now, because having to deal with the drama and childish ways of many and their sense of entitlement and even many Dunning-Kruger Effect makes it all a heavy load to support. 

Plus to add to it all, we have to deal with Hubby's father situation.  The old man, he's 84, found himself in a real big mess from which we are working hard to get him out of.  All of his life he's had someone taking care of him (from his siblings, to his wife, to his girlfriend and now us) because on his own he is completely useless.  It is sad, really.  Yes he is old, but being old doesn't excuse being stupid and making bad decisions. Repeatedly. No, being old excuses him only so far.  I've had to use a lot of patience in my dealings with him, patience which is already running on low supplies.  Yesterday I had to spent part of the day dealing with the Airbnb host from whom we've rented an apartment for the past nine weeks, who wanted to basically kick my father-in-law out because he had not received the payment for the two weeks extension we had asked for in November. We had originally booked the apartment until November 30th, but because FIL's new place was to be ready in December, we asked the host to extend for the first two weeks of December, which he accepted.  I sent him a partial payment on November 19th to confirm the extension and didn't hear anything back until yesterday.  He sent me an email simply saying "I've received a reservation from Dec. 2nd to January 11th, and can't extent your stay.  Your reservation ends Nov. 30th."  I was surprised and wrote him back, asking for an explanation, etc.  It went on for over four hours, with me sending him proof after proof of the payments (made through PayPal/Visa), etc. for him to say that he never got any email from PayPal and that he couldn't access his account at the moment.  Let's just say, it is fixed for now, but man oh man, Airbnb might not be for me!

So, maybe it is the time of year, the cumulative of this past shitty year or whatever, but I really feel like I need a vacation, far away, where it will be sunny and warm and where nobody expect anything from me.  Having to deal with morons asking where they should put their garbage while standing in a garbage room is just too much for me.  I don't want to be patient anymore, or even try to be nice, I just feel like looking at them and say: 

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”
—Mother Teresa

This and That... mostly in front of the TV

Well hello there!  Fancy finding you here, or is that me?  Life is relatively good on this side of the screen.  I'm keeping busy with this and that.  Not always obvious, but it's good nonetheless.

Weather went from Fall to Summer back to Fall almost, in a matter of a week.  I went from legging to shorts and flip flops, with even a sun burn, thank you very much! -  back to legging with socks!  Last night we had a big storm, the summer kind, with thunder and lightning.  It had been a long time since I heard the gods this angry!

I haven't been watching the news much, so, I do know some black man was killed by a police officer while others were standing by, and that there was a walk with looting... that's all I know, and that's ok.  I'm saturated by it all.  By the media pushing down our throats all this bullshit no matter what its covering, the virus, the useless death of a man, the violence, all of it is just too much.  I saw the speech Killer Mike gave in Atlanta, so well spoken.  I don't agree with everything he said, but a lot of it made sense.  These are crazy times.  We are all feeling it on different levels, we're all affected and even infected by the craziness of it all.  Sad times really.

In order to escape our shitty reality, I asked Hubby to dig out my Harry Potter books, last week.  I'm already on book 3, and man oh man, I still love it!  So much imagination and like someone who sent me a Potter postcard wrote me recently, it would be nice to have such magic in our lives.   We've been watching a lot of television, some shows, caught a few (read quite a few) new series (like "Hunters", "Dead To Me", "Defending Jacob", "Dead Still", "A Discovery of Witches") and watched many movies.  Watched "The Art of Racing in the Rain", which I knew nothing about, but when I saw that Milo V. played in it I decided to watch it, and i cried! Lots!  I will try to find the book and read that. A good cry for sure, and I know, like always, the book will be way better than the movie!

Tonight, we watched "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas".  What a movie that was.  Yes it is about WWII, about the Nazis, but it made me (us, really!) think about those kids (on either sides), the wives and relatives of those officers, something I had never really thought of before...  That too, I will watch again.  Some movies felt like we were robbed of two hours we would never get back, but others, were worth the time to watch them for sure.  One that was weird was "I See You", twisted and yet, to think that someone could slip into our home, and live hiding in our house without us knowing... that is one scary thought!

In case you're wondering about my hair, it is growing (fast), so I've booked myself an appointment with my hairdresser (for when she will reopen) for a cut, but I haven't decided if I want to stay salt and pepper...  Some days I think, nah, don't like it, and others I don't care... so maybe once I have an actual cut (whatever she will be able to do with what I'll have by then) I won't mind the grey so much?  I always thought Jamie Lee Curtis looked great with her grey hair...

So who knows, maybe I'll like it too?  Started "socializing" some.  Went for a walk, with a freaking mask (because my friend insisted!) which I hate wearing BTW, and it was nice to talk to someone in front of me that wasn't my husband.  He's the one who goes out and does all errands, so I haven't seen many real people in the past few months, other than him.  I went out again, with another friend, also for a walk (that is when I got my sun burn), but without a mask this time.  We saw so many people, walking in cluster, no social distance at all, very few were wearing masks, and often those who were weren't wearing them correctly.  If you're going to put a mask on, then put it on you nose and mouth, not your chin or throat.  Like those morons who are alone in their car with a mask on... really?  Do they also wear a condom when masturbating?  Just as stupid!

This whole pandemic, real or not (many conspiracies theories out there) was a major clusterfuck on many levels.  It has affected not only our morals, but hurt everyone.  Our economy hurts and will hurt for some time, some businesses closed and won't reopen, it sucks on more level than one.  The worst of it all, is that we're being fed whatever the government and the Powers That Be wants us to "know" or "think" and that is scary.  We can have those numbers say what the heck we want, and make us fearful... a great way to control the mass... 

OK I will stop here, enough.  Stay safe people!

Co... co...coincidence? Hmm...

Oh wow, it's been a while since I last wrote.  Must be because February was such a short month, even with its extra day this year!

I've decided to write something because the Coronavirus/COVID-19 has reach the pandemic level, according to WHO.  It is scary shit when you think of all the ways it has been spreading, and yet, somehow, I can't help and think of how irrational we've become.

When I heard on the news that there was a riot at a Costco because people were stocking up on toilet paper, I had the same reaction as this meme...

When I heard about how to prevent infection, and spreading the virus, I pretty much felt like this little girl...

People are scaring me, really.  Can't help and wonder why do people freak out about this (don't get me wrong, it is serious as a virus can be), why is washing our hands or using a tissue or covering our mouth when sneezing in our elbow, or even stay home when ill is new to people.  There is nothing worst than having a coworker sick at work, spreading his/her germs all over.  I've always hated that, and have been avoiding those (sick) people for many years now. 

People are over reacting on many levels and worst of all are not consistent in their thinking (or lack thereof).  Picture this:  someone goes to class, twice a week, and there is about twenty people attending.  There's often one or two people sneezing or coughing during those hours sitting together. The news tell people to stay home, to avoid crowd.  When you see that professional hockey, baseball, soccer leagues are playing their games without any spectators one has to think this is serious.  Our St-Patrick's Day Parade, in Montreal,  has been postponed, our 197th edition!  Imagine that!  I've read on Bacefook that our borough has closed our library, sports and cultural centers until further notice, this is getting big.  So when a student ask a teacher if he/she can be excused due to the potential contamination happening in class, it makes sense, right?

But does it?  That same student will not stop going to restaurants, movie theaters, supermarkets, shopping centers or other public places where more than twenty people are, nor will he/she not use the public transports which are most likely used by more than twenty people per day.  For some strange reason that student won't think of that, and will be the first one to skip class because come on, wouldn't want to catch this terrible virus.

I've heard some racist comments about it all, and that too did not (really) surprise me.  It is sad to see places like in Rome without tourists, it looks like a ghost town. I guess overall we are lucky not to have had too many cases (yet).  Just read a headline that schools are closing today... It is getting really freaky PLUS it's on Friday the 13th...  is that a coincidence?

Stay safe people, stay home at worst (or best), working from home does have its advantages!

And don't forget to wash your hands and do not touch your face! But please, pretty please, do remain calm and try not to fret or worst, freak out.

Un mois déjà fini...

...comme le temps passe vite lorsqu'on s'amuse, ou lorsqu'on réalise son effet sur notre quotidien.  Peu importe la raison, nous sommes à quelques heures de fermer janvier, ce premier mois de l'an 2020. 

Déjà cette nouvelle année se veut quelque peu difficile, elle nous enlève de notre monde, ces gens qui font partis de notre quotidien, de près ou de loin.  Il y a environs deux semaines, je recevais un courriel d'une copine nous informant de l'état de santé de sa mère.  En lisant son message je n'ai pu faire autrement que de réaliser, une fois de plus, que malgré tout nos efforts, nos jours sont comptés et surtout que la vie ou la mort n'épargne personne.  Mercredi soir j'écrivais à ma copine, j'ai essayé de l'encourager tout en étant réaliste car après tout sa mère allait avoir 92 ans la semaine prochaine.  Quelques minutes après lui avoir envoyé mon courriel, mon téléphone sonnait.  Sa mère était décédée.  Malgré toutes les préparations qu'on puisse faire, la nouvelle frappe.  J'avoue que d'entendre mon amie parler de sa mère, d'entendre les larmes et la douleur dans sa voix m'ont touchées.  Cette  dame toujours bien mise, acceuillante, une force silencieuse, une présence, malgré sa petite stature n'est plus.  Ce départ laissera un grand vide.  J'ose à peine imaginer celui pour ses deux enfants...

Dans un élan de tendresse (ou de folie) j'ai donné un coup de téléphone à ma mère en Floride.  Je ne lui avait pas parlé depuis le Nouvel An.  Non, nous ne sommes pas très proche, et pourtant elle vous dira que nous le sommes... Nous n'avons pas la même définition, mais bon.  Par moment je rage, et par moment je m'en fout complètement.  Je n'ai jamais été très près d'elle; comme toute bonne fille j'étais la fille de mon père (pas seulement pour son sale caractère, mais parce qu'il voulait une fille, alors que ma mère m'a toujours dit combien elle aurait aimée avoir un garçon).  Elle n'a pas eu cette chance, puisque j'étais enfant unique. 

Je viens de regarder les détails d'appels sur mon cell. le 1er janvier nous nous sommes parlés 1 minute 49 secondes et il y a deux jours 4 minutes 30 secondes.  Nous ne sommes pas trop jaseuses on dirait et pourtant, lorsque j'ai parlé à ma copine l'appel a duré plus de 30 minutes...  C'est dingue quand t'as quelques choses à raconter ou que tu ne parles pas seulement de la température...  Enfin bref.  Je sais que ma mère vieillit, que le jour de son décès je serai peinée, et malgré tout je ne peux faire semblant et dire qu'elle me manque c'est comme si je me suis déjà résignée... étrange et pourtant oh combien libérateur.

This afternoon I realized that my computer and cell weren't syncing as they should and that brought on some insecurities that I would forget things, important dates and such, things I did not use to worry about and now I do.  Not only am I relying on technology too much - I feel I should almost go back to my paper agenda - but I also know that I can NOT rely on my memory faculties as I once did, and I'm not that old yet. Fuck!  This is bad!

Two weeks ago a friend turned the big 5-0 (yeah, yeah, our friends are younger than us, sue us!) and we got to see some people we don't often.  As I was chatting with an ex client who lost a fair amount of weight, I did ask him about it, what he'd done.  He told me about this Intermittent Fasting thing he did for a while and lost over 40 pounds.  I had heard about someone else who did that and had managed to lose a fair amount of weight, so I've looked it up.  It seems fairly 'easy' especially since I'm not a breakfast person to start with and have weird sleep patterns.  I'm leaning towards:

The 16/8 method: Also called the Leangains protocol, it involves skipping breakfast and restricting your daily eating period to 8 hours, such as 1–9 p.m. Then you fast for 16 hours in between.

Actually, I nonchalantly started it, i.e. I stopped eating after 10 pm (because on Tuesday and Friday night I have my meditation class and will eat after it, since I don't want to sleep during class), and within a week I did lose some weight!  Imagine how it would be if I actually did some sport?  ah!  Dream on my friend!

Oh, yeah, also meant to share that we will be traveling back to the beautiful island of Hawaii!  We will be there to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary and our Best man and Matron of Honor will be coming too!  In seven little months!  We're already done with this month, so...

Let's make this leap... again.

Ce soir j'écris en français ou plutôt bilingue... my brain feels like it.  Pouvez-vous croire que nous sommes déjà rendus à la fin d'une décennie, non seulement dans quelques jours nous allons changer le 9 pour un 0 mais aussi le 1 pour un 2, c'est fou!  Je me souviens encore de l'effervescence, du Bug de l'An 2000, pas juste parce qu'avec un geek, ou parce que j'avais décidé de le demander en mariage, mais bien parce qu'on craignait ce que l'an 2000 allait nous réserver.  Vingt ans plus tard, je dirais vraiment pas grand chose, mais bon... On est loin des autos volantes, mais pas tellement des villes sous les dômes.  Le monde a changé, et malheureusement pas (vraiment) pour le mieux.

Granted, côté technologie il y a eu de l'avancement.  Si on regarde nos simples cells, petits et plus puissants que les gros ordinateurs qui remplissaient une pièce complète à un certain moment donné.  Ne serait-ce que la caméra de notre cellullaire qui est souvent plus performante que bien des grosses caméras qui en plus pesaient une tonne avec tout plein d'équipement. Les temps changent.  Greta peut bien retourner chez elle, ce n'est pas le fait de marcher qui changera l'attitude des gens.

En ce temps-ci de l'année j'en profite toujours pour faire une introspection, je regarde l'année qui s'achève et repense aux moments passés: lost a dear friend last January, suddenly, which always makes it harder.  Ai repris un ancient client pour ses livres en mars. Looking back at my calendar there wasn't much going on, attended a few meetups, still doing Postcrossing, catching up with some friends and relatives, la petite routine quoi.  Le petit train-train quotidien, qui devient vite le train-train hebdomadaire, etc.  Petit train va loin comme on dit souvent, ou dumoins on l'espère.

I've also re-read last year's post (you can read it here, if you'd like), and despite some efforts on my parts, to remain low key (as in below the radar), to try to play nice and all that, I'm still hurt (yeah, hurt I guess is the right word for how it feels) when I hear about someone not being comfortable talking to me (for no apparent reason, since we've never really spoken) because "you know..."... I don't know, please do tell.  I haven't reach that venerable age (yet!) where I really don't give a fuck about what people think about me, I'm trying to let go and not care, and yet, there is that part of me which needs to know what the fuck did I do to this person for them to not like me...  I know (I fully understand it) I should not care, and yet, there is that part of me that is being tickled by it all.

Mon objectif pour la prochaine année: ne plus m'en faire avec l'opinion (positive ou négative) des gens.  J'essaie d'être une bonne personne, j'aide lorsque que je peux, je contribue à la société (en plus de payer mes taxes et impôts, oui! oui!).  I'm rough around the edges (actually I'm quite round, so there shouldn't be any hard edges, just sayin' ), I call a spade a spade, I'm honest, I try not to lie, and I'm very loyal.  Granted I have no patience for stupidity, so if people fear me because of that, then maybe, just maybe the problem is not me.  I don't want that type of people in my environment.

I MUST remember this:

Sur ce, je vous laisse et vous souhaite une nouvelle année remplie de santé, bonheur et amour!

Wishing you a healthy, happy and lots of love for this New Year ahead.

All the best!
xox

Was I on Sesame Street?

Hi Y'all!  (I guess I've been watching "Big Brother" a little too much and picked up on the y'all, could be worst... I think?!)

Been feeling the need to write/vent or whatever it is I do on here, for a while, and after spending an evening and a full day with relatives (you know, those folks you see at either weddings or funerals?), the need was felt once again. I don't know if it is simply because I am getting old...er, but I'm realizing that there are things I do care less about.  At one point, last Saturday, I was sitting among cousins and this realization hit me, I felt out of place, or beyond what was being said around me.  It is not that I was not understanding or empathizing with what was being said, no, it was more like a complete detachment and also this desire to refrain from standing up and telling them to shut the fuck up, to let go of the past and to move the fuck on. (Excuse the language, I've also been watching "The Ranch"). 

My father's side of the family is/was... let's say... hmmm... somewhat crazy... not the most tender, demonstrative, loving people.  All of them were to some extend abusive, both physically and verbally.  I know first hand the power of words, and how they can affect us.  I also know the power of a good whooping.  No matter what anyone can say, I do think there are times when one is deserved, and when done in a reasonable fashion (read: not with a hammer, or a whip) a good wack on the bum will straighten you (You don't believe me, ask Ana in Fifty Shades! - joking!).  That being said, I don't think that when it comes to bedroom games, unlike Ana and Christian.  

We all have horror stories, things we remember that were done or said to us growing up.  While listening to the conversations around me it was obvious that some of us never got over the "abuse".  For whatever reason they got stuck on "my father hit me" and "my mother said".  True, I've been hurt too.  But at some point in time, I made the conscious decision to move on, for whatever reason and as hard as it has been, because it was/is not always easy, I did manage to move on.  At times I asked for professional help, tried different things, read many self-help books, whatever could help me to move on, because I did not want to be a victim of how I was brought up.  I knew, deep down, that whatever happened or was happening at the time, was not determining who I would be in the future or make me a victim, I was more than a kid whose father was rough with.  Granted there are some things that were/are harder to get over, feelings hurt so deep that I was/am not completely ready to let go yet.  Those are mine to work on.  And I do.  Or at least I try.

We all portray ourselves a certain way, to hide our insecurities or whatever, but to hear a cousin who is a good ten+ years older than me talk about how she was always being compared to her older sister growing up and how her mom disapprove of her , etc. was sad.  It was sad to see this woman who I always thought of as a carefree person who did what she wanted, to be so vulnerable and full of self doubts and even bitterness towards her mother was something else.  I know that aunt was tough, like the rest of the family.  I'm not trying to excuse their behaviors, far from it.  I'm only trying to grasp how someone can choose to hang on to such resentment for that long.  I chose to break free.  I'm also choosing to remain free.  I think it would be easy to fall back to being the victim, the "poor" kid who endured such horrible pains and/or words.

People often think of me as harsh, I am. I have lots of mordant... I guess that between the way I was raised, the area where I grew up and twenty+ years of martial arts, I've developed this thick skin. It could have some prickles here and there, protective measures?!   I'm sarcastic and I can also be pleasant, if I choose to.  I believe it is all a question of choice: to choose how we hang on or let go and move on, all the while enjoying the moment...  Life would be/is so much lighter this way.  Who needs all that baggage, really?  Because deep down, in the long run, nobody gets out alive, so might as well make the most of it daily and live for the present, 'cause it is a gift! ;-)

Twenty Years Already...

Twenty years ago the world as I knew it changed.  It was a somewhat expected change, but even then it was a surprise, not a welcome one that is for certain.

Twenty years later not a day goes by without me thinking of that day, of him.  I still miss him.  It saddens me when I realize that I've forgotten how his voice sounded or how he smelled...

Twenty years and I still think that he did what was right for him.  I have not change my mind about that.  He saw no other way to feel better, and I (still) respect his decision.  I believe it was his to make.

On this date, twenty years ago my only regret is not having told you how much I loved you.  I truly hope you knew that, Dad, and wherever you may have ended up my wish for you is that you have found the peace you were so seeking.

Eight Posts This Year! Woohoo!

Would you look at this, it looks like I went all out this past year with eight posts.  Man, we are a long way from me writing a post almost daily to now writing a post every now and then.  Thinking back to my blogging days I will say this, I sure had fun and met some pretty cool people through those years.  I was even lucky enough to actually meet with one IRL.

Things did get messed up by the arrival of Bacefook and company.  A bunch of bloggers went on to Bacefook and that was the beginning of the end.  I will admit to getting hooked on Bacefook.  I started slow but when I created that Postcrossing group and became more active with Postcrossing that was my turning point.  Like I did in blogging, I did meet some interesting folks and many more than through blogging, but because of the group I've also seen the ugliness of little cliques. 

People in groups can be mean, to say the least.  There were cliques too in blogging, but I never felt that it was personal really. It was more like you'd prefer the writing style of this person, the humor of that one, but it didn't feel personal.  On Bacefook, it often feels personal.  It actually reminds me of high school.  I would lie to say I had it easy in high school; some parts were pretty rough, but I always managed to make a few friends and plow through.  I find that on Bacefook,  if someone doesn't like you or if they assume you're this way or that way, and they want to foul things up for you, they can.  It is (almost) scary at times.  I've told a few people they could leave the group (I manage) if they didn't like me; some did and others I took out myself.  Managing it all can be stressful at times, but I do enjoy it.   I think I have a good bunch.  Some, like on here, are only lurkers.  That's fine I respect that.  Not everyone cares to be out in the open, to express themselves or to share.  For some it is simply due to the fact that they are technically challenge; for others they might be too shy.  Whatever, it's all good!  It's been going good for the last few months, and I'm happy about it.

Can you believe 2018 is coming to an end? I can't! It feels like not that long ago I was celebrating its arrival in beautiful Hawai'i and now we're about to close it but this time from our home... 2018 has been a somewhat challenging year.  Health wise, both Hubby and I were good.  We had colds, pains, Hubby even had a little bout of Shingles, but overall we were good.  Work wise,  Hubby had to make some decisions and only time will tell how those turn out.  I, in this new year, will have to make some as well.  Time for me to review and decide what I want to do and how to pursue it. Friendship wise I've faced some disappointments.  I've been hurt but someone I thought of as a friend.  I've worked on forgetting about it all, and concentrate on others who are there and have been there for many years.  Not always easy to deal with unknowns, and for me this is I think the hardest:  the "not knowing" part, the reason why.  I'm learning to let go.  I'm growing up (or old!) I guess.  Family wise well... that is something on itself.  As time goes by, I'm more and more convince that blood is not thicker than water.  Family is what we decide it to be. 

For this new year coming I don't have many expectations.  I don't watch the news, so I have no clue what Trump and cie are messing up, how bad the climate is (other than when I can see around it, and let's be honest, it IS fucked up!), or how things are going in general.  I keep to myself as much as possible, trying to fly under the radar - yes, that is very selfish of me, and I assume it completely! - I do my things, try to avoid conflicts, and find refuge in our comfortable home.  I haven't done New Year's Resolutions in years, and I'm not about to start again.  I'm resolute in trying to do my best daily, how's that?

In closing, here's my wish for you:

May this new year ahead be filled with 

less stress,
genuine friendships,
more laughter,

no drama,
lots of health, 

peacefulness
and
time to enjoy it all!

All the best xox
 

Yeah I need to pass wind... or rather vent some!

Well hello there! Doesn't it fell like I just come to you when I need to vent or something? I do, don't I? Oh well, it is what it is. That is the relationship we have. You're my sounding board, of sort, the one who will listen, not interrupt and let me scream out if I need to. You will not tell me to "chillax", to not care so much, you will simply be there, quiet, for my release. Thank you for that!

 I just had an interesting chat with the husband, I needed his input or at least outlook on something and I must say, at times I do envy his Y chromosomes. Being a girl, with loads of emotions sucks at times. I try, I've tried and will most likely continue to keep my emotions on my sleeve.  I'm quick to get pissed off, but I'm also quick to laugh (too quick according to Hubby, when he hurts himself), I'm just fast... too much so at times, but eh, that is me!

The past few weeks something has been bothering me.  I tried (I really, really do!) to not let it eat at me, it wasn't always easy but I was somewhat managing.  I could not understand it (whatever it may be!) and chose to carry on nonetheless.  I was letting it go.  When asked about it I answered honestly, I didn't know what or why, and kept going.  When you're around more people, people who don't necessarily know you, one tries to behave, right?  Well... I do.  ...most of the time.  When I'm told something that I (deep down) know, even if I know (and/or knew) it stings some.  Who likes to be told they are not liked?  Yes, I know these opinions are just that, opinions of people I don't know, and who ultimately won't get to know either since they've (obviously) already made their opinion of me.  I should not care, I get that, and there is a part of me who does not, because I do know that we can't please everyone, nor should we try.  That would be a waste of time.  What bothers me is the fact that despite not liking me they are taking my ideas, those they like, I guess.

I do get the fact that people who leads will disturb people along the way, they get things moving, and that is not always welcome.  Leaders will say no, they will apply rules, they will make decisions and all of this will not always be liked by others.  In my case I do all that, and like I was told recently, I even keep on breathing which pisses some people off.  I'm really sorry but THAT I'm not planning to stop doing anytime soon.  Yes I do talk loud, express myself, and curse, but that does make me a bad person?  I think not.  What would make me a bad person would be to disrespect others, to not be kind, to be hurtful on purpose and have mean intentions.  Nobody can say that about me. They can see many other things, but not that.

I feel like a wolf, a lone warrior walking in a pack.  I also live in a pack, but I tend to be a lonely creature just like a wolf. I can be fierce and fearless, and no matter if I try to remain low profile, my personality will come out and stand out...  I don't think I was made to follow, and I know I often choose not to follow.  Excuse-me if I disturb you,  I'm not trying to be a bother, I just do my thing.  I should know by now that flattery makes friends (if you can call them that), and truth makes enemies.  I have to learn to be quiet...

Even if they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I think it sucks.  Big time.  They should be inspired but not copy and think of their own crap!  I have to mentally train myself to detach myself from all of this, and keep on doing my thing, the way I want, and (try) not to care what others think or say about it all, because after all their opinions don't matter all that much.  I have to remember this great quote of Eleanor Roosevelt : "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  She has a point and I refuse to give my consent, damn it!

So much more to learn in this lifetime, so little time to do it all.

Being Me

This past week I turned fifty-one... I would lie to say it really bothers me, because it doesn't. I don't feel it and I don't really look it either.  Granted, there are times when I feel like my body and brain are not in sync, the body is showing a little more reluctance to follow let's say... but then again, I don't train like I used to... I don't train at all, actually!   I don't miss it one bit.  I know about the health benefits, etc., etc. I guess I haven't reached that point yet, where the benefits are more needed then how I feel about it.

One sure thing about getting old...er is the fact that we (should) learn to detach ourselves.  We learn to let go and to not care oh so much.  If not, than it should be our goal so that our remaining days are pleasant and drama free.  I don't know if it is because Hubby told me many (many!) times over that it's ok for me to let go, or if it is one of the benefit of meditation or simply because I am learning, but I'm trying hard to detach myself, to not care, to relinquish control of things (and/or people) I can not control.  I fully understand that we can't please everyone and that not everyone will like us.  I accept that.  What I (still!) don't get is how, grown adults will spread lies about others, how they will act like teens in high school and rally against someone rather than verify (for themselves) what a situation really is about.

The past ten years, I've been working on myself, my short temper, my bluntness and came to realize that there are some things about me that I'm willing to work on and change, and others that I (me, Stinkypaw) don't dislike at all.  I've come to accept that I am this way and I don't mind it.  I like the fact that I can say to someone what I think.  I'm trying to work on my delivery, but the message I want to deliver will remain the same, only the packaging will change.  I've come to realize I'm a good person, with good values.  I have a set of beliefs and can agree to disagree.   

I will not lie, it does bother me when I hear someone doesn't like me.  I want people to like me (Sue me, I haven't reached that step of detachment yet!), or at least to not dislike me for the wrong reasons.  To hear from someone who visits with me that she was asked how I really was IRL, disturbed me somewhat.  I know we're not all alike, since I would do a perception check with the person I feel something is going on, I would verify with them directly rather than ask a third party.  Yes, that is me.  Yes, that is the confrontational me.  If I have a problem with the clerk at the grocery store, I will tell her.  I won't be going to another clerk.  I will go to the source.  Not everyone is like that, granted.  I'm asking you this:  Isn't it easier to go directly at the source and get a straight answer rather than go to a third party who will give you their impression?

A few weeks ago, I was accused of bullying after calling out members of a group to participate directly.  This person asked me to stop putting her name up, she would not participate and no amount of bullying from me would change that.  I was quite surprise by her answer, and asked her why she just couldn't tell me that she'd rather not participate instead of accusing me of bullying.  Her answer was that she thought I was a bully and found I pushed people and that she usually tried to stay out of my way.  To which I only answered thank you.  To my surprise, she came back with an apology stating usually she doesn't say mean things to people, that I've always rubbed her the wrong way.  After that I did not answer anything back. Not really worth it, now was it?  That episode did upset me.  It made me rethink my behavior and how it could (maybe) be construed as bullying.  I only wanted more active members to participate in this project, not bully them.  It also made me see that no matter how you try, if someone has decided they dislike you no matter what you do or try to do they will not like you.  It is ok. Again, we can't please everyone, nor should we try I say.  We should do our best and hope we don't rub people the wrong way too much.

In our condo association I know I've rubbed some the wrong way, because I'm the one applying our by-laws.  Some people will (do) dislike me and others will (do) like what I do.  In managing a Bacefook group I've had people say they were leaving because of me (being a mean moderator) and others that they enjoyed how well the group was managed.  Isn't funny how all our lives we try to better ourselves to become a better version of who we are, and when we are that person, we only need one person to criticize or dislike us to try to become a version they would like... how fucked up is that, really?  I like who I am (most of time), granted I could have a longer fuse, I could be more gentle in my communicative ways, I could keep certain things to myself, and I could be a little less outspoken, and not swear as much, but then again that wouldn't be the real me, would it?

I know my flaws, and like I wrote before, some I've worked on others well, I don't give a fuck.  Really.  I am Stinkypaw, and if you don't like me, well... if we're "friends" on Bacefook and you don't like what you see or what I say, there are three little dots next to my name and if you click on those the option to delete post and remove user will be offered to you, click on it, and your (and mine, most likely) problem will be resolve.  It is that simple, really.  If you're a member in a group I manage, the first box on the left, under the group's banner says "Joined", if you click on it, it will offer you the option to leave the group, voilà, another problem solved.  It can be that easy.  It's not complicated and I won't even know it until the day I might want to contact you and realize you're no longer a member.  I will get over it.  Trust me.  I will.  As Deepak Chopra said: No matter what the situation, remind yourself "I have a choice."

I choose, on this full day completed in my fifty-first year, to let go of many things, and to be happy with who I am.  It's ok not to be liked, because despite those haters I do have great people in my life who do like me just the way I am with my lack of fuse, bluntness, raw words, etc.  They know me, and take me as I am.  To those, and to all of those nice people who took the time to wish me happy birthday by Messenger, by posting their wishes on my wall, by calling me and even to come see me, I say a BIG heartfelt thank you.  Thank you for your friendship and your kind words.

and with this I wish you good night!

Goodbye 2015

This time of year I usually do a little recap of the year, not only to reminisce but to give me some perspective on how my year went.  2015 was quite the year, and I would lie to say I'm sad to see it coming to its end.  It wasn't all bad, nor was it all good.  We had our fair share of crap and good times too.  I guess the bad has to come with the good, right?

This year, unlike the previous last two, I've experienced less stress... because I had to let go of all my clients when we took off for our Norway escapade.  Looking back, that was the best time of the year for me.  When I try to see why, the same reason always comes back: I didn't know anyone and didn't have to walk around on eggshells all the time. Weird how I'm realizing this now.  I loved our time away, because I was with my husband away from everything and discovering new things/places/people together.  There were no expectation, no relationship, no family, just the two of us and we loved it that way.

This year, once again, Postcrossing took a lot of room in my life.  It helped me (I'm sure, not to feel lonely and lost in the Arctic).  I've met new people, online and through different meet ups.  I was about to write it was all fun, but deleted that phrase because it wasn't.  This year, I've once again realized how people get easily upset.  They get offended by the stupidest thing, and worst thing is when it is in writing.  People will read "tones" and intents and rather than ask a question, or to do a perception check, they will get upset. Just like that.

Managing my Bacefook group has had its challenges.  Yes, I am blunt, direct, abrupt, call it what you want, but one thing for sure, I will answer you if/when you ask me a question.   I've lost members.  Some I was happy to see leave, others I didn't really care, and some I still wonder why, since they wouldn't tell me (I did ask).  When I ask for explanation I'm told I'm confrontational, so no matter what I'm fucked.

This year (again) we had a water damage, a big fucking mess.  We had to move out while the repairs were being done, etc.  I don't remember having to pack and unpack and cleaning up the places where we (had to) live so many times in one year.  So much so, that when came time to get the boxes for our Christmas tree I was done with boxes and didn't want to see any more boxes. Most likely the fact that we had no snow whatsoever until today might have contributed to my not feeling very Christmas incline.

Can you believe that I've received 337 official postcards and sent 336, of course that doesn't include all the ones I've sent at meets, while in Norway, through games, lotteries and such.  I'm thinking that for the new year, I will limit myself to officials only and slowly (but very surely) let go of my group, passing it on to others, so that I can sit back and enjoy the anonymity.  Yeah, I think that is what I will do.  Do my things and that will be it.  Now, here's a good resolution!

Since there is fresh white snow outside, it is now time for my dear husband and myself to go for a walk around our neighborhood and enjoy each others company.

Wishing you, dear blends, a very happy New Year, may it bring you health, peace, love, money and time to enjoy it all.  All the best to you and yours!

We have to answer for it...

Today while I was at the salon, I was asked how I felt about the recent events, the terrorists attacks that have occurred within the last few days on our soil. At first I didn't think I should really express my opinion. But then again...

You see I have an issue with how loosely we use "terrorist attack", how fast we call a violent nut case a terrorist... It upsets me to see people jumping to conclusion about a violent act and blaming religious beliefs,  or whatever else. Why can't we just say a crime, a violent attack or act?  To say terrorist and throw in Islam is just turning things around so that we get scared and worried. 

The media is to blame for a lot of it, but there is also the authorities, how they manipulate the information that is being spread, shown.  They're leading us to believe certain things, and to be honest I'm not convinced we are told the truth.  It would be irresponsible of me to completely trust the system as it is.

Remember Denis Lortie, back in 1984 - the lunatic who walked in the QC Parliament and shot people?  He did kill three people.  Funny, how to this day, I've never heard anyone refer to him as anything other than a crazy man you blew a gasket.  There was never any mention of terrorism - granted back in the 80s it wasn't a world as popular as it is now.  Nowadays every damn crazy act is labeled terrorist. That does get to me.  It makes me mad, that we're being scared not only by actions of crazy people, but by words.

I think it is very sad to see so many of us, being scared, outraged, etc and at the same time somewaht unconscious or refusing to see that if you mingle in other people's business there are chances you might get involve in it too.  If one stirs a pot, you will not only smell what's cooking but you might get burned as well. 

As Canadians we've always been "nice", "peaceful", good citizens of the world.  We used to mind our business.  Lately, we've been following our Southern neighbors maybe a little too much, and now we may be starting to feel repercussion of it all. Until now, we've always felt safe. 

Last week, I've met an old man who did the Korea War and we talked some.  I was telling him about this idea I had to send postcards to our deployed soldiers, as a thank you and encouragement for their sacrifice (and yes, even if it is their choice), idea I shared with other Postcrossing members on Bacefook.  This week these sad events happened, yet again reminding me that I do support our troops, even if I'm not sure they should be where they are.

I don't do politics.  When I saw this, I liked the message.  I like the message on how to react.  Let's not be scared but think.  Let's not jump to conclusion but evaluate.  Let's not turn American (sorry to my US blends) and remember that we are Canadians, and what it means...

Fifty years ago...

Today I've realized that I've missed my parents. The couple they were together.  The couple I knew as Mom and Dad. 

Today I've realized that it would have been their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

Amazing to think they would have been a couple for that long, with each other almost every day until my father's death.  To think not only were they married, they worked together, they raised  me together.  They were a couple.  Not a perfect one, far from it (in my views anyway), but they worked.  How ever crooked they might have been.

Yep, today I came to the realization that I miss seeing my parents, together.  I do miss my father.  I think of him often.  I seldom really do think of the two of them together anymore, and when I did at lunch, it made me a little sad. 

Knowing myself, I would have most likely throw them a big party to celebrate this milestone.   Today, I did nothing of the sort, only thought of them and thought of my mother who left for her moose hunting trip early this morning...

Times do change.  So do people... it seems.

About Time

Just watched this movie... I loved it.  As we're about to enter April, not that it looks like it outside,  far from that.  We had yet another snow storm.  Winter just doesn't want to go away.  I know that Spring is on its way though, since on Saturday while running errands I've noticed that it smelled like Spring, you know, that smell of melting poop?  Yep, that is one sure sign of Spring, way more reliable than that ground hog, if you ask me.

Wouldn't it be great if we could travel back in time?  Having the possibility to just go back in our lives and do-over some of those bad days we've had?  I would love to.  I'm not one filled with regrets but there are a few moments that I'd like a do-over of sort.  I don't think I'd like to come back to my twenty years old self and change my experiences, those made me the person I am today.  I've worked (on myself) to get to this point.  I would love to go back and share some special moments again... like in the movie, go back to a day I could share again with my father, or with my favorite aunt, or friend.  A simple moment in time I could relive, just because for the pleasure of it, not necessarily to change it, but more to feel it again, to cherish it fully.


Already three months of 2014 have slipped by, at vertiginous speed or at least it felt like it at times.  I've been trying to take it a little more easy since we came back from our last trip.  It's not always easy or even possible, but I'm trying.  I've scheduled myself and try hard to follow it.  I've been good at avoiding work on weekends, and that's a very good thing.  I don't even answer emails anymore.  I take time for myself.  I've been scrapbooking some, working on our wedding album, at night. It forces me to be elsewhere than the office plus I'm away from the computer; bonus.

I've also been quite active with Postcrossing, especially since the prices of stamps are increasing as of today: $0,22 more for local stamps, $0,10 more for the States and $0,65 for international.  That one hurts, since most of the cards I'm sending are outre-mer.  Last week, I went shopping with a friend, at Ikea, and came back with sixty cards.  I'm a postal addict!  The next day I was receiving a little parcel from Poland with sixteen cards in it.  I'm fully loaded, I'd say, and yet, I'll always land on a profile that requests something I don't have; like a postcard of a dog.  Strange but true, I have no cards of dogs. Oh well.  Curious about some of the cards I've received and sent?  Check out my Flickr album, here.  They're not all there.  These are the ones that weren't scanned by the sender that I scanned myself, and they're only the ones through Postcrossing, nothing from the personal ones I've been getting (since 1978), too many to scan.  I still love sending postcards, and receiving them, it's fun to exchange with people from all over the world.  I've been doing it since high-school, with letters, then with blogging and now with Postcrossing and Bacefook.  Hours of fun, I tell you!

Wow! Never thought it'd happen to me...

I've often heard stories, some were even horror stories, about people having their identity stolen. It must be hell to say the least.  The thought of someone not only pretending to be me, but to steal from me makes me mad.

Back in school, I used to hate cheaters.  There was always that one person who would manage to steal something and not get caught.  My last year of high school, someone stole my Yearbook right out of my locker.  I was so upset about it, all those signatures and little notes people had left in there, for me, were gone.  It wasn't the book as such as the memories.

I manage a page on Bacefook for those of us who graduated from the same school.  People have to request access to it.  There isn't much activity on it.  Today I had two requests to joined.  Imagine my surprise when I saw my face as the picture of one of the asking person.  I checked out her profile, and there wasn't much in there.  I did try to report it to Bacefook, but in order to do so I had to leave my cell phone number.  That is just plain weird, and felt too scam-my for me, so I simply blocked this person.

I've read many posts about how Bacefook is changing and how their security isn't worth much.  My first reaction was to deactivate my account, but since I do enjoy (after all it is a way for many of us to keep in touch with each other), and mostly enjoy (way too much) the games I play on there, I've decided against it.

I still feel somewhat strange thinking about this other person who took a (recent) picture of mine as their own profile picture.  If I was a famous person I think I would get it.  Artists must be used to seeing themselves everywhere.  It is fairly common to use an artist photo as an avatar or such, but a picture from someone's personal life, as your own, that is just plain weird...

I can't even imagine how parents feel when they see pictures of their kids on someone's else
page, that must be quite upsetting (and I'm not even talking about the sexual perverts out, just the regular, clean stuff).  I know they say imitation is a form of flattery, but I'm sorry I just find it creepy!

It is just plain weird.  And scary.  I guess it is not THAT scary since I won't be deleting my Bacefook page just yet (sorry, I'm having too much fun still), but I will say that it did/does give me the creeps... argh...

I will revisit my albums and make sure all my pictures are only shared with friends.  I will remove stuff that could lead someone to think or act a certain way (I've been very careful of that); I don't share personal information (about the same as I do here) in details, I keep it light...

To think that someone would take my picture as their own profile picture, tells me that this person is pretty... desperate!  

Interesting flashback and realization

I'm married to a geek, a computer geek, a real one, who swears by Linus and who often refers to himself as an old Unix guy.  He hates Winblows (as he refers to it) and everything related.  Because of me he has to touch Winblows - I'm a user of such evil. Lately, when sending or trying to fetch my emails I get this error message - according to my in-house geek - it's due not only to Winblows sucking big time but in reality to the fact that one of my Outlook file is too old and out of space.  So, in order to go around that pain, I have to clean up my mails.  I've been deleting a bunch of stuff  and this despite me being from the school of "Let's keep it in case I need to refer to it some day".  I started with little emails, not that important, etc.  Today I encounter that damn error again and needed to send some mails out (for clients) so I went in my Blog related emails.

I've been blogging since April 2006 - wow! time does fly when you're having fun! - this is my 1,160th post in seven years, not to shabby, if I do say so myself.  Through those years I've met some pretty interesting people, and seeing all those names while deleting a file containing all comments I've received since I started blogging was an interesting flashback.  Seeing names of  "old' readers and thinking about them, some of which are now dead (sadly enough), others just disappeared or stopped blogging it reminded me of how interesting the last seven years have been.

As I was going through them I reread the titles of many posts and realized that I have a tendency towards the dark side.  Could that be a vestige from my father?  I think so, mixed with my own...  I have what I call my "Happy Light" to help my S.A.D. especially in winter months, plus I take my daily dose of "Happy Pills" and yet there are still lots of clouds in that brain of mine.  I'm trying to remain positive and to see the bright side, and I guess looking at what I've been posting (especially lately) I'm not really succeeding, am I?

I've always thought of this blog as a place where I could express myself, tell it as I saw it.  Whatever I'm feeling is/was being reflected in my posts.  It might be depressing for some who are looking for "light and fluffy".  I'm plenty fluffy, but light I am not. If you know me in real life, you only know how true that statement is.   

I've often seen those "feel good" saying like happiness is a choice, or our powerful our thoughts are, they are I get that.  Do I apply it? Not always.  I do try though.  That being said/written, I will apply myself harder but will I not be pretending to be or feel something I'm not.  There is plenty of fake in this world without me adding to it.  Let's just hope the sun comes out from behind those clouds...