Yeah I need to pass wind... or rather vent some!

Well hello there! Doesn't it fell like I just come to you when I need to vent or something? I do, don't I? Oh well, it is what it is. That is the relationship we have. You're my sounding board, of sort, the one who will listen, not interrupt and let me scream out if I need to. You will not tell me to "chillax", to not care so much, you will simply be there, quiet, for my release. Thank you for that!

 I just had an interesting chat with the husband, I needed his input or at least outlook on something and I must say, at times I do envy his Y chromosomes. Being a girl, with loads of emotions sucks at times. I try, I've tried and will most likely continue to keep my emotions on my sleeve.  I'm quick to get pissed off, but I'm also quick to laugh (too quick according to Hubby, when he hurts himself), I'm just fast... too much so at times, but eh, that is me!

The past few weeks something has been bothering me.  I tried (I really, really do!) to not let it eat at me, it wasn't always easy but I was somewhat managing.  I could not understand it (whatever it may be!) and chose to carry on nonetheless.  I was letting it go.  When asked about it I answered honestly, I didn't know what or why, and kept going.  When you're around more people, people who don't necessarily know you, one tries to behave, right?  Well... I do.  ...most of the time.  When I'm told something that I (deep down) know, even if I know (and/or knew) it stings some.  Who likes to be told they are not liked?  Yes, I know these opinions are just that, opinions of people I don't know, and who ultimately won't get to know either since they've (obviously) already made their opinion of me.  I should not care, I get that, and there is a part of me who does not, because I do know that we can't please everyone, nor should we try.  That would be a waste of time.  What bothers me is the fact that despite not liking me they are taking my ideas, those they like, I guess.

I do get the fact that people who leads will disturb people along the way, they get things moving, and that is not always welcome.  Leaders will say no, they will apply rules, they will make decisions and all of this will not always be liked by others.  In my case I do all that, and like I was told recently, I even keep on breathing which pisses some people off.  I'm really sorry but THAT I'm not planning to stop doing anytime soon.  Yes I do talk loud, express myself, and curse, but that does make me a bad person?  I think not.  What would make me a bad person would be to disrespect others, to not be kind, to be hurtful on purpose and have mean intentions.  Nobody can say that about me. They can see many other things, but not that.

I feel like a wolf, a lone warrior walking in a pack.  I also live in a pack, but I tend to be a lonely creature just like a wolf. I can be fierce and fearless, and no matter if I try to remain low profile, my personality will come out and stand out...  I don't think I was made to follow, and I know I often choose not to follow.  Excuse-me if I disturb you,  I'm not trying to be a bother, I just do my thing.  I should know by now that flattery makes friends (if you can call them that), and truth makes enemies.  I have to learn to be quiet...

Even if they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I think it sucks.  Big time.  They should be inspired but not copy and think of their own crap!  I have to mentally train myself to detach myself from all of this, and keep on doing my thing, the way I want, and (try) not to care what others think or say about it all, because after all their opinions don't matter all that much.  I have to remember this great quote of Eleanor Roosevelt : "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  She has a point and I refuse to give my consent, damn it!

So much more to learn in this lifetime, so little time to do it all.