Falling out of...

 ... friendship - that's like falling out of love, but with friends.  That happens too. 

The past few weeks, I've been having dreams about people I chose not to have in my life anymore.  At some point, in the past, I made this very conscious decision to not have these specific people around.  I have given them enough, may it be physically, monetary, energy or just time. I decided it was enough.  With some people it sorts of happened or happens naturally... we just drift apart.  One day you realize that you haven't seen then in a long while and you're ok with it.  And this is pre-Covid, when we still had the option to see and fraternize with people. You don't really miss them, nor think of them often.  Others, well, for me it was harder, since they had been part of my life for a long while, they had an important role in it, I thought of them as friends, and (for me) that is something.  But I clearly remember walking away.  No explanation were giving, nor asked for, it just happened and that was that.  

Like for any breakup, common friends will feel they have to choose a side.  Some do and they will ask what happened, etc.  Some will try to reconcile, try to mediate, when really there is nothing to mend...

It is not even a question of pride, ego or being stubborn.  I just reached my max of what I would tolerate, do and accept, and decided that was it.  

It did cost me. Lots.  I gave up on something that had been part of my daily activities for over twenty plus years.  Granted my body was needing a break from the abuse I was giving it, but like everything I tend to do in life, I went from black to white, from zero to sixty, when I decided it was over, I stop everything.

Having dreams about these people, where I'm interacting with them, and seeing them, churned things in me.  It disturbed me.  The situations in the dreams were strange, unreal, and yet, I felt wary, I even woke up feeling on edge, alert.  Thinking about it, I'm realizing that it is not like I stopped caring what happened to them even if I chose to remove myself from their environment.  I don't wish them harm.  I won't go visit them at the hospital but I'll pay my respect when the day come.

I'm wondering why I'm dreaming of them, what part of my brain triggered this?  Am I missing them, or is it because we've been confined for so long that I'm reminiscing? Whatever the reason is, it was strange to dream of them...  I'm also realizing that I don't want them back into my life, so that's good!

Today I had a strange experience with a neighbor's dog.  This lady was walking her dog, a BIG Bernese Bouvier, across the street.  As I was working on our evergreen, removing its winter covering, I felt like I was being stared.  I turned around to see this big beast sitting on the sidewalk, across the street, just starting at me.  The lady was pulling on his leash, but the dog wasn't moving.  He just sat there and stared.  I wave at him, and he got all excited.  The lady was having a hard time holding him back.  He wouldn't keep on walking, just sat there and would stare. 

It lasted a good five minutes or more.  I had time to uncover all four trees, go up to get a bag and bagged everything and the dog was still there, staring at me.  The lady then asked me if I was afraid of dogs.  Told her no, and asked if I could go see her dog.  As I crossed the street the dog got so excited, jumping up and down, pulling on his leash, and at over 130 lbs the lady was struggling.  When I got to him, he was whimpering, tale going 100 km/hour, and trying to jump on me.  He was presenting me his paws, pushing me with its head.  Boris was quite happy to meet me it seemed.  I ended up petting him, scratching him and getting gobs of drool over my pants.  The lady looked embarrassed and told me he never did that before...  If one believes in signs - and I do! - was this a sign that I should be getting that pooch?

One can help and wonder!  One thing for sure, no matter how sweet that big beast was, no way am I even thinking of a big dog.  I want a little one, like a Yorkie or Maltese... some pooch who won't shed too much or not at all!  I have to work on the Husband as I showed him some pictures of these little pooches, and he wasn't interested...  He says he's starting to warm up to the idea of a cat. Of course!