It might be time...

 It's been a while since my last post, and even if I've often felt the need to write, I decided against it for various reasons like I didn't want to aggravate a situation, didn't want to share what I was really feeling, didn't know how to word it all, but today feels like it is the day for me to empty my thought bucket... it might be due to the fact that last night Hubbly and I had a good conversation, or the fact that it is a dreary day, or simply because deep down I am fed up of putting up with people's bullshit on a personal and professional level.  

According to Hubbly I put myself in situations where I will get criticized, and will be an easy target - he's right. (Shit!  Did I just admit this on the web for the world to see?  Oh well, shit does happen, right?) I do tend to join things like the condo committee or even better, me creating this Bacefook group for this postcards hobby of mine.  In doing so, I have to deal with people, many people.  And, I don't feel like it is my strong suit to deal with people.  I'm not anti-social I just have a VERY low tolerance to stupidity.  And having to deal with people it triggers that side of me a lot.  There comes a time when one has to ask themselves, is it time to call it quits, to walk away from it all?  

I think I'm reaching that point.  I've tried to be detached, to not take things personally, but after six years of managing a growing group (over 400 members), it is taxing on my mental, add to that this freaking pandemic and life throwing us some curve balls, and I see that little open door to leave as an invite, almost... 

The control freak in me doesn't want to let go, doesn't want to relinquish control, I see that clearly.  It was/is my baby, and I've put many, many hours into it for it to be an organized group.  I was told it was too structured, and yet I know that many like that aspect.  I know I can't please everyone, and somewhere I'm not trying to too much.  I try to make it easy for all and for me as well, and organization just comes naturally.  The idea of closing shop has been simmering for a while now, because having to deal with the drama and childish ways of many and their sense of entitlement and even many Dunning-Kruger Effect makes it all a heavy load to support. 

Plus to add to it all, we have to deal with Hubby's father situation.  The old man, he's 84, found himself in a real big mess from which we are working hard to get him out of.  All of his life he's had someone taking care of him (from his siblings, to his wife, to his girlfriend and now us) because on his own he is completely useless.  It is sad, really.  Yes he is old, but being old doesn't excuse being stupid and making bad decisions. Repeatedly. No, being old excuses him only so far.  I've had to use a lot of patience in my dealings with him, patience which is already running on low supplies.  Yesterday I had to spent part of the day dealing with the Airbnb host from whom we've rented an apartment for the past nine weeks, who wanted to basically kick my father-in-law out because he had not received the payment for the two weeks extension we had asked for in November. We had originally booked the apartment until November 30th, but because FIL's new place was to be ready in December, we asked the host to extend for the first two weeks of December, which he accepted.  I sent him a partial payment on November 19th to confirm the extension and didn't hear anything back until yesterday.  He sent me an email simply saying "I've received a reservation from Dec. 2nd to January 11th, and can't extent your stay.  Your reservation ends Nov. 30th."  I was surprised and wrote him back, asking for an explanation, etc.  It went on for over four hours, with me sending him proof after proof of the payments (made through PayPal/Visa), etc. for him to say that he never got any email from PayPal and that he couldn't access his account at the moment.  Let's just say, it is fixed for now, but man oh man, Airbnb might not be for me!

So, maybe it is the time of year, the cumulative of this past shitty year or whatever, but I really feel like I need a vacation, far away, where it will be sunny and warm and where nobody expect anything from me.  Having to deal with morons asking where they should put their garbage while standing in a garbage room is just too much for me.  I don't want to be patient anymore, or even try to be nice, I just feel like looking at them and say: 

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”
—Mother Teresa