Everything is all right by me now *

I was “invited” by Jade to post on her blog “In-Laws From Hell”. When I received her invitation I thought about it and figured I had a few horror stories to tell… Trust me I do! Anybody who knows me knows about my relationship (or lack of) with my mother-in-law. She disliked me from the moment I met her. I’ve been with Hubby since January 1994 (want to know how we met, read this).

Today, I feel a little awkward for accepting Jade’s offer to be a contributor on her blog, since at the moment things are actually quite good with my MIL… It’s been like that since August 25th. On that day Hubby received a phone call from his mother asking us to visit her in the hospital. She was being operated the next morning because they had found a lump on her belly. After two long months in the hospital, fighting colorectal cancer and C-Difficile, my MIL made a 180 turn in her behaviour towards me. Funny what being scared to die will do to a person!

Her prognostic isn’t good. She knows it. We’ve seen more of Hubby’s parents in the past four months than we did in the last 12 years. I must say it is very freaky (for me, at least)! It is such a change that I feel unstable, like I could tip over at any time, and yet…

Sunday afternoon we went over because there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed before her death. MIL is the one in charge in that household; she takes care of the house, the cooking, laundry, finances and everything else basically. FIL basically worked and did some “handy” chores around the house, but nothing else, really. They are the typical couple of the 50's. FIL is totally overwhelmed by the situation. He is completely lost and when she dies he will be a big mess.

At one point I ended up with MIL in one room and Hubby ended up with his father in the kitchen. For some strange reason, since MIL got sick and despite all the pain she inflicted me I’ve been there for her and FIL (as well as their son, don’t get me wrong!). I visited her while she was in the hospital (three rooms down from my room when I had my surgery, ironic isn’t it?), tried to help where I could. If someone had told me that one day I would help that woman to do anything I would have laughed in his or her face. The feelings I had for her weren’t good ones – she had hurt me deep and I wasn’t about to act as if nothing happened… or so I thought. I’ve tried to make things work, I really did. I tried talking to her, writing her, but to no avail. She didn’t want to.

Sunday, I told her to take the time she has left to mend whatever she could with whomever. She was given an opportunity to do right and to clear the air with some people; she should take advantage of it. She did. We talked like never before, openly, about how we felt about each other. It felt good, and I wanted that.

I wanted her to leave in peace, not with anger in her heart. She may or not mend everything, but at least with me, some very big steps were made. While talking with her, I came to realise that deep down I did not dislike her; I was just “reacting” to her way of treating me (I disliked how she treated me and her son). We open a new channel of communications and cleared some things.

I’m not saying that all is forgotten, but a part of me feels like it’s not worth it to hold on to my anger towards her. It’s not worth the effort to remain disgruntled; I rather focus my energy on helping her to come to term with the challenges that she will have to face soon. She has some pretty rough times ahead of her, we all do. The next few months won’t be easy, but like in every lessons life offers, we will learn and grow from this…
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Image: Peaceful

* David Usher