Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I could be depressed.

When I read this post from Just a grail, I couldn’t help to think that she wrote something I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s true that when I say that I’m fat, people always come back with a line like “No, you’re not!” But I know I am.

I’m not obese, but I’m fat. I carry too much weight, that’s for sure. I realised that, unlike so many of us, I’m not a health freak nor am I focusing only on my weight. I’ve come to accept (I should write tolerate here) the image our mirrors are reflecting back at me. I’m not saying that I love what I see. It’s not that. I just don’t want to be one of those people who constantly complain about how fat they are and do nothing about it. What pisses me off is when I hear or see a small person and they talk about losing weight. Even my husband, who isn’t fat in any way, that man is fit, still would like to lose his belly. That’s what he calls it. I believe I have a gorgeous man who’s tall and firm. I’m happy with that, wish he was as well.

At times I wonder if his wanting to lose weight is his way to tell me that I should as well, but I don’t think he’d be that subtle. Not that he can’t be, he could, but not with me and not for this. I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about that friend I had not seen nor talk to in years, which confessed he liked me “back then”, that I was hot? His comment triggered something, besides the thoughts “What back then? Does that mean he thinks I don’t look good anymore?” I kind of realised that I’m aging, and in the process I’m noticing that my body is changing. Put aside the friggin’ menopause, and I still see signs. I wish they were the Mel Gibson kind, but they’re not. Age catches up to all of us, I realise that. I also know that as we age it becomes harder to lose weight, to remain firm… I know a man, in his sixties, who trains daily, his body looks good but despite all that, his face (and neck) are showing that he’s no longer a young stud. He thinks he still is, but he’s not…

So… if I recap, I’m fat and aging… nice. Really cheerful, isn’t it? Argh, where’s a big enough rock for me to crawl under? Imagine this, I feel this way and I’m not even a blond American woman. There’s no way in heck that I could be happy being a fat brunette, is there? I’d have to look tight, with shoot up lips and not a roll in sight… Geez, thank Gawd I’m Canadian!

6 comments:

Marius said...

“What back then? Does that mean he thinks I don’t look good anymore?”
I would imagine that it had more to do with the fact that it would be inappropriate to have the hots for you now, since you're married and all. If it makes you feel any better I have always considered myself to be fat, and never more so than now, but when I look at pics from when I was 18 I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap some sense into that skinny bugger!

Ananke (Goddess With An Identity Crisis) said...

Hey, I'M a blond American woman! ;-) And obese even after losing a bit of weight. And like Marius, I'd love to be as fat as I thought I was in high school. LOL! You're right about age catching up with us though. No way around that one unfortunately. When I think about getting older, I remember a quote from Maya Angelou. Someone asked her how she felt about getting older and she replied that it was wonderful because her breasts were in a race to see which one would reach her waistline first. Well, I'm not that bad yet, but they're definitely in starting position. Hee hee. Here's to aging, may we all do it gracefully. :-D

Tammie said...

I agree with Ananke. My weight according to the scales is still within ten pounds of where I was in high school (30+ years ago!), but it's definitely shifted around a bit. Gravity sucks.

lizgwiz said...

I have no patience with people who constantly complain about needing to lose weight, but do nothing about it. Now, I know I need to lose some more weight, but I don't sit around complaining all the time. When I'm ready, I'll kick in with the exercise. My mother has been complaining constantly the last year or so about how much weight she's gained (not all the much, really, but it bothers her), but she "doesn't have time" to exercise. I finally said "do something about it or just shut up and be fat and happy!"

Stinkypaw said...

marius: Thank you for saying that, you're such a gentleman! If only we knew back then, right?! ;-)

ananke: I thought you were a red head! I don't have enough boobs for them to hang, but in my case it's the belly catching up to them! LOL

tammie: Yep, gravity sucks everything down! ;-)

lizgwiz: I'm with you on this. I don't complain to others about my weight, I state facts (that I'm fat), and I live with it. Not always gracefully but...

Purple Pigeon said...

well, who needs to be blonde, quite frankly?? Brunettes are so classy (apologies to all you classy blondes out there!).

Ah, man, don't get me started about weight. I'm obsessed. Sometimes i wish we a) all had the same body so we could focus on actually living or b) were bodyless..... things. I don't know how that one would work. We'd all be will'o' the wisps and wouldnt be able to scoff a burger anyway.

Ignore me, I'm tapped.