This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:
Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:
YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
Author Unknown (but definitely male)
***
Check this out, too cute!
Have a great Christmas, may it be filled with love, fun, laughter and good feelings!
And please,if when you drink, DON'T drive!
Merry Christmas everyone!
And please,
Merry Christmas everyone!
12 comments:
I used to love to wrap, but my family has recently discovered a great mutual love for gift bags. So easy, even a man can do it! (And environmentally friendly, too.)
heheh i love wrapping, even tho it does sadden my little heart to see my lovely paper get torn up and thrown away! But i have remedied the situation by buying only very cheap (but lovely and shiny) wrapping paper and then telling myself that my evening of wrapping if for my pleasure! Get my scissors, sellotape, twirly ribbon, bows and gifts, get an alcoholic beverage, and wrap by the light of the twinkly tree lights. Lovely. Everyone else can bugger off for the night!
If im feeling particularly extravagant, its wrapping paper AND a bag!
Hahahahaha, that reminds me of the year my uncle gave his wife a shotgun for Christmas. I still can't believe he didn't end up on the business end of that gift. He must have neglected to wrap the shells. ;-)
currently there is a gift for me sitting in plain view on the landing. it is in an amazon.com box and i'm quite sure that is how i'll rec'v it on christmas morning.
i might as well move it to under the tree now.
he also said about my other gifts, "and don't look in my closet" but I put away his clothes. How can I NOT look in his closet. Everytime I've put something away, I try to close my eyes and just feel for the hangar.
merry christmas!
I don't mind wrapping gifts, but gift bags are a) prettier, and b) easier. Voila. Problem solved. ;-)
lizgwiz: LOL when I read "even a man can do it" - gift bags ARE great & easy!
elf: I love wrapping as well! I find it looks so good under the tree with nice paper, ribbon, etc... I see each gift almost like an art project! I haven't reached your level of extravaganza! ;-)
ananke: I enjoy practical gifts, but... let's just say I prefer something just for me! ;-)
princess: Hubby is almost the same, he tells me not to open any boxes coming in or not to look where it's from when I have to sign for it at delivery ('cause I'm home)!
dcmm: Great solution, especially if one doesn't enjoy wrapping!
That is too funny! Mr. was so happy when the kidlet was old enough to do the wrapping.
Merry Christmas!
Hahahaha!
But you know, it's the opposite in our house.
My husband is an expert wrapper and makes precision corners (the same way he folds his own laundry!!)
I, on the other hand, tape down any lump that doesn't look right and then hide it with bows, labels and ribbons. ;-)
You know, there are not too many things that make me a "typical man", but, indeed, I can't stand wrapping gifts!
Merry Christmas, Stinkypaw! (And watch out for those jalapenos! ;D)
shopper: One more advantage to having a kid! ;-)
atm: A "good" patch up job, can make a gift, let's say... interesting!
j67: I sure will watch out for those hot peppers!
I cannot tell you how much this absolutely cracked me UP...you are brilliant!
..."and the last half of the Pharoh's body would be covered in scotch tape."
I needed a laugh so much today...thank you girlie for giving me it...
May the bells ring for you today.
Love,
SkippyMom J'
skippymom: Glad it made you laugh. Take care
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