After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall." Amy explains very confidently.
She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
***
While I was driving down the 401 (motorway) the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.
The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronizing smirk, asked: "Runway too short"?
To which I replied. "I'm late for work"
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
"A what"
"A rectum stretcher"
"and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet"
Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously: "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket: $105,
Court Costs: $45,
Look on copper's face: Priceless....
On that priceless note, may you have a great weekend!
3 comments:
I just got a ticket yesterday!!!!!! A day late :(
Blonde rancher will be told at lunch-Thanks for the smiles.
heheh classic, as always!
My father-in-law is a former CHiP... I can't wait to share that with him! Thanks!1
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