Thursday, December 18, 2008

It has been done!

While lying on a table during a deep tissue massage, my therapist and I had an interesting conversation. He’s an older man (about 20+ years more than me), has been married (twice) before, and who has become a good friend (I’ve only been seeing him for about ten years). I feel comfortable to talk about anything with him, he’s open and well… you know me, not many taboos on this side of the screen. I asked him if his exes were different from one another, or if he had changed from one woman to the other. Personally, I know that my previous serious relationship was very different from my current one. I also know that I haven’t changed that much. Of course, I’ve adapted to Hubby, but I don’t think I’ve changed as such. Some of my “habits” or way of being did change because with my previous boyfriend he would get annoyed when I would get excited about certain things, like Christmas for example. So while with him, I tamed my excitement. With Hubby I’m free to be myself, so when I’m happy I show it, as well as when I’m not. I love him for that! Hubby and my previous boyfriend are very different men. One was a construction worker with all that came with that, and Hubby is a computer guru, with all that comes with it as well (yep, he’s a geek, but he’s my geek!).

After my father’s death, my mother “moved on” and met someone who was quite different from my father. One of Hubby’s uncle, remarried to a woman different than his first wife… Those are examples of what I think we should strive for: changing for the better, or at least try to. Why bother otherwise?

I understand (at least I try to) that some people are comfortable with their habits, or what they know, and won’t even think of going outside their comfort zone. But if you want a change, wouldn’t you want something a little different? Or is that too scary? When I decide to change I want that change to be noticeable. I know not everyone is like me (and that’s a very good thing, I know that much), but a part of me just doesn’t get this “want to change, but want to remain the same at the same time”… it just doesn’t make sense. How can you expect a different result if you keep repeating the same actions?

Anyway, after many conversations and schedule shuffles, we were introduce to the new woman in FIL’s life. It has been done, after almost a year of them dating. We had a delicious meal at a friend’s new restaurant (opened only two weeks ago); he even made some Tiramisu in a flash, because I asked him! Talk about service. If you’re in the Ile Bizard area, check it out; you won’t be disappointed. The name of the restaurant is “Scalo” on Cherrier.

I had to remind myself, as per a friend’s suggestion, to not be my “Stinkypaw self” and to keep my mouth close, it’s Christmas afterall. I won’t go into details, it was our first encounter after all, but I will say that overall it was a pleasant evening. How’s that!


Marius said...

Yay on a family gathering with a happy ending. And thanks for the lovely, and silly, Christmas card. It made coming home all that much more pleasant. :-)

lizgwiz said...

Yay for pleasant meetings!

Charlie said...

I think we change, albeit subconciously sometimes, depending on who we are with. Change, of course, can't be forced—otherwise, we're wearing a mask of our true self.

Geeze, I sound like a shrink.

I'm glad your first encounter went well, but I wonder how you kept your mouth closed: I couldn't keep mine closed in a million years!

Kara said...

i've noticed this about my relationships too...the better they are, the less you have to change about yourself.

that's why the Missus is just perfect.

though i want to burn all his horrible clothing. is that wrong?

Traceytreasure said...

Fantastic and extremely mature!!

I'm glad it was nice!!


Brave Astronaut said...

"you better watch out . . . you better not cry . . ."

I'm going to see my father and his new girlfriend the day after Christmas. Should be, um, fun. Yeah that's it.

Stinkypaw said...

Marius: Glad you enjoyed that. :-)

Lizgwiz: Indeed.

Charlie: I kept it closed by biting the inside of my cheek... Hee.

Kara: Do it like I've been doing the past 15 years, slowly... ;-)

TraceyT: Thanks!

BA: Good luck with that...

flurrious said...

I'm glad the dinner went well. It sounds much more relaxed than having to meet on Christmas day.

Stinkypaw said...

flurrious: It was. We could almost hear the crickets the first 20 min. so I can only imagine how it would have been on Christmas day with everyone else...