Today I need to vent. I need to say something, because frankly I’m fed up of this “let’s blame others” attitude so many of us have. What ever happened to being responsible and owning up to it (whatever it may be)?
I’ve always believed that if I did something the consequences would be mine as well. My parents made it very clear for me; I had responsibilities and I would have to assume them. The same rule applied to choices I made. I chose something, which meant I wasn’t going to get the other thing as well; a choice had been made, thus a consequence.
I see a lot of people who are everything but responsible. It’s so much easier to blame others than to assume responsibility. Things do go their way, well, it couldn’t be due to their lack of efforts, no? It has to be because of someone or some situation that just don’t get them. How many people are walking around blaming their parents for how screwed up they are now? Granted many therapists will bring up the “parenting” issues in therapy, and many parents were/are bad parents, but to blame them for how fucked up we are now, really? I had good parents, even if my father was abusive (verbally & physically). I could have made a choice to hold to my resentments, my memories or my pain and be like so many: a real mess emotionally. I acknowledged what had been done to me, and decided to move on. I let it go. I’m not saying there aren’t residues of the way I was brought up (there are!), but I chose to let it go. I made a choice: blame others or be responsible. It would simpler at times to say: “well, I’m doing this now because my father whacked me hard when I was seven” and cry about it. I’m not saying it’s easy, it isn’t. It just feels so much better. It is worth the effort.
I told my mother last week, during her visit, I’m the first one to admit my father was a real bastard at times, but he also had great qualities and I loved him despite everything said and done. He was, in his way, a good father to me. He just had funny ways of showing his love at times, that’s all. Why would I hold on the bad stuff and feel sorry about it? I see the good and the bad, I see the whole man. I’m not excusing what or how he did. I accept it. There’s a big difference there. It’s a choice I’ve made, and I wish you all to make that choice: let go. There is much freedom in doing so. It’s good to be responsible and assume consequences. Taking a look at oneself and acknowledging what, how and who we are is also very liberating. It’s not easy, but again, so worth the effort.