This is one question I find odd to answer. Why do I need to explain why I don’t want kids? Why don’t we ask people who do have kids how and why they decided to have some? What makes my decision so special? Is it because we are not doing like everybody else? Is it because we’re making a choice that isn’t in accordance with society expectations of what we should be doing as a couple? The number of time I’ve been asked about this is still surprising to me.
There wasn’t a specific event or moment in time where I said to myself “that’s it, I don’t want kids”. At times I think I’m not like every other women: I never planned or dreamed of my wedding day, of the big puffy white dress, of having a husband, the house, etc. I never really thought about that. I didn’t date much, had many crushes, I was a late bloomer if you will. My first serious boyfriend, I ended up living with. We were together for six years and during that time I did wonder what a kid would look like if we were to have one; but then I also thought if it didn’t work out I’d have to see him (the father) again because of that child. That was something I didn’t want; once we’re done, we are done. Bye, bye! I knew we weren’t in it for a long haul. I was right.
Before I met Hubby I dated (for a few months) a guy who had a five years old son. Being a step mom was not for me either. He had his son every other weekend. It broke my heart when I drove the kid back to his mother. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to a kid. I couldn’t do like some parents either and stay with the spouse for the sake of the kids.
When I met Hubby, he didn’t want kids. He knew that much. So my decision kind of happened by itself. Three years back I had all the "equipment" removed, so that solved that issue (at least as far as natural birth goes). Yes I do wonder at times, but not enough for me to regret not having one so far. At forty-three I can say, even if I do know we (both Hubby and I) would have been good parents that it wasn’t for us. Call us selfish if you want, and you’d be right. We are. We like our time alone, or time together, our quiet environment, our toys. We made a choice. Hubby often says: “It’s not because we have the abilities that we’d have the interest or want the job.” I never doubted my abilities, or my capacity. I just didn’t want that responsibility. Being a parent is a life long commitment I didn’t want to make. I’m fully aware of all the joys a child might bring, how fulfilling it is. I’m sure it is. I’m happy the way we are. I didn’t make a conscious decision as such; it was an accumulation of facts, which turned out, in the end, of us not having kids.