Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn and my sight blurry. I knew it was coming. I understand that it is part of it all, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept and deal with. I wish I were like my husband and not feel so much (or at least not show it so much). I was thinking I was preparing myself for this, but I’m realising now that I’m faced with a decision, that it was a bogus preparation. I’m ill equipped to deal with this. I’m shaking inside. My heart is pounding in my chest. I’ve been trying to reason with myself, but it hurts. I love him and the thought of not having him around breaks my heart.
He’s been my kitty cat for the last sixteen years. I don’t want him to suffer, and the fact that he behaves like normal doesn’t help at all. He’s barely eating anything and he doesn’t drink at all. He’s on cortisone. He still play fight with Hubby, they had a little bout earlier, and begs for his food like normal, but he doesn’t eat it or very little of it. He does go for his treats though.
It makes it much harder for me to think of what’s coming when he jumps up and lay down on top of me, and starts purring. He’s been my companion, the one with whom I share most days at home. He’s always been talkative, so whenever I’d call him he either came running or answered. I was never really alone; I had my cute pussycat by my side. Hubby often said I had a groupie; it is true. He isn’t just a groupie; he’s mine.
I’m confused as to what should I do next. He’s become frail, and yet he still runs up the stairs. I know cats don’t complain much, but he hasn’t changed his routine much. He still visits us in the office, walks all over us in bed and squeezes in between us, sits in the kitchen when we go to the fridge. He does all the normal things he’s always done, and that makes it all harder. I can’t imagine my life without my furry friend. I know it is coming to an end, and it hurts so bad. Should I try to prolong his life for a few months, at best, or simply accept the fact that he’s had a good life and it’s time for me to let him go, in peace without surgery? I’m trying to be reasonable and do the right thing here, but the thought of losing him is a hard one to swallow. I love my kitty and right now I’m hurting like I haven’t hurt in a long time…