Monday, June 24, 2013

It's done, and it still hurts.

It's only been three days since we've buried Tobi and yet it feels like ages ago.  It's tough.  I knew it would be.  I wish I could be rational like my husband, who when I cry will comfort me by saying things like "we knew we would outlive him" or "we did give him eighteen good years" - he is right and I do know all that, and yet it doesn't make it any easier.

I knew I would miss my companion.  I've hoped that all the wonderful memories I'd share with Tobi would help me through this rough time.  He made me laugh, he gave me joy and I'm realizing now he wasn't just a pet, he was part of my family, of our family, of our lives.  He was my furbaby.

I'm touched by the comments and kind words I've been getting on Bacefook, and even here and on "Love is a Four-Legged Word"- it's comforting.  I've received some personal messages as well, and I appreciate those as well.  It makes it all a little easier, let's say.

I have to get something off my chest though.  I know Tobi was just a cat.  He's been with us for eighteen years, not a few months, but 18 freaking years!  We both got attached to him, in different ways, but we both cared for him.   He wasn't the flavor of the day for us.  When we bought him, we made the decision to care for him., for as long as we could. I believe we gave him a good life. Yes they were times when we did torment him some (like throwing him in the snow at the first big snow fall, or giving him a bath now and then), but it never was worst than that.  We loved him, he was ours.  How often did I hear my husband say "Home is where the cats are", and he was right.  We all had a pair of something: Hubby had his two cats, I had my two boys and Tobi had his two humans.

So, when someone (well intentioned, I get that) suggest that I go out and get myself another cat to heal some, it pisses me off to a certain extent.  Tobi wasn't a replaceable good, something with an expiration date that I get to replace with something newer.  He wasn't a toy, he was a a member of our family for the last eighteen years!  Thank you for the idea, but please no more.  Would you tell a grieving mother to get pregnant again after she'd loss a child?  No?  Well, don't tell a grieving pet owner to replace their beloved pet either.  I know it's not the same at all (or so I'm told), but come on people, it's not like a broken thing that can be replaced with some money and a little shopping.

I've always found it strange that someone who swear to love can easily fall out of love and move on to the next best thing.  I'm one of those weirdos who do believe in closure and if I love someone (or something) replacing it won't make it all better.  I need time to mourn.


Rick Tetrault said...

No one who has ever truly loved a pet would suggest such a thing, so pity them for never having felt that special bond that you and Tobi had. Grieve as long as you need to, dear one. Eighteen years is a good, long life for a cat, but that won't ease your pain right now. I am hugging you in my heart.

Seeker said...

Was so very sorry to hear about the sad loss of your beloved Tobi.

I understand completely what you said about people telling you to replace him with another pet..... our dog Sandy has been dead for almost 2 years now, but I still miss him so much and still cry about him quite often. Our daughter often nags us to get another dog, but for me there could never really be another dog as special as he was.....

Sending you lots of hugs.

Seeker xx

CiCi said...

My Lola cat has only been with me a couple years so I don't know what it would be like to have her 18 years yet. But I know how much she means to me and how much she is part of my every day life. My heart hurts for you and I do understand you need time to mourn.