The Joy Of Giving

Despite everything going on at the moment in our lives; Hubby’s mother fighting cancer, my convalescence, the preparation for my 40^th, etc. I wanted to “adopt” a family for Christmas again. I gave my name and ask for a family with kids.

I started doing this three years ago. I wanted to help in a real direct manner. Giving to Sun Youth or Centraide is fine, but I also wanted to know who would benefit from it. I know a lot of people who had issues with the fact that when they gave money they didn’t know where the money was going or what it was used for exactly. I’m also one of those people.

When I decided to “adopt” a family, I looked around some local organisations and asked how they worked, etc. When I found the West-Island Assistance Fund I was told they screened all applicants. A family in need applies for a Christmas Basket. They make sure they are in fact a low-income family, etc. There are always people out there who abuse the systems in order to get free stuff. I wanted to avoid that. I don’t mind giving but I want to make sure it goes to someone who really needs it.

I signed up as a “donor”. When I got the documentation of what to give, etc. I realised that the main goal was to basically make sure that a family would have a nice Christmas dinner and breakfast. For me, there’s more to Christmas than a nice dinner. I wanted to help in more ways than just by offering a meal or two. I make sure that their “essential” needs are met and then some. If I could help for more than just Christmas it was even better...

I asked our friends if they’d be willing to help. I was overwhelmed by the responses I got. Each year since I started doing this I’m touched by the response I get from our friends. I consider myself blessed just to have friends like that – they wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Doing this brings me joy and even if I cry almost each year when we deliver the goods, it is so worth it. In “The Economist” of October 14th, 2006 there was a short article entitled “The Joy Of Giving” where the sub-title was “Donating to charity rewards the brain”:

“Providing for relatives come more naturally than reaching out to strangers. Nevertheless, it may be worth being kind to people outside the family as the favour might be reciprocated in future. But when it comes to anonymous benevolence, directed to causes that, unlike people, can give nothing in return, what could motivate a donor? The answer, according to neuroscience, is that it feels good.”

It does feel good. It feels good to see that despite everything we see and hear on the news there are still good people out there willing to help others.

Once a family is assigned to me I contact them. I introduce myself and ask some questions like if there are any food allergies, preferences and if there is anything specific that they need. I know their names, etc. but all they know about me is my first name. They can’t contact me directly and don’t know anything more than what I tell them. To remain anonymous in this situation is a good thing. Before I deliver the goods I will contact them a few times.

When I started doing this I had no idea how much I would collect, and each year it’s the same. I tell people that our main goal is to offer a family a nice Christmas dinner and breakfast. The suggested list includes a turkey, sausages, vegetables, fruits, eggs, butter, cheese, jam, bacon, sugar, bread, etc. I’ve been collecting, as well, non-perishable goods (cans of vegetables, fruits, soups, juices, etc.), cereal, pasta, laundry detergent, hand soap, dish soap, shampoo, toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste and brushes, sanitary pads, cleaning products, etc.

In order to raise money I decided to bake some goods that I would sale at clients. I would show up at their offices during their breaks with some “home baked” brownies, muffins, cupcakes, etc. and ask them to give me what they thought was fair for a sweet treat. With the money collected I made sure a fresh produce grocery would be bought and I made a point that each family member would get new underwear, socks, pyjamas, and slippers, at least one present each and a disposable camera including development.

The first and only encounter I have with the family is at the time of delivery. I deliver the goods on December 23rd. I remember the first year, a friend had told me not to judge the people receiving the goods. So many people made comments like: “Well, if they can afford to smoke they should afford to pay for their food”, and a part of me felt (and still does to a certain extent) that way too. It is hard to remain completely “neutral” when you see the big TV in the living room or the pc, and yet… Here’s a little anecdote from a friend who’s a fireman who used to deliver Christmas Baskets:

One year he went in this big house in a wealthy neighbourhood to deliver a food basket. When he came in the house, he must have made a face or something because the man receiving the basket told him not to judge him. My friend walked out of there disgusted. A year later that man came to the station where my friend worked. He was there to make a money contribution to their Christmas Baskets funds. He also told them that the previous year had been horrible for him: he had lost his high paying job (at Nortel), couldn’t find work and had decided to ask for a food basket instead of selling his stuff, because he knew he would get out of this rut. He wanted to “return the favour”. He was now working and still had all his “toys”.

I try to remember that each year. But honestly, so far, all families I’ve been assigned were in serious need and it was apparent. Each year I debate if I should “adopt” more than one family because of all the stuff I get. It’s a tough one: do I make one family extremely happy or do I make two happy families? - I decided that I would be like Ty Pennington and give “Extreme Christmas Baskets”!!

So far, each year we managed to fill 3 cars full of goods: it’s unreal and the look on their faces when they see and realise how much they are getting is absolutely priceless. I always make sure that they get the food first and we always finish with the gifts. A friend told me, last year, while standing in our garage full of food and goods: “The family that get you as a donor sure hits the jack pot that year!”

I will never forget how it broke my heart the first year, when the little 5 years old girl saw the gifts and ran to her mother to tell her: “Mommy, look, this year we’ll have gifts under our tree”. The following year when we were about to leave, that hug the mother gave me brought tears to my eyes. And last year, when the mother told me she had never received a gift before hit me hard… Emotionally it’s tough, but darn it feels good!

... and I wouldn't be able to do this without my patient husband (who hauls the stuff around and comes shopping with me) and our amazingly generous friends!