Your Friday Smile!

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-boyfriend who called "out-of-the-blue" to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when he asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted.
"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and heavier than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."
He just giggled and said he was sure I would "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a woman with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone... everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"
He laughed and told me to stop being so silly. He teased me saying that chubby gray haired older women were cute, and he was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, he giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told him to f*ck off.

***

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog, Schatzi, and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog... Duh!! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO. I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 lbs. before I'd awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes bugged out of her head. I went on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two everytime you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was now enthralled with my story, particularly the tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no... I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my ass when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy behind her was going to have to be carried out...

Have a great looong weekend everyone!