Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Feels like home...

You Know You're a Montrealer when...

You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,' 'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.

The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.

You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.

You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St. Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

You know how to pronounce Pie IX.

You know what a four-and-a-half is.

You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.

You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good.

You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

For two weeks a year, you are a jazz aficionado.

You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for the green light.

Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

You've seen Brother Andre's heart.

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.

You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh.

You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12.

The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.

You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language.

You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced restaurants, old buildings and badly paved streets.

You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of "Quebec's birthday".

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.

You like your pizza all-dressed.

How about Montrealers' resistance to winter boots? No matter how much snow there is, you'll still find people walking around in running shoes

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You use a down comforter in the summer.

You know what "the main" is.

You know that the "CH" on a habs jersey stands for "Center H-ice"!

You can jay walk back and forth across Ste. Catherine street without getting hit by a single car.

You care more about which habs player isn't playing well than the current world events.

You expect there to be a Dollarama walking distance from anywhere... and if there isn't there should be.

You know you're from Montreal if you know what a poutine is.

You say Métro instead of subway.

You fear the overpasses (viaducs) like hell because they fall on you.

You know the first half of the national anthem in French and the second half in English.


Marius said...

Um.....are you sure you want to claim Chris de Burgh?

And why shouldn't I pay the ferry man?

God, I'm f**king old.


Tammie said...

Since I have no idea what half of what you said means, it's obvious I've never even BEEN to Montreal (Mahn'-tree-all), much less a native! This is good stuff!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Blech. Is it okay that I know what poutine is, but I still don't want any? ;-)

Montreal is similar to where I live in that we also switch from A/C to heat within a 24 hour period. We had a 50 degree (F) temp swing between yesterday and today. Gah.

Great list!

hasarder said...

I don't know what half of this list means. And it's clear that in Oz we all pronounce Montreal wrong.
But we do drink soft drinks over here. We have at least that in common.

Suzie said...

Yup, I understood every single one of those statements.....I AM from Montreal.

HEY, Marius, what's wrong with Chris de Burgh? I saw him TWICE at the Forum in Montreal!!! hahahahahaha

Ananke said...

I must have been from Montreal in a past life because I've always called them soft drinks. The Chris de Burgh song I remember best is "Priscilla the Stripper." Don't ask me why. ;-)

Charlie said...

It is now official: I'm an idiot.

1. Who the hell is Chris de Burgh?

2. Why are the Canadiens called the habs?

3. What is poutine?

That was a great list, SP.

Grandpaw (no relation)

Stinkypaw said...

marius: Sure why not! And I guess it makes me old as well 'cause I know what you're ref. to! ;-)

tammie: Something to look forward to, a trip up to "Muntreal"!

dcmm: Sure is ok, but I must say that once in a blue moon, I do enjoy a nice poutine!

hasarder: One thing is good! And anyway, I just love the Oz accent and expressions, so it's all good! ;-)

suzie: You are and always will be! ;-)

ananke: I won't ask, but can't help to smirk! ;-)

charles: You're not an idiot, anyway not for this!
1. Chris de Burgh is a singer, best known for his song "Lady in Red"

2. The original team's name was "Habitants de Montréal", thus the Habs (didn't where the name came from myself until recently).

3. A poutine is local "comfort food"... It's French Fries, with curd cheese and gravy. Taste better than it sounds.

Kara said...

yeah, i don't get any of this.

so left out.

princess slea said...

safe to say "i am not from Montreal."

you know you're from illinois:

if you don't pronounce the "s"

if you can name three cities in illinois that don't include chicago.

if you are bored a lot.

lizgwiz said...

So interesting what knowledge makes a native a native!

Ananke said...

Crap, I was wrong, it was Patricia the Stripper!!! Damn my failing memory. ;-p

DrowseyMonkey said...

I miss Youppi too!

And what's four & a half?

I only lived in Montreal for 2 years...I was 3 and 4 years old at the time, LOL. But I did get most of what you said...well...some.

Stinkypaw said...

kara: Don't! Just come up for a visit!

princess: ...and I'm not from Illinois! ;-)

lizgwiz: Indeed!

Ananke: Priscilla, Patricia... they both sound like stripper names to me! ;-)

drowseymonkey: I think Youppi is now working at the Bell Center for the Habs. A four and a half is the size of an appartment (2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bathroom). I'm sure Mtl changed since then ;-)