Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Now, that's life!

Thinking about this made me realise that I truly am getting older… I do see things differently. I remember when I would hear my parents complain about “today’s youth”. I’m at that age now I think. I’m sad to realise that but then again, I can’t seem to shake it off. I’m at a place in my life where I can see how the younger ones behind me are doing things and at times I can’t help to think “kids’ nowadays…”

My parents worked hard all their lives, and from a very young age incite me to do just that; work hard. They also showed me to have respect for others, to respect my elders, and take pride in whatever I did. I often feel people don’t have pride. They lack that little spark that will make then try a little harder. They do the minimum necessary and that’s that. I don’t want to generalize but at the same time it seems to be affecting a lot of younger people. They don’t want to take responsibilities, to be held accountable for anything and always have a valid excuse. I wonder if this is due to the fact that parents aren’t parenting like my parents did. I’ve lived first hand the effects of hitting a child, and I don’t think it’s the best way, but at times, a good smack on the bum does a child good. This I do believe. When I hear parents negotiating with their child it infuriates me. Come on people, it’s a kid who can’t formulate full sentences and you’re negotiating?! We went from one extreme (“what I say goes, and that’s that!”) to the other (“What would you prefer, please tell mommy?”). Kids need structure that much I know. I taught kids. They need discipline. With those two things they also learn respect. We now live in a big free for all, and nobody respect anything.

I can’t believe that a twenty plus years old person would still live at their parents’ house and expect their mom to do their laundry, prepare their meals, etc. Often, those same people tried living on their own and then came back to their parents because they couldn’t afford it. I just don’t get that. Don’t they have any pride? When I left my parents’ house I knew darn well that I would not be back. I would have been welcomed if I needed to, but my pride told me otherwise. I had rough times, but I stuck it out. I worked a little harder. I wanted to show my parents I could manage, and I did. I also think that parents have their roles in this lack of responsibilities thing. They allow their kids to come back and live in their home as if it was their own place. They feed them, and of course complain about it, but yet they tolerate a lot of things.

Granted I don’t have a child, so I do not know what it is to have one. But I can’t help and wonder does the fact that I didn’t give birth makes me less capable to think and see things for what they are? Or is that a function (you know, thinking using one’s judgement) that generally kicks in effect by giving birth?

How can one learn to be clean when there’s always someone behind scooping up the mess? How can one learn to fly, free, when only flying with a net? Sometimes one needs to crash, hard, to get back up and try again. Sometimes one will get help, but other times one has to figure things out on his/her own. Is that so hard? I don’t think so, since for ages we’ve been doing it and somehow it seemed to work… Look at where we are today. We’re not doing anyone a favour by “mothering” everyone the way we are today. If someone messes up, it should be ok to tell him/her, without being afraid of being sued or hurting his/her feelings. That “politically correctness” is bull. We’re now afraid to call things by their names because of this; it’s ridiculous. Everyone isn’t nice, perfect and good at what they do. And it’s ok to be faced with a refusal. No, Mom and Dad won’t always be there to fix things up or to get you out of that jam.

The one thing we should really teach our kids is that life is hard; we should all learn to deal with it!

OK feeling a little bit better now…


Drowsey Monkey said...

lol ... it's good to vent. ;)

I don't have kids so I have no idea what it's like ... but I do think once people hit a certain age they forget what it was like to be young ... and they think the latest generation is worse than the previous. I think the reality is not quite that ... it's just as we age we see things differently.

As for kids sitll living at home when they're "adults" I know a lot of parents in that situation and often it's the parents who can't seem to let go ... which strikes me as detrimental to raising a healthy adult. Which is probably how parents should look at it, you know ... they're not raising a child ... they're helping a child to become an adult.

As for way, I never was and I think it's wrong.

Marius said...

Amen! Although in the interest of full disclosure I did move back in with my folks for a while, but I paid rent, did my own laundry, bought my own food, etc. And actually I did most of the cleaning around the house. And I think what we forget about being kids, and what hit me full in the face the year I taught high school, is that kids are essentially dumbasses for most of their adolescense. We were too, but somehow that memory gets suppressed. And the internet plus the easy access to video recording equipment makes the dumbass spread farther and faster than it used to. As for the responsibility thing, I blame parents. The kids today are the spawn of people who felt they had no need to sacrifice their pleasures just because they went and got knocked up. So movie theaters and restaurants become playgrounds while entitled douchebag parents toss the occasional weak 'No, Mary. Don't put your crayons in that man's wine glass.' It's little wonder why kids are so messed up when their role models are Paris, and Britney(no offense, Monkey), and Johnny Knoxville, instead of Mom and Dad. I was actually told that we weren't to tell the students that they were wrong. Of course I ignored that, since it is a stupid rule and serves no one, but then again that's just one of a legion of reasons why I left the high school.

Ok, I've kinda rambled here, but in a nutshell Stinkypaw Johnson is right! (I really gotta stop trying to sound well spoken before 6am)

Ananke said...

I with you 100% on this one! Although I have to admit that I lived with my parents way longer than I should have and while I didn't pay rent, I did all the laundry, bought my own food and paid some of the utilites. And once I moved out, there was no way that I was going to move back even if I had to live on peanut butter and cup of soup for the rest of my life. I have a good relationship with my parents but it was a pride thing for me to be able to make it on my own. I think you're right, parenting has gotten a little lax. Parents are too interested in being friends with their kids instead of teaching them to stand on their own two feet. And now I'm feeling really old because I think my parents said the same thing when I was a kid. ;-)

don't call me MA'AM said...

We have a rule at our house: after high school, you must live on campus of your college/university. During breaks, you may live at home. Once you have finished undergrad studies, you must move out. If you drop out of college, you must move out. If you piddle around in college so as not to graduate in 4 or 5 years, you must move out.

I think we're pretty clear. :-)

So far, the oldest is the only one in college (other three are still in high school). So, we'll see how this goes.

Monkey said...

I really think that people lose good judgement when it comes to their own offspring. Whatever bioloical marker is there to make dealing with baby poo and constant crying seem like a great idea is the same marker that allows people not to realize they have bred an asshole.

Tammie said...

People never seem to see the a**hole in their own front yards; they're too busy talking about everyone else's!

There's such a sense of entitlement these days that folks who survived the Great Depression would never tolerate. These kids get EVERYTHING handed to them on a silver platter, so they think the world owes them. What they really need is a good old-fashioned sense of personal responsibility.

Do I sound like an old fart yet?

Purple Pigeon said...

you echo my sentiments to the letter. I hate it when parents try and 'persuade' their kids not to be bad when they are out - ''Keegan, please don't pick that up. Keegan, please put that back.....'' - makes me want to slap both parent and child. And don't get me started on stupid 'individual' names for kids, also known as 'Stupid names that will guarantee a lifetime of bullying'.

As for still living at home, I am doing that while i try and make it as a struggling, penniless artist (a valid career choice, I thought) but i do all the chores in the house and all my own laundry and cook all the meals etc. What really bugs me is that my brother is 25, he lived at uni for 5 years, and because i refuse to do his laundry, my mum does it for him. Plus he is working and earning more than my parents and pays minimal rent, but thats a whole other bone of contention for me, but my mum wont discuss it. If it were me, I'd chuck him out. Grrr.

I think we are best not having kids at all. Can avoid the whole issue!

princess slea said...

the living with the parents doesn't bother me so much, after all MAnY cultures insist on it and just keep building new editions on their huts/houses/compounds.
the not pulling your own weight and taking advantage of your parents does though.
I do think kids these days are more spoiled and coddled than when we were growing up. for one thing, technology has made things easier for kids just as much as adults. (they don't even have to peddle their ride on cars anymore!).

as a mother, i probably buy more toys and stuff for my kids than i should (i'm trying to get a grip on that) but i am most definitely "the boss" and my kids are polite and respectful (i insist on it). I have only ever had to spank my daughter once (she ran out into a busy parking lot). You better believe now she knows that when we get out of the car, she keeps one hand on the vehicle until i am ready to go.

i remember as a child the threat of a spanking was definitely real and it kept me from doing many naughty things. i only got spanked one time (for dropping the tailgate of a truck i was riding in before it had stopped ~ my brother dared me to do it). I don't think i turned out any more violent or warped than if they had "talked" to me about it.

btw. i moved back in with my parents after i graduated college while i saved money to get my own place. i worked 12 hour days 6 days a week!

c'est moi said...

hear here!

Stinkypaw said...

drowsey: You're right about the parents not wanting their "kids" to leave. As for hitting, I didn't chose to be hit, but I think that at times it does the trick. Let's agree to disagree on this one.

marius: I often wonder if I was as dumb as some kids I see... maybe it is forgotten somewhere.
Lack of parenting is a big thing as well as role models. Parents and elders used to assume these roles, not anymore. Times do change, and it's not always for the better!

ananke: So you're old! So am I! ;-)

ma'am: Good rule! I knew you ruled! ;-)

monkey: It's all in the genes, right? :-)

tammie: That's what we're lacking "a sense of responsibility" and I hate that "entitlement" thing! Argh!

pigeon: That's one issue we won't be facing, that's for sure! And your brother/mother need a good slap to bring him/her back to reality!

princess: I was thinking of the "not pulling your own weight and taking advantage of your parents" aspect, and how parents let them get away with it. Like I wrote to Drowsey, sometime a spank is "needed", that time your daughter needed it.

c'est moi: :-D