Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Theft Problem: Important Message

You might be afraid to go to sleep tonight after you read this.

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.


P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.


Daddy Papersurfer said...

It happens to peabrains as well - but differently.

princess slea said...

yep, someone stole my thighs too. damn, they get around.

Marius said...

I wish someone would steal my knees. Anything would be better.

Kara said...

i keep a close eye on mine. it's not hard. they're huge.

Attila The Mom said...

I lost my original ass quite awhile ago. Thankfully he's now remarried and living in California. ;-)

c'est moi said...

oh my god! it must be the same crew who added this Molson muscle to my mid-drift!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Someone stole my stomach and gave me my mother's. Gah.

Mild Red (The Person Formerly Known As Ananke) said...

OMG, I've been victimized too! I don't think there's a part of my body they haven't hit. ;-)

Stinkypaw said...

daddy p: Glad to read that!

princess: Quite the network they have!

marius: Don't wish too loud, they might come by and see something else they might enjoy...

kara: LOL, at least you know where they are!

atm: Now, that's a good one! ha!

c'est moi: Yep, they do donuts muscle for cops I hear!

dcmm: Just like me! Gah indeed!

m red: They're out of control!