Monday, August 18, 2008

Yet another week

I wanted to write about the wonderful, lazy weekend we’ve had, but now I’m not so sure…


I spoke with my mother earlier, for the third time this week; we normally speak once a week. Her beau isn’t doing well. Two years ago he had some serious health issues when his kidneys shot down. Since then he’s been going to dialysis three times a week. My mother lives one hour away from Montréal, and we don’t see each other that often. Why? No particular reason really other that we both have lives, and are both living them. Since we don’t see them everyday we notice changes more. The last times we’ve seen them we thought that her beau had aged a lot, he seemed weak and had loss weight. After his dialysis last Tuesday they kept him in. They wanted to run some tests. They did, the final results are not in, but it doesn’t look good. He’s older than my mother, and last time they came over, he told Hubby that if it were up to him alone he would have given up… He was still here because of my mother.

He was allowed to go home for the weekend. They talked openly about his situation and he decided that if he’s diagnosed with cancer he will refuse all treatments and he also wants to stop his dialysis. During their conversation he told my mother the exact same phrase my father had told her before he committed suicide: “It’s hard to leave behind someone you love…”

She feels abandoned, like anyone facing death; frustrated with God for not answering her prayers; scared to be alone, and sad to see him sick and suffering. While we were talking I told her, just like I had for my father, it might be time for her to let him go. It's not easy to hear your mother in tears, no matter how old you are.

He’s a good man and doesn’t deserve to die in pain. I’m sorry for both of them. They’ve had a good nine years together, and I truly hope he won’t suffer. At times, it does feel like no matter what, shit will be coming our way no matter how much we try to avoid it...

8 comments:

Attila The Mom said...

Oh, I'm so very very sorry to hear this.

Lots in my heart that I want to say, but I'm afraid that it won't be helpful in the long run.

I'm thinking about you guys.

xoxox

Annake said...

Oh my gosh, I wish there was something helpful I could say but there isn't. My heart goes out to all of you. I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

Traceytreasure said...

Oh, Stinkypaw, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Off Topic, I tagged you for a Meme. Please see the Green Eyed Momster blog for the details.

My thoughts are with you. Please be well and I'll understand if you don't want to do the Meme.

Big huge warm hugs!!

Paisley said...

That's just terrible. I'm so sorry. I hope your mom can find peace through this somehow. She's lucky to have you.

Stinkypaw said...

atm: Thank you, I'm mostly concerned for my mother.

annake: I know, not much can be said, but thank you!

traceyt: Thanks, and I'll get to it shortly.

paisley: Thank you.

jane said...

We always say we want to live long, but what we don't realize is by doing so we're going to watch those we love die. My mom is 80 now & has watched everyone from her generation die. It sounds like your mom may be headed down that same road. It's so sad, but we can't really criticize them, afterall, they are living their life & feeling the pain. 1 thing I've noticed, that you may see in your mom, is my mom became callous... sometimes seems downright insensitive, but again, it's her way of coping with pain.

I hope the time your mom & her beau have together is quality, for them.

flurrious said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope they'll both be okay, no matter how it turns out.

Stinkypaw said...

jane: Very true. It must be something else to see everyone around us go. Already I've seen too many and I'm only 41, I can't imagine how it will be...

flurrious: Thanks.