Thursday, September 04, 2008

Feeling loopy...

As sad as it may read, nothing much has been happening here. Things are moving slowly. My mother’s beau is slipping away surely. It’s a question of days, but I would think more like hours. The drugs are doing their job, and he’s slowly disconnecting. I can only hope for his sake and my mother’s, that he finds peace really soon. If you’re among people who do believe in the power of prayers, please think of him.

I've been playing; actually it's been more like pulling nose hair one by one, a slow and painful experience; at trying to figure out if I should move to PordWress, use our own domain name, and how to go about it. It’s really not obvious.

I almost feel like I’m in some sort of never ending loop, and no matter what I try to do, or how, I get back to this “blah” point and don’t really know which way to go. It’s a really strange feeling. I almost feel pissed off at the world and at the same time, really peaceful. Weird.

It’s almost like the smallest thing could make me laugh or burst into tears. I don’t really feel sad. I don’t know how to express it. I’m happy with my life, I have it good and I’m thankful for that. I have a great husband whom I love dearly, despite me introducing him as “my first husband”. Work is good; actually I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love being at home and to have this freedom, and love it even more that we can manage with me doing so. I have some things to look forward to like our friends from Zurich coming over and staying with us, our upcoming vacations, and yet…

Maybe I’m just in a funk? Or maybe it’s related to Mrs. D. presence? It’s not the weather since it’s been sunny and really hot for the last week. I guess that despite my sugar highs of the last few weeks, life has been affecting me more than I care to admit…

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Image: The Flood

14 comments:

Marius said...

It happens, mon ami. It might be best to avoid major decisions until the weirdness passes. (ok, that sounded like something out of a newspaper horoscope...sorry.)
;-)

PinkPiddyPaws said...

It could be that you are coming down from that serious sugar high you've been on for the last few weeks!

Seriously, I hope you get to feeling better!

lizgwiz said...

Maybe it's something in the air. I have certainly been "funky" lately, as well. (And I'm almost out of Canadian candy to cheer me up! Hee.)

Annake said...

I've got "the funk" too so maybe there's something in the air....

Hope you start feeling better soon. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

{{{HUGS}}}

noble pig said...

Everyone gets into a funk, it too will pass! You will get through.

flurrious said...

Your emotions are really close to the surface right now. Things will get better (well, maybe worse soon, but after that they'll get better) and you then you won't feel so fragile. I hope you get through this next little bit as easily as possible.

Stinkypaw said...

marius: It did, and I won't be deciding anything soon, except what to eat. Thanks.

pppaws: Thanks, makes two of us. ;-)

lizgwiz: and I'm not even close to be out of candies, far from it! I'll send you more Cdn ones ;-)

annake: Thanks for the prayers, we need all the help we can get.

noble pig: Oh, I know I will get thru it, I've done so many times before. I just want a little peace & quiet...

Stinkypaw said...

flurrious: Thanks, you almost worded what Hubby told me last night. You're so wise in your young age. ;-)

Paisley said...

I'm so sorry this is such a hard time right now.

Once your feelings are processed you will feel better. Too bad we never know how long that will take!

My prayers are with you and your mom and her beau.

princess slea said...

i'm telling you, the planets are out of whack!

personally i think i need to just crawl under my blankets until things straighten out!

Periwinkle Studio said...

You are in a funk and it will pass. Here's a thought...How about going out and doing something for someone who can never be able to pay you back? Do something to lighten the load of another like ..feeding the homeless, play with some special needs babies/kids,...? Maybe use your gifts for a greater purpose and you will see how your day was made after you gave of yourself and made a difference. You may just be the one who comes out feeling most blessed.
Not wanting to tell you what to do, but it does seem to help.
I wish you the best during this time.

Stinkypaw said...

paisley: Thank you for the prayers, they are needed.

princess: I've been spending lots of time under the blankets, but it doesn't help as much as I would have hoped...

periwinkle: Thanks for the suggestion.

jane said...

Obviously I'm reading this much later than you wrote it. But now it seems evident that you were in such an awkward state because you were literally in a waiting state, all of you were. The last few days are so indescribable & unless one lives through them, you can't know. It's like you want to let the person go, yet at the same time you don't want to say, "die," that just seems too removed.
If you are interested, there's a really good book called "The Grace in Dying," it's written by a lady that has spent years in Hospice. It has helped me understand a LOT about the living/dying process & is the type of book I won't even lend out.

Stinkypaw said...

jane: I'll check out that book, thanks.