Don't you hate it when you planned your time off, a whole week off with no real schedule other than what one wants to do, and then everything crumbles? I sure do! Both of us were tired, it has been a long, busy year and were looking forward to that week off. Since we've had a White Christmas this year, we had planned to go snow shoeing, little day trips here and there, and enjoy our time off together. Those plans went up in smoke on Monday afternoon. I was doing a load of laundry when I bend down to load the washer, I heard something crack and then experienced a very sharp back pain. I could barely breathe. I spent the rest of the day sitting in my big chair. I could hardly move and when I did I was in serious pain. By the time evening came I was thinking of going to the emergency room, but the perspective of sitting on a straight chair was hurting. Tuesday was a little better, as long as I didn't move too much. I managed to see an osteo: two sprained vertebrae. Yay me! I've been known to say "If you're going to fuck up, fuck up good!" Well I sure did!
Usually, when year end comes, I look back on my year (I tend to write everything in my agenda, so it's no big deal). I did have a quick look, since sitting at my desk hurts (I'm typing this from my laptop), and 2010 wasn't really such a good year. I'm thankful for it nonetheless because I was lucky enough to have work all year long, to feel love from both my husband and those around me, to be relatively healthy and yet I have the nerve to say/write 2010 wasn't all that great. Since my car accident, in June, my back has been causing me problems not to mention pain. We had an interesting vacation, in beautiful Hawaii, even if being there with my mother was anything but restful, which is what we both needed. I guess I was expecting more, or yet, I would have loved to experience a little less pain. It's a good thing I'm in good spirits (and I don't mean booze) most of the times, and have a husband willing to take care of me when I'm hurting. I guess he really meant it when we said "in sickness and in health". That's a good thing. A very good thing. I have a very good husband. I know that much.
A part of me feels old. Actually my body feels old (especially since Monday, I walk like an old lady!). I feel that I'm aging. I see people around me getting older, dying and that is disturbing me. A friend is on her last miles, cancer having the best of her. Granted she's an older lady, in her seventies, and yet the thought of her dying soon is a bit much. When I think of Charlie, it's the same feeling, a mixture of rage and sadness, that rises in my throat. I know, and somewhat accept death as an inevitable fact, and yet... I hate this aging thing and knowing that I have less time ahead then I used to.
I will start 2011, at home, alone with my husband and my cat, watching television. I will start 2011 without any resolution and just be thankful 2010 will finally be over with.
My wish for you, dear blends, is for the New Year ahead to be filled with lots of health, love and money but mostly time to enjoy it all with those you love. Take care of yourself and those you love and looking forward to what 2011 has in store for us. May we all be pain free, happy and not to expensive!