Votre Friday Smile!

This Friday Smile is all about cars/drivers.

The first one was sent to me by Jason67 and I couldn't help to think of Ananke...

Quebec Driver's 2007 Handbook:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Quebec driver avoids using them. (That is SO true!)

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended. (true, but also expensive when caught, I was just before Christmas!)

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with NB or Ontario plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates.
For those of you without ABS , it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Quebec during rush hour, especially in Montreal. (So true, it's scary!)

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Quebec driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Quebec is the home of high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert. (Sadly enough...)

12. It is tradition in Quebec to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green. (That is so f'ing annoying!)

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Quebec driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary. (yep!)

15. In Quebec, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned. (But of course!)

***

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body: A Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky, died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Newfie, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken."

***

Et pour terminer:

Je conduisais avec mes trois jeunes enfants un soir d'été chaud lorsqu'une femme dans un convertible devant nous se lève et nous salue de la main. Elle était complètement nue! J'étais encore sous le choc quand mon petit garçon de 5 ans assis sur le siège
arrière dit "Maman! La dame ne porte pas sa ceinture de sécurité!"

Bonne fin de semaine à tous!