Aging

Do you ever catch yourself realising that you sound just like your mother? That you do something just like your mom does? I don’t know if it’s because I’m aging, because let’s be honest here, I’m not getting any younger but I don’t really think of myself as being old either (except at very specific random times). Growing up I often heard that I looked just like my mom. I remember looking at her and thinking, I don’t look like that! So many times I was told: “You must be Mrs Paw’s daughter”, and that would upset me, because I didn’t think I looked like my mother. I have my father’s mouth and character (not his best feature. Hee.) I’ve always been taller than both my parents, so no real resemblance there, and yet some people could tell.

I’ve been catching myself saying things my parents would say, and when I do it makes me “reset” if you will. When did I turn into them? Last year when we took the pooch in, Hubby did mentioned a few times (too many!) that when I spoke to the pooch I sounded (or used expressions) just like my mother. At first I was taken aback by it, but would hear something I’d say and couldn’t deny it.

As a teen I remember caressing my mother’s hands (she has very soft hands) and noticing that her skin was changing, the veins were more apparent, the texture of her skin changed as well… it was starting to wrinkle. Driving back from my dentist earlier, while waiting at a red light I noticed my hands on the steering wheel… I have my mother’s hands. Looking at my body there’s no doubt that I have the same shape as my mom… and I don’t really know how to feel about that. As I'm typing this I became aware that my mouth was pouting just like my mother does when she's thinking. Even if I couldn’t see myself, I know that my mouth was placed in the way I so often saw on her face. It’s really strange to discover that I’m really a lot more like her than I thought I was.

I wonder if I’ll age the way she did? I hope to remain active and enjoying life and to be in peace with myself. I don’t want to become one who obsesses about the way I look or what will people think of me. I’ve done my share of that in school. I’m not completely over that, we all have some insecurity, but I’d say I’m managing pretty well. Is it because I still feel inside my head the way I did when I was young…er? When I think of myself, I still see myself as I did in my twenties. Looking at myself in a mirror, well… that’s different, to say the least. But overall I think I do like the person looking back at me. And that makes me happy in some way. It reassures me about the fact that time is moving in one direction only.

I know that aging is part of this process we call life. I don’t mind it too much. At least I don’t think I do. But, I do mind the abrupt stop at the end!
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Image: Aging