Did I write something wrong?

When I was in school I always felt “different”. Was it because I went to a prep school, because my parents were strict and wouldn’t let me go out, because I wasn’t interested in smoking or drinking, or because I was good in school and enjoyed it? I wasn’t one of the cool kids, or at least don’t think I was. I wasn’t a nerd either; I was more of a loner. Often I choose to walk away, I would rather be alone and well, then with people and pretend to be someone I’m not. To this day I live by this rule.

When I did karate it was the same thing. I would go in, teach or take a class, shower and leave. Even now, I go to visit my clients, and depending on the contract I can be there for months, and even if I talk with people I tend to keep to myself. I go in, do what I’m paid for and then leave. Yet, along the way I make friends.

I never really liked the “gang” thing. I hated it in school, didn’t care for it in karate and not really concern about it when it comes to my working environment. In everything we do there’s always a little clique here and there. I’ve noticed since I’ve been blogging that certain people have their little clique, like “blogger gangs” almost, sometimes because they share a profession, they live in the same area, they’re friends in “real” life, etc. People have this need to be in a group. I don’t. I enjoy being alone. Maybe it’s because I grew up alone. I don’t know. Except here!

Here I want to be “in” (for some strange reason)… I won’t pretend that I don’t care about getting comments, that I’m doing this for myself, because that wouldn’t really be the case. If I really wanted to simply log my thoughts I would have kept doing so in my journal. I still do write in it, the deep personal stuff that I don’t want to share with the world is in there. Whatever I can’t say out loud is written down on paper, not out here for the world to see. Yes we are anonymous, to a certain extend (since I broke a blog rule and told friends and relatives about my blog), but like I had written in this post, we do create some type of friendship with our fellow bloggers. We have our regular commenters, but like in any friendship sometimes we go our separate ways.

Looking at my stats I’ve noticed that some of my “regulars” (or so I thought!) don’t come by anymore… It made me think… is it because I offended them? Why is it that some people who used to read me, fairly regularly and commented, stopped coming here. I see them at other places, so I know they are still around, and yet… not here. Why? Did I do or say something wrong? Am I not interesting enough? In July when I wrote this, I said that I liked getting an answer back to my comment, and I stand by that. Yes, I do go back to see the answer, and if I don’t get one (which is often the case) I don’t get upset. DCMM once wrote (here) about comments: “If anything, it makes people feel like they have a community, where you can feel the same way someone else feels about things... and get an affirmation as a bonus.”

It’s all part of the blogging game, which is a personal thing. Some like to do it daily, some at random, some by themselves, some like to live through others… it’s almost like sex in a way - you do it the way you feel comfortable doing it and with whom you want, that's what's cool about it.

I came to realise that along the way I’ve dropped a few blogs, and picked up some new ones. It’s fun and it feels like a breath of fresh air.

Just as the week is ending I’m realising that this week was “De-lurking Week”… Darn!

Well, I’m doing it now, so those of you, who regularly lurk in, drop me a line, it could be fun! And who knows what could happen… you might get a comment back! ;-)

Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think ok?

*Update: I corrected the word "clique". Thanks to PreppyGirl who nicely informed me that it is spelled the same in English and French! - Didn't know that! Thanks PG!