Anyu (final)

A few years ago, Hubby had to have a hip replacement. On the eve of his surgery he talked with his mother and told her that the day of his surgery (which was the following morning!) he didn’t want ANY visitor but me. That was all. They could come and visit him the following day, but not on the day of his operation. He knew he was going to be out of it, and didn’t want to be social. His mother agreed and asked him to make sure that I would call them as soon as I knew anything.

The morning of the surgery I drove Hubby to the hospital, waited with him until he was rolled off to the O.R. A nurse told me it would be a few long hours and that I should go home. I did. At the approximated time he was supposed to come out of surgery I called the hospital and was told that he was waking up. Everything went well and he would be taken to his room within the hour. I noted his room number, and proceeded to call my in-laws. At that exact moment I felt more nervous than when I saw my husband being taken away for surgery, that’s how bad it was! She answered. I told her the little information I had and as I was wrapping things up, she said: “We’ll drop by later on to see him”. I asked her what she meant exactly, since her son had requested no visitor the first night. She then told me that she knew what he asked, but she was not a visitor, she was his mother. I was so pissed off that she couldn’t respect her son wishes, and told her so. “He will want to see me” was her answer. I was about to tell her off, so I just said: “He asked you, yesterday, not to come on the first night. He asked me to let you know how things went. I did that. Thank you.” and I hung up. I made my way to the hospital, in a snowstorm, fuming! I called a friend to vent and man did she get an earful!

When Hubby was brought to his room later on, he was wide-awake and was managing his pain. At one point he asked if I had called his parents. Told him about my conversation with his mother. He then asked me to call his parents; he wanted to talk to his mother. I dialled the number and watched. It was the first time I heard him give crap to his mother. I didn’t understand everything, because most of it was in Hungarian, but there was no mistake about the tone! His parents came to visit the following night, and she gave me the cold shoulder. That was fine – it was not like I was happy to see her anyway!

There are so many other anecdotes I could write about, she had a way with me that just didn’t work. Last year, she got sick and this is when her attitude towards me started to change. I wrote a few posts about it all. Here’s one.

Last year, at Christmas, we all knew it was going to be her last Christmas together. Her cancer was spreading and one evening while we were visit her we made peace and I wrote this. Some people were actually surprised that I forgave her and moved on. It was pointless to hold on, so I let it go. It's all a question of choices, we choose how we live (and to some extent) and die. I felt sorry for her, for all that time she wasted being angry. She had to face the fact that she was dying, and that wasn't easy.

Despite everything said and done, I'm happy that when she died we were friends, she realised that I was there for her and that in that in spite of our "history" I did love her. I know she died knowing that.

Hubby wrote a beautiful eulogy for her where he was honest. He didn't sugar-coat it in any way. You can read it here.

She touched my life in a very special way, and she also gave me the greatest gift ever; her son. Notwithstanding her crazy behavior towards me, she raised the most wonderful man, and for that I will for ever be grateful to her. Köszönöm szépen, Anyu!